Ashlyn can CRAWL!!

We knew she was getting close.....we have watched her on all fours rocking.....we have seen her get herself from sitting into crawling position and back to sitting.  We have seen her wiggling and reaching out for toys.  And, over the weekend, it happened....she started going!  I watched it with my own eyes while it was happening and I was jumping up and down as soon as I saw it.  Kyla was there and she started giving Ashlyn kisses telling her she did a great job.  I ran upstairs and screamed to tell Troy the news....after he came downstairs Ashlyn did it again.  Celebration!

This has been a long time in the making with Ashlyn working so hard!  Months and months of physical therapy.  It is so cool to see it all come together.....and to see she really will do it on her own time.  I remember after Ashlyn was born I would hear a lot, "She will do everything other kids do, just in her own time.  And, when she does it, it will mean more because of how hard she worked."  Honestly, at the time, I thought that was crazy and annoying.  I remember thinking, "No, I don't think it will mean more.  I think I will just be really relieved.  I would rather her do it at the "normal" time and that would be the best."  Well, once again, as I just keep learning, I was wrong.  At the beginning of all of this, I know I would have picked the easy way....I wanted it so badly and thought that would be the only way I would be happy.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.....the joy I feel when I see her crawling in her little spurts to get a toy is something I can't explain.  I am so proud of her.  I think it is going to be a lifetime of watching Ashlyn work and try harder than others have to, but feeling joy so big when she accomplishes something that we wouldn't trade the extra time and challenge for anything.  This girl is tough.

I am once again reminded of what God can do....ashes turning into beauty. If you would have told me when Ashlyn was first born that she wouldn't crawl until she was 16 months I know what my reaction would have been.  I had that reaction because I was given information about delays that come with Down Syndrome.  But, today, here we are and all we feel is joy and thankfulness.  And so much love for this little girl we don't know what to do.  We love you, Ashlyn, and we are so proud of you.....we are so, so thankful God gave you to us.  You just keep going and we will just keep cheering....always.

Well, let's not wait any longer....check her out:

Family Friday at the Zoo

Fridays are definitely my favorite day of the week.  Fridays are Troy's day off and around here we call them "Family Fridays."  A whole day of togetherness to do whatever we want.  Well, on Monday of this past week I saw that the weather was supposed to be really nice and that on Friday it was going to be a beautiful and sunny 82 degrees.  I immediately sent Troy a text and told him that we should go to the zoo for Family Friday.  He was in....we love the zoo.  I am still like a kid when I am there....I love seeing everything and squeal at each new animal, like I really can't believe we get to see giraffes, monkeys and penguins in the middle of Indiana.

As soon as Ashlyn's therapy session was finished on early Friday morning, we were off for the short trip down to Indy.  A special part of this particular trip for the girls was that they were both rolling in new seats...Ashlyn graduated to Kyla's big girl seat and Kyla got a brand new really big girl seat.  Here they are in their new rides:

Ash in her new seat....she likes it!

Kyla in her seat....she is really proud of it.

We got to the zoo and couldn't believe what a perfect day it was....low 80's with no humidity at the end of August....yahoo!  We got busy right away seeing everything.

Kyla checking out a polar bear

Getting a lift from Daddy to see the giraffes

All of the animals seemed to be out while we were there and we got to see lots of them up close.  Kyla told me before we left that she was most excited to see the giraffes.

We saw some giraffes....

rhinos....

and my favorite....elephants.

Ashlyn's favorite part was the petting zoo area.  This is her world right now....we spend countless hours showing her pictures of farm animals, making the sound they make and showing her the sign for it.  We have all perfected our animal sounds around here.

Here is Ashlyn checking out the goats

She thought it was pretty fun

This was Kyla's thought on the petting zoo....it was loud.  It really was...the goats were very vocal!

We also went to look at the butterfly garden they have at the zoo.  Before we left our house, I told Kyla they have a whole house at the zoo where butterflies live and fly around everywhere.  This made her really excited and she decided she should probably wear her shirt that has butterflies on it for all of the butterflies to see.  I love it...fashion even plays a part at the zoo. :)

Here is Kyla checking out a butterfly....I wonder if they noticed her shirt?

We got an up close look when a butterfly landed on Daddy's finger

Ashlyn getting a really close look

As we were walking in the butterfly garden, a sweet woman who worked there asked if she could take a family picture for us.  Here we are:

I love it!  Try as we might...getting both kids to look is nearly impossible.  But, I do love that we will always have the memory of this picture and our time together.

Family Fridays....we love you!

Sidekick

For the past 3 1/2 years I have had a little sidekick beside me all the time.  Her name is Kyla Elise and I couldn't love her more.  From early on, Kyla and I have had a really close bond.  She began talking at an early age, so for awhile now her and I have had a running conversation with each other all day long.  She is hardly ever out of my sight, so it is a new world to be getting things like this in the mail:

Kyla's school supply list for preschool

Yes, it is coming.  Our first little experience with leaving the nest, in just a small way.  At times I feel emotional about it, and the chances are very high that on the first day I will cry, but at the same time I think she will love it.  It will be really good for her and I can already imagine all the discussions we will have about it.

One new thing Kyla is showing a lot of interest in around here is helping me in the kitchen.  She is used to me making supper everyday and lately asks if she can watch me or help me with things.  I love this age because everything through her eyes right now is new and exciting.  Watching me measure out a cup of sugar and pour it into a bowl....doesn't sound that exciting, but to Kyla it is.  I will tell her to help me make sure we fill it up to the number one and I will hear, "Oh, mommy, you did it!  You filled it to number one!". And then when I let her pour it into the bowl the excitement goes up even more.  Everything is special at this age....I love that.   

We have had a lot of zucchini's around here lately, so the other day while Ashlyn was napping I asked her if she wanted to help me bake in the kitchen....chocolate chip zucchini bread.  She was eager to help and we had so much fun.  I see a lot of baking with my girls in our future.  Here is the proof of the fun we had baking together:

Kyla helping me get the zucchini up to the top line

Watching the mixer do its magic

The best part....taking a taste of the batter

Watching while it bakes

Later that afternoon....enjoying the final product during a "picnic snack"

I can't tell you how cool this girl is.  This girl who made me a mama.  I count it one of the greatest blessings of my life that I have gotten to share daily life for the past 3 1/2 years with her. Getting my heart ready for preschool....she is ready and is going to love it!  And, I will be ready to hear all about it every Tuesday and Thursday at 11:30 when she gets home.  I love this sweet sidekick of mine....

And, the best news....I've got another sidekick at home....her name is Ashlyn Ruby and her and I have quite the thing going.  The love is big around here.

So thankful for my two sidekicks....these two little girls I get to share my life and heart with.  To quote Kyla today as Daddy was kissing us all goodbye after coming home for lunch, "There is love in this house, isn't there, mama?"  Oh yes, there is....lots of it. 

Note Taker

Whenever I am listening to someone speak or preach, I take notes. I have always been someone who likes to take notes....I think it helps me process things better. I mostly write down what speaks to me the most and what I would like to remember and have to look over again.

Without a doubt, my favorite teaching/preaching to sit under is my husband's. I know this sounds biased, but it is the absolute truth. He is my favorite preacher and every week I am taking notes like a mad woman while he is preaching. The fun thing is that because I live with him, I get to talk to him all about his sermons when they are done. And, I also always add in there how cute he is while he is doing it:)

This past weekend I was blessed to be able to go to Women of Faith in Indy and came home with lots of notes! The weekend was filled with excellent speakers and I gained so much from my time there. It is a great environment to be in....11,000 women gathered to learn and worship. And, the best part was that I got to share it with some wonderful ladies from church!

I wanted to share some of the favorite things I have written in my notes from the weekend -

Patsy Clairmont was one of my favorite speakers and she talked about emotions....here are some things she had to share:

* A good prayer to pray is, "Lord, help me not to spew out the first thing that comes to my mind."

* "Put boundaries on your emotions."

* This one is my favorite...."God has given us a will, and our will is to be stronger than our emotions."

* "Edit your words to minimize your word count." Rules to use:
1. Don't complain
2. Don't whine
3. Don't exaggerate

My very favorite speaker of the weekend was Mary Beth Chapman. She is the wife of Steven Curtis Chapman and they have been through much pain in their lives in the recent two year since the death of their five year old daughter. She was so real and honest and much of what she talked about had to do with grieving, which is a place we have been in recent days.

She talked about the pain they have walked through, yet how much they learned about the goodness of God during that time. She said that if she could sum up the last two years of her life it would be, "God is good, even when life is hard." Amen, sister!

I never ceased to be amazed at the ways God can speak to me at just the right time and how He often does it through people who are faithful to share His truth time and time again. I am thankful for those people from this weekend and for all of the people whose words of God fill lots of pages of notes. Most of all, I am thankful for God's truth that can be trusted at all times.

Song and Dance

There are things that happen in our house very frequently. One of those is Kyla asking for a tutu or princess dress of some sort to put on. She typically asks for one of these things when music is on because she wants to dance to it....and, clearly, the best dancing happens with a tutu on!

The other day she asked me to put on her "Noah Song". This is from a CD she got from her Great Grandpa Thurman that includes children's songs about different Bible stories....she loves it and her very favorite is the song about Noah. So, we crank it up and she gets down. I have realized in recent days that she has all of the words memorized and now has it choreographed.

Ashlyn also loves music so she very much enjoys these times of music and her older sister dancing around her. The other day when this was all happening Kyla asked me to get Ashlyn's tutu for her to wear. Once Ashlyn is able to start dancing along with Kyla, it is going to be quite the fun time around here!

Here is a video displaying the dancing duo....starring Kyla. Enjoy!

So Long, Pacifier

I am usually pretty cut and dry about most things involving our kids.  Whenever I know it is time for something to happen, it usually gets done.  From taking away bottles to bedtimes.....but when it came to taking away Kyla's pacifier, I was a pretty big wimp about it.  Kyla is 3 1/2 now and ever since she was a newborn, she has been attached to it.

I remember when we were in the hospital after she was born, we were very serious with all of the nurses that our daughter is not supposed to have a pacifier....I laugh when I look back on it.  We read all the books and thought we were doing the right thing.  I know we were, but we were so serious about it that when we came home with a screaming newborn who wouldn't sleep, we still thought she shouldn't have a pacifier until she was at least two weeks when we knew she had the hang of nursing.  I can picture it still.....the first night home from the hospital, Troy and I up all night with Kyla screaming, all the while discussing if we should give her a pacifier or not.  The second night of this we decided that it was probably okay if she had a pacifier.  And, the girl was hooked....and so were we because from that night on we had a much happier baby.

By the time she turned one, I decided she could only have it for sleeping.  Well, fast forward 2 1/2 years later and that sweet thing was still sleeping with her precious pacifier.  When she was about to turn 3, I announced to Troy that once she was 3 we would take it away.  That was just big talk, because it didn't happen.  Let's face it, a child that sleeps well is a very nice thing for a mommy.  And, this mommy had another newborn on the scene at this point and I just didn't know if I could take my 3 year old not sleeping while adjusting to two kids.  I discussed it with our pediatrician and she didn't help.  She basically said it wasn't the worst thing for her to still have it but try to get rid of by about 3 1/2, especially for the formation of her teeth.

So, I knew it was time and had been talking to Troy about it again.  Our conversations often happened while Troy had a huge smile on his face.....I knew what he was thinking...."I know you are saying we need to take it away, but I am not sure if you are really serious."  So, this past Friday night, it really happened.  I had been talking to Kyla about it for the week before and at times she would seem okay with it and others not.  Also, during this week, I would waiver back and forth, but decided it was go time.

On Friday, we told Kyla that it was the day the pacifier fairy was coming.  We told Kyla she could decorate an envelope for her and put her pacifier in it and then set it outside and later the pacifier fairy would come and take it and leave Kyla a gift in its place. 

Here is Kyla holding up the envelope she decorated for the pacifier fairy

And here she is having a moment of realization.  This was taken right after we talked once again about what would be happening and she said, "Pacifier stays with me."

Bringing the envelope with the pacifier to set it outside for the pacifier fairy to get it

It was time for her to go to bed and I was completely worried.  Troy and I had talked about it and we were prepared for long stretches of crying.  To our surprise, she got in her bed without her pacifier and we never heard a peep out of her.  Not one cry.  We were in shock and so, so proud of her! 

Here she is in the morning checking out her gift from the pacifier fairy

Since then we have had some tougher moments....there have been tears at naps and bedtimes....some involving lots of crying and screaming out, "Come back, paci".  But, it wouldn't last long and she would eventually calm down and go to sleep.  Now, she doesn't cry but will sometimes still ask for her pacifier.  She has done so great and has made the transition wonderfully.  It is just another step away from babyhood into big girl land.  Coming up next....preschool starts.  A lot for this mommy's heart to take, but all part of our girl growing up.  These are such special days and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Smoke Free

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from Clarian Arnett Hospital....this is the hospital where Ashlyn was born and where we spent a week with her in the NICU.  They asked if we would be willing to share some of our story of the time we were in the NICU for a brochure that is being made for families who will spend time there.  I was happy to do it.  Last week I found myself talking with someone from the hospital's marketing department.
 
Fifteen months later, it was still emotional to talk about.  But it was good.  I felt my heart beating fast during the conversation as I recounted and remembered all of the emotions.  I think another reason for the rapid heart rate was I knew that my words would be read by someone someday who would be holding their newborn baby while in disbelief that it is all happening within the walls of the NICU department.  While crying more than smiling and possibly feeling like life as they knew it is over.  Every time I drive by that hospital I find myself praying for the families in the NICU.

I was asked really good questions.  I had nothing but wonderful things to say about all of the nurses and staff in the NICU.....I could feel them rooting for Ashlyn the whole time we were in there.  There was one nurse who worked the midnight shift and would sit with us and show us different ways to give Ashlyn a bottle.  All of those nurses saw us in our most vulnerable state and treated us with such kindness.  I would see tears in some of their eyes as they watched me cry.  They loved Ashlyn and my heart will always be tender to those who loved and cared for our girl so well.

Some of the questions I am sure I didn't answer so eloquently as I was trying to condense all of the emotions I was feeling into concise statements.  But, there was one question I was asked that I didn't even hesitate on.  The kind woman who was interviewing me asked,  "How did you make it through that time?"  My answer came quick...I said, "Jesus Christ."  I told her that the relationship my husband and I have with Jesus is everything to us and that during those very dark days we knew somewhere in the pit of our hearts that God was in control and that Ashlyn was meant to be ours.  I know that she probably can't put all of that in a hospital brochure but there was no way I could deny what I knew to be the flat out truth.  It felt really good to say it....to share it.  To brag on the very One who is our everything.

After I finished the conversation I really was emotionally spent after feeling it all again.  And, it started to hit me how far we have come.  During those days in the NICU and for many weeks to follow, I really thought I would never be okay again.  I thought I would never be able to accept the diagnosis we were given and that even if I did accept it, we would never know joy again.  Well, I feel joy every time I look at Ashlyn, so I know I was wrong about that one.  It made me think of the "Breaking Free" study I was doing soon after Ashlyn was born....the study that prompted the name of this blog.  In the weeks of the study that focused on God bringing beauty from ashes in our lives, there is this quote, "When we come out of the fire, we don't have to smell like smoke for the rest of our lives."   I was thinking as I finished the conversation....we don't smell like smoke anymore.

In the days after Ashlyn was born, I thought the pain would walk with us forever, that anyone who was ever around us would know it.  It just isn't that way when God gets a hold of our pain.  I am not trying to make it sound like it is all easy all the time or that there aren't moments of pain.  I am saying that the pain that was our days in the NICU and following are not our reality today.  I can talk about it and remember it...but I am not there anymore.  It will always be a part of us.  A very defining part, but God didn't leave us there.  These days, we are breathing in deep and taking in lots of fresh air.  With God's help, over time we really can move on.


I was asked to send the hospital a picture of Ashlyn in the hospital and one from today.....:

Loving the fresh air.

We're getting there....

As anyone who has ever had a baby would know, the infant stage is all about meeting milestones.  In the first year of a baby's life, they learn to do so many things.  And, yes, we all know each baby does things a little differently, but in general, there is an overall time line to be expected.  That time line has been one of the biggest things I have had to overcome as Ashlyn's mom.  It has increased patience in me greatly (although I have a ways to go).  It has caused me to be thankful for little things that I otherwise wouldn't have noticed.  It has caused our whole family to root for Ashlyn as she works and works to meet milestones.  It has caused me to be on my knees constantly....asking God for a little more patience and peace as I watch babies younger than Ashlyn surpassing her.  As I see babies move to the toddler nursery at church as my girl stays behind for awhile longer.  It has caused me to question why Ashlyn being behind bothers me at all. 

Ashlyn has many therapy sessions each week to work on all of these things and we know they are helping her.  She is 15 months now and the one thing that we hadn't really been seeing any progress in yet was crawling.  The time line was really getting to me on this one.  Remembering Kyla taking her first steps at 14 months while my 15 month old can't crawl.  Watching babies who are turning one and taking their first steps.  It gets to me sometimes....makes me anxious.  It is a process of learning to just let go.  It is walking the fine line of working with her to try to help her the best we can while also relaxing and knowing she will do it in her own time.  So, imagine our joy as we have been seeing this:

Ashlyn on all fours....in crawling position

 
All of a sudden, in the past week, she has just been getting up on all fours all by herself.  It used to be us doing it for her while she cried in frustration because she didn't want to be doing it.  Now, I just see her all through the day in this position....reaching out for toys.  And, because to some the time line is really no big deal, this might not seem like a big deal, but to us this is huge!!  I find myself every time I see this saying, "Thank you, Lord".  And, from the bottom of my heart, I am so thankful.  I have been continuing to realize as we get farther on this journey with Ashlyn what a gift we have been given.  We have been given the gift of true thankfulness.  We have been given the gift of increased trust in our God, because we have no other choice but to do exactly that.  To keep trusting while we wait.  We have been given the gift of true celebration...to rejoice when our girl makes these strides. 

Here is another look!  Seriously, I could look at this all day....we are rejoicing!

All of this makes me realize how much I am sure I take for granted.  All of the things around me that I don't even bother to be thankful for.  The great gift of Ashlyn for us is heightened awareness.  We see clearly what other babies are doing and we know it takes more time for Ashlyn.  But the littlest things have us jumping for joy with hearts of gratitude.  I can't help but think what my days would be like if I spent more time in gratitude for even the smallest things.....Ashlyn is helping me.  I have said it before, we needed her way more than she needed us.  So, today, I am thanking God for a little girl who can get herself into a crawling position.  And for this:

Check out the big girl starting to hold her sippy cup by herself.  Might seem little, but ask any of our therapists who have been working with her...it is big!  One more thing to celebrate!

Family Gathering

This past weekend we were able to spend some time with some of the people I love most in the world.  We met up in Columbus, Ohio with my mom's side of the family.  Ever since childhood, we made yearly visits to Ohio where my grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins lived.  Now we are all scattered across the midwest and still try to meet every summer for one big gathering. This time we met in Columbus, Ohio where my cousin, Ashley and her husband, John live. Our group is getting bigger as more babies keep being added.  That is what made this trip really special....we got to meet Landon, who is my cousin Ashley's first baby.  Kyla and Ashlyn had a great time and loved being with everyone.  This little trip was full of fun things for them, including staying in a hotel....Kyla thought it was really fun!  She especially loved her big hotel bed and the hotel pool.  

Here she is jumping on her big hotel bed

And trying the bed out

Ashlyn and Daddy getting comfy on the bed

Kyla loving some pool time

And Ashlyn too....loved splashing!

As I said before, our family is growing with new babies being added.  We were so excited to meet the newest addition, Landon.

Here he is in all of his cuteness

Ashlyn introducing herself to Landon

And Kyla giving him some kisses

Like I said, this side of my family is from Ohio and they are all huge Ohio State fans.  So, we headed to Ohio State's campus and spent some time at the football stadium. 

Here is Kyla talking to her Great Grandpa on the phones he got for her

Cousins....just the girls.  Kara, me, Julie and Ashley

The men in our lives (giving their tough looks)....Jeremy, John, Dustin and Troy

All the cousins...Ashley, me, Matt, Scott, Julie and Kara

Aunts, Uncles and Grandpa - Aunt De, Uncle Rod, Grandpa, mom, dad, Aunt Tammy and Uncle Mark

The two Ash's in my life....my sweet cousin, Ashley Jill and my sweet girl, Ashlyn Ruby

Another really fun thing we did together was go to the Columbus Zoo (rated best zoo in the country last year).  We had such a great time!

Sisters ready to check out some animals

Ashlyn and Julie

Kyla getting a lift from Scott

Kyla showing the flamingo's how she can flap her arms like a bird

Ashlyn taking a snooze at the zoo

Classic picture....Kyla letting her Great Grandpa know she does not want to stand by that thing!

Buddies....Kyla and her Great Grandpa Thurman.  She is one blessed little girl to have this man in her life.

In a perfect world we would all live in the same city together and get to see each other all the time.  We wouldn't have to wait for just once a year.  But, when we are together I am so thankful for that time.  So thankful for a family who really loves each other and for people who really love God and have pointed me to Him since I was a little girl.  So thankful that those same people are in my girls lives. 

Ashlyn having fun with her Great Uncle Mark

And Kyla loving being with her Aunt Kara

We had a great time being together....talking and laughing.  I am missing them already.....some of the people I love the most in the world.