The ads that makes me cry

A couple of weeks ago I was thumbing through a Parents magazine that I had received in the mail and as I turned the last page and looked at the back of the magazine I saw this ad for Pampers diapers.....

At first I just glanced at it, but the baby in the bottom left hand corner immediately caught my attention because she has Down Syndrome.  I couldn't believe it....I kept staring at it.  My heart was so happy to see that Pampers had included a baby with Down Syndrome in their ads.  It means inclusion to me....it means that they think babies with Down Syndrome are special and valued enough to plaster all over their ads that millions of people see.  It means they value my girl.  I showed the ad to Troy later on and we talked about how cool it was.  And, then awhile later, Kyla saw the magazine just laying around and when she saw the ad on the back, she pointed to the little baby in the left hand corner and said, "That baby looks like Ashlyn."  She has no idea that their is anything different about the baby in the ad or her sister, she just thinks there is something about them that is the same. 

Well, a few weeks after seeing that ad, I saw a commercial on TV from Pampers that I love.  The tears were in my eyes the first time I saw it because it is so beautiful....I still tear up when I see it.  It features babies in such a special way, showing how different they can be and how different their circumstances can be, but how valued they all should be.  How each baby is a miracle and deserves the same kind of unconditional love.  And, in this commercial is a baby with Down Syndrome.   Yes, they are miracles and yes, they deserve unconditional love....just like any other baby in the world.  I am so happy that Pampers has done these ads and for the inclusion they show in representing special needs families along with lots of others.   Take a look at this beautiful commercial..... 

Growing up

All of a sudden, I am noticing Kyla turning a corner and turning into more of a big girl....more of a kid and not a toddler.  I have been seeing it happen in little ways, but in the last few months I am seeing my girl make big strides into the world of growing up.  This past winter/spring Kyla did her first extracurricular classes.  She did gymnastics and ballet and loved both of them.  Kyla has tended to be shy and timid by nature in new situations, but I have watched her walk into these classes without being afraid, participate, talk to the other kids and have a great time.

Here she is before one of her gymnastics classes

She loved ballet as well and so did I.  I told Troy after the first day that just the sight of all of those little girls in pink leotards spinning around like ballerinas was worth the money of the class for me.

Here she is on the first day with her sweet, shy smile....ready to give ballet a try

 I know she won't grow up to be a ballerina, but I will always cherish these pictures and memories

 She wanted to take a picture by the pink flowers that matched her ballet outfit

One really big kid thing Kyla just learned to do is ride a bike with training wheels.  We got her this bike for her 4th birthday, but when your birthday is in January, you can't get out and ride right away.  So, as it has gotten warmer we have been working on it.  It didn't take her long and now she loves to do it.

Practicing with Daddy

 All by herself

 Troy just got a used bike from Craig's List and now he and Kyla go out for bike rides together...this is the day Daddy came home with his new bike

This week Kyla will finish up her first year of preschool.  She absolutely loved it and it has been so good for her.  She loves learning and has loved the routine of preschool.  On preschool days, once I picked her up she would tell me who was the line leader that day, what letter they learned about and all of the fun stuff that comes with preschool.  It has been so great for us to see her blossom during this year.

Here she is at a tea party at her preschool (at our church) modeling the hat she made

 Sipping some tea

The most recent thing that made me realize we are entering a new world, is the presence of neighborhood kids into our lives.  When your kids are babies and toddlers, they are still learning to talk and walk so they can't really interact much with the kids who live around them.  Since Kyla was a newborn she has been around other kids at church or playgroups, but this is different.  One day last week we were outside and she was riding her bike and a girl from across the street started waving at Kyla.  And my shy little four year old said, "Mommy, I want to go talk to her."  So, we headed across the street and talked to the neighbor girl and her brothers for a few minutes.  We went on our way and then on our ride back home she saw them outside again and said, "Mommy, I want to go play with them."  At this point I needed to get inside and start dinner and I am not ready for her just to be across the street playing without me.  So I told her she could go tell them they could come to our yard and play.  We looked both ways, crossed the street and she walked up to this little girl and said, "My mommy said you can come over to our yard to play."  My heart melted as she said the words.....my girl is growing up.  Her world is starting to get bigger.

The little girl went and asked her mom (who apparently has no problem letting her kids go to someone else's yard to play without her or without even knowing who I am) and she and her brothers crossed the street to our house.  I watched Kyla and the three of them outside in our driveway doing sidewalk chalk and I couldn't believe it....there she was talking with them and laughing and having a great time.  I called Troy and said, "Our daughter is outside playing with the kids from across the street.  She is getting so big." 

Here they are outside in the backyard playing (the brothers decided to go home at this point). And Ashlyn decided she wanted to play too.

Things like this just keep happening and I see her changing and growing. I see her waving at kids and saying hi, I see her playing with kids at the park she doesn't know and I see her petting dogs!!  This is a big one because Kyla has been extremely afraid of dogs and just today on two different instances she pet dogs without knowing them and with no encouragement from me.  Both times it was happening, I was thinking this is crazy.  And, what makes it even better is that tonight as we were praying with her at bedtime she said, "Thank you, Jesus, that I got to pet two dogs today and that one was brown and one was white."  Good stuff.

I see it happening....she is changing from a toddler to a kid.  Her world is getting bigger and she is growing up.  Even though my heart feels all sorts of emotions as I see it happening, I am filled with joy as I watch it.   I heard someone I really respect say that the biggest prayer she prays for her children is that they would have hearts that really love God, because if they do everything else will fall into place.  So, as I see her growing up and trying new things, I try my best to point her to Jesus everyday in all things and pray that she would have a heart that loves God above all else.

My firstborn......we have left baby world, we have left toddler world.....we have entered kid world.  I love her so much.

Building a life

Today I am celebrating nine years of marriage with my husband.  Nine years is not a long time compared to the length of many marriages and certainly not a long time in comparison to the amount of time I want to be married to him (75 years is what we are shooting for).  But, the beautiful thing about the years adding up is you get to start seeing what you are building together. 

Today as I type there are two little girls upstairs in their rooms resting (one more quietly than the other).  There are toys scattered around the floor.  There are crayons on the table with coloring books open, a princess dress laying on a coffee table ready to be worn, sippy cups in the fridge, laundry in the dryer to be folded and little shoes lined up by the front door.  We have a home.....we have children....we are building a life together.

Nine years ago on this day, I had no idea what all was ahead but I knew that I wanted to build a life together with Troy.   Over our first nine years together we have lived in different places, changed jobs, made new friends, had two babies, have prayed a lot, laughed a ton and cried as well.  But the one thing that has not changed in my life in the past nine years is Troy Hochstetler.  Through every change, he has been my loving constant.  That is the beautiful thing about a real, committed, God centered marriage......through all of the years and all of the twists and turns, there are two people who are always the constant for each other.  Because we are just nine years into this and I know there is a lot to come.  Our kids will grow up, we won't always live in the same house, friends will come and go, surprises will come and a million other things, but there will always be this.....Troy, Shari and God.....holding onto each other and loving all along the way.  And each year that passes we will look back and see what we are building.

These past nine years have been the biggest blast of my life.  I am so in love with my husband and that makes for a really great life. Nine years and I cannot wait for more.

Check up at Riley

I have learned many new things and gained a great deal of information over the first two years of Ashlyn's life.  I have read books about Down Syndrome, learned new terminology,  met new people, gone to more appointments than I used to, and am always in the process of learning more sign language.  One other thing I have learned is to never take your child's health for granted.  Before Ashlyn was born, I know I took Kyla's health for granted and just assumed that the next child we would have would be just the same.  

Our family spent this morning in Indy at Riley Hospital for Children for Ashlyn's two year check up at the Down Syndrome clinic there.  When you enter this place, you receive a big helping of perspective.  You pass signs for oncology, see the place where wheelchair fittings take place and watch parents hold up bags while their children receive feeding treatments.  You don't have to spend but a few minutes there to know to take nothing for granted. 

The gift of Ashlyn in my life has taught me that things you think will never ever happen, really do happen.  That your life can change in the course of a doctor giving you a diagnosis.  That has been true for every family that has had a child visit Riley......on all sorts of different levels.  Ashlyn has Down Syndrome and does have delays, but is very physically healthy and doing so well.  I don't take that for granted.  I am thankful for her health and her progress.  I have learned through our experience and the times we have been to Riley, that no one's child is exempt from having health problems or surgery or additional appointments.  I know our health and the health of our children or how many chromosomes they have is not a sure thing and certainly not something we can depend on for our security. 

I have learned that God is the one sure thing.  The only sure thing.  I have learned to never think it is our right to have a child with no health problems or delays.  I have learned to be thankful for every piece of health we are given and to know God will take care of us if things change.

I am thankful for Riley and the extremely caring doctors that care for children and their families there.  I am thankful for Dr. Lytle who sees Ashlyn and loves on her and takes time to talk to us about all of our questions.  Ashlyn had a really good appointment today and they said she is doing great.  We talked through a few of our concerns and things to watch for in the future.  And, once again, we left feeling so grateful that Ashlyn is our daughter and for her health.

Cuddling with daddy while waiting for the doctor

Still waiting, but having lots of fun....

 Waiting to get blood drawn and about to be not so happy

Getting some comfort from mommy after it was all done

One tired girl....it took a lot out of her

If your children are healthy today, don't take it for granted.

Walking

I have been anticipating the day I would get to say this.....Ashlyn is starting to walk!!  We have been waiting and praying for this.  We have been cheering for her and telling her she could do it.

The greatest blessing of this is that every time I watch her do it, I am filled with the same excitement and thankfulness.  I don't think it is going to get old.  The reason is because I held her as a newborn baby while doctors told me all of the delays she would likely face.  My heart hurt as I saw children half her age taking their first steps and moving all over the place.  I have been in countless therapy sessions while Ashlyn worked and worked to take a tiny step while holding onto something. I have laid awake in bed at night and wondered if I was doing enough.  So, when you know all of those things and you have experienced all of those things and then you see them doing it, there is nothing like it.  When I watch those chubby little legs move across our family room all I can think is, "Thank you, God.  From the bottom of our hearts....thank you."

These are sweet and joyous days.  These are redemptive days....tears we cried are being redeemed and God is showing Himself strong over and over again. God has certainly used this time to refine me and teach me patience.  We are realizing how thrilling it can be when it took a little more time and work to get there.  At 24 months, Ashlyn is taking her first steps and we could not be more proud of her.  Check out our amazing girl, WALKING!

Thankful for motherhood

Each year on Mother's Day I feel incredibly grateful.  I feel grateful because God blessed me with an amazing mom.  Since I was a little girl I have loved her and now as a grown woman and mother myself, I love her in a whole new way.  We talk on the phone many times throughout the week about anything from clothes, to the latest mascara we like to recipes.  I also talk to her about mothering and she understands everything I say and listens to me and prays for me and gives me great advice.  I am so thankful for my mom.

I am grateful for my mother in law.  First, because she raised the man I love and he is a great man....I will always thank her for that.  Also, because she is so kind and cares about me and we have a blast together.  I know not every girl could say this, but I really love my mother in law.

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a mom and stay home and be with my kids.  I am living that dream and everyday I pinch myself that it is really happening.  Being a mommy to Kyla and Ashlyn is one of the single greatest joys of my life.  I could not think of anything in the world I would rather be than their mom.  I love them so much it hurts sometimes.

This weekend as we celebrated Mother's Day I was feeling the blessings big time because we were together as a family doing some of the things I love the very most.......

Daddy and the girls surprised me with cupcakes!

 We spent a lot of time outside and brought some of our spring flowers from outside to inside

 Kyla and I colored together

 We spent more time outside planting some new flowers for the summer.  Kyla is ready with her gardening gloves.

 She was a great helper with the planting

 As always, Ashlyn loved it outside

 Really loved it.....

 Sisters playing

 We tried to get a nice mother and daughter picture this morning after church, but we are just not in the season where that happens easily.  We tried.....

 and tried again.  My two girls and one really grateful mommy.

Happy Mother's Day.

Birthdays and answered prayers

In the past couple of days I have been looking through a journal that I had written in during the time I was pregnant with Ashlyn.  It was surreal to go back and look through all of the prayers I prayed during that time having no idea what was ahead.  I love looking back through prayer journals because they allow you to see where you were a at a certain point in time and all of the ways God worked.  It also makes me laugh sometimes remembering the things I was going through or things I thought were important at the time. I mean it is pretty humbling to know that the creator of the universe cares about me so much that He hears my prayers about pregnancy heartburn and really cares. What I love is that as I read them, I know that each one of those prayers were heard by God and so important to Him.....from the smallest to the biggest.

Throughout my journal, there was everything from asking for relief from morning sickness to helping me potty train Kyla.  I asked God for help in naming our baby on the way and for the transition of going from one child to two.  And I as sat today looking at the journal, feeling the emotions of all I prayed for during that time, I realized how very much God answered my prayers. Right after Ashlyn was born I went through a time of feeling as if God had not watched over the baby who I had carried.  Because if He had, how could He have let it happen this way? 

Looking back through that journal, the request I made over and over of God was that my baby would be kept safe and would be healthy.  As I read it, I see how very much God answered my prayer.  Although in His Sovereignty, He chose to give her an extra chromosome, she is so healthy.  And, as hard as it is to say, even if she would have been born not healthy, God would be no less faithful.  We can't only trust God and call him faithful only when He answers our prayers the way we want Him to.  We call Him faithful and trustworthy because that is who He is, regardless of circumstances or how prayers are answered.

One other prayer from this journal that I noticed from one day's entry was that I asked God to allow this baby to bring much love and joy to our home.  As we celebrated Ashlyn's second birthday over this past weekend, I once again was reminded of how much God truly did answer the prayers I prayed before I even met her.  

Good morning, birthday girl!

Trying to show us with her fingers that she is 2

Big girl ready to party

With Grandma and Grandpa

Opening presents

Our family

Having fun

 Trying out her new ride

Monkey cake for the little monkey

Let's clap....the cake is here

Me and my girl

While I was pregnant with Ashlyn, before I knew anything about the tears that I would cry on the day she was born, I prayed to God that this child would bring much love and joy to our home.  Here is His answer to my prayer.....

Ashlyn has done just that.  Everyday our lives are full of so much love and joy because of her.  A love and joy we would not have known without her.  She has changed our world for the better and God knew that she would.  Answered prayer....not how I ever thought it would be, but better than I could have dreamed.  Thank you, God, for Ashlyn Ruby and the incredible gift she is to us.  Happy Birthday to our two year old girl....we love you so much.