The Many Faces of Ashlyn Ruby

The other day I was sitting outside with the girls while we were waiting for Daddy to get home.  Kyla was doing sidewalk chalk and Ashlyn was sitting by her and I was noticing how much she was loving being outside.  I have already noticed that she always likes being outside, but yesterday was perfect weather and Ashlyn was loving every minute!  Here are some of the many faces of Ashlyn::

This face says, "Did somebody just say my name?"

This one says, "I really, really love being with my big sister!"

"I am thinking about something...."

The following pictures are what Troy and I refer to as "Ashlyn conducting the choir."  She starts making singing noises and then gets her arms going.

Getting into it now

And the big finale....

This face says, "My Daddy is home!".  She is in love!  I am pretty sure the feeling is mutual!

This face says, "I am one happy girl!"

These are the kind of moments that make life so beautiful.....I am soaking them up.  And, Ashlyn Ruby....well, seeing these faces of hers everyday is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

St. Louis Cardinals and Albert Pujols

We are big St. Louis Cardinals fans.  I grew up in the St. Louis metro area and Troy grew up in Springfield, IL (about an hour north), where most people are Cardinals fans.  We both grew up rooting for the Cardinals.  My dad has had season tickets to the Cardinals since I was a little girl so I have been going to games all my life.  I think Troy was pretty excited when he first found out that my dad has these tickets....luckily, I already knew he really liked me or I could have wondered if it was just the tickets :) 


As my husband would say, "We bleed Cardinal red."  I have seen this man pace the floors through many a big game and back in 2005 when they won the World Series, I swear I saw tears in his eyes.  He denies it to this day, but I really think I saw them.  Another one of Troy's favorite things to say is, "In this house, we celebrate every Cardinals win and every Cubs loss."  We had this same rule in my house growing up.  Now that we live in Lafayette, IN, we are definitely outnumbered by Cubs fans.  Whenever I walk into our local Meijer and see Cubs gear greeting me as I walk in, I inwardly think... "stupid Cubs."  I can't help it.....I was raised this way.  I was very happy a few months back when I walked into Meijer and saw Cardinals gear also greeting me along side the Cubs stuff....maybe there are some Cards fans around here.


Here is a picture of the newest Cardinals fan in our family....showing her pride:

 

Here she is with mommy and daddy...we tried to get Kyla in this picture, but she was "in a mood" about taking pictures.  This was taken at my parents house the day Troy and I were going to a Cards game.

 

My absolute favorite part about the Cardinals right now is Albert Pujols.  Yes, he is the star player.  Yes, he is one of the best players in baseball.  It is more than that.  He is an unbelievable Christian and he also has a daughter with Down Syndrome.  I remember after Ashlyn was born, it kind of just popped into my head one day that I remembered that Albert Pujols had a daughter with Down Syndrome.  Well, a few weeks after that I was looking through our mail and I saw a letter in the mail with the return label saying it was from the Pujols Family Foundation.  I opened it to read a letter from Albert Pujols saying that his foundation had received word that we just had a child born with Down Syndrome....it went on to say what a blessing their daughter was to them and how he uses his foundation to promote awareness and bring hope to the children and families connected with Down Syndrome.  I already knew that he did tons of events for kids with Down Syndrome in the St. Louis area, but I didn't know about his foundation.  He also included one of his baseball cards in with the letter.  When Troy got home that day, I was so excited to show him.  He just kept staring at it and saying how awesome Albert Pujols is.  Then, a few weeks later when my dad was here....same thing.  He just kept staring at it and saying how awesome Albert Pujols is.  The letter is tucked safely away in Ashlyn's baby book.

A couple of weeks ago when we were at my parents house, Troy and my dad went to a Cards game one night.  While he was there, Troy sent me a text and said that just a few rows in front of them was an adorable little girl with Down Syndrome.  He also texted me a picture of her.  After the game, Troy and my dad were able to talk with the family.  It turns out they adopted this little girl three years earlier when someone contacted the Pujols Family Foundation and said they knew they were going to have a baby with Down Syndrome and wondered if they knew anyone who was interested in adopting their child...they just didn't think they could handle it.  Well, the mother at the game was that person and the little girl was that baby.  How awesome that the Pujols Family Foundation could be used that way and that also that family chose adoption over abortion.  Troy told me that the girl (her name was Carley) was the life of the party in the section they were sitting in and a very happy little girl.

Here is a picture of Albert Pujols on deck from my dad's seats.  We are so proud to root for a team that has such a great man on it.....who loves God and stands up for kids with Down Syndrome, including his own daughter.

 

Saturday morning Troy was out running errands, which included a stop to the gas station and while there he was wearing his Cardinals hat.  A man walked up to him and said that he was also a Cards fan and was surprised to see another one here amongst all the Cubs fans.  He told Troy that he grew up in Springfield, IL.....too crazy!  They shared about growing up in Springfield and rooting for the Cardinals and he found out Troy was a pastor.  The man ended up sharing some difficult things going on in his life right now and they ended up praying right there at the gas station....two Cardinals fans. 

 

 

Go Cards!  (Obviously, Kyla was still "in a mood").

Grandma and Grandpa's house

Last week we were able to go visit my parents.  We had such a great time and it is so fun to see the excitement of "going to Grandma and Grandpa's house" through the eyes of children.  When I was growing up, I was blessed to have one set of grandparents who lived in the same town as us and who I saw very regularly.  My other grandparents lived far away in Ohio and we usually saw them twice a year.  In both cases, there was just something so special about being at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  It didn't matter if I had just been there a couple of days ago or if it had been half of a year, I loved being there.  For days leading up to our visit Kyla would ask every day if that was the day we were going to Grandma and Grandpa's house.

We all had a great time together.  Troy and my dad went golfing a couple of times and my mom and I had lots of moments of laughter and fun together.  Troy and I went to a St. Louis Cardinals game one night and Troy got to go a second time with my dad on a different night (my dad has season tickets and the seats are amazing.....I will post pictures of that soon)!  And, the girls had so much fun!  We felt bad for Ashlyn because she was hurting from getting some teeth in, but she had lots of arms to hold her and love on her.  Kyla got to stay up later, catch lighting bugs when it started to get dark, make rice krispies with Grandma and lots of other fun stuff. 

Here are some pictures of the fun:

Ashlyn with Grandpa

A very messy summer girl....ready to catch lighting bugs

Sisters....Ashlyn thought something was funny!

Having fun with some toys at Grandma and Grandpa's house

Ashlyn being her cute self

Kyla and Grandma

Blowing bubbles

The girls with Grandma and Grandpa

I am so very thankful for the wonderful grandparents our girls have been blessed with and for the memories that are starting to be made of the magical childhood times that are spent at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  So, now Kyla has begun the countdown for when we get to go to Grandma and Grandpa Hochstetler's house in July.

Father's Day Love

I remember when Troy and I were dating and I started to just know in my heart that I was going to marry him.  And when you are in love with somebody and thinking about marrying them, you start to dream about your future together.  I remember dreaming about the babies we might have one day and thinking about Troy as a daddy.  To see those dreams as a reality today is like seeing answered prayers everyday. 

Troy and I started seriously talking about starting a family soon after we moved to Indianapolis and started our first ministry assignment.  I knew Troy was starting to really feel it in his heart that he thought he was ready and we were having lots of conversations about it.  In one conversation I remember him saying to me that he just wanted to be sure he was enough of a man to be a father.  I knew just in him making that statement that he was. 

Seeing Troy as a father has surpassed all my dreams.  He is so incredibly patient and loving with our girls.  I see how deeply he cares for them and how he points them to Jesus in everyday conversation. He works so very hard for our family to provide all we need and take care of us.  I know Kyla and Ashlyn feel so safe with him.  When Daddy comes home at the end of his work day all three of us girls are so happy to see him.  And after working a full day, he always pours his energy into them.  He is indeed exactly what he said he wanted to be before he became a father.....he is the strong man that it takes to be a Godly dad. 

Our girls don't know it yet, but they will see one day how very blessed they are that he is their dad.  The other day the girls and I were listening to some music at home and a song came on that Troy and I had at our wedding.  I was telling Kyla that and she was asking why we got married.  I told her it was because we love each other and at the end of the conversation she told me that she wants to marry daddy.  I remember thinking that if she someday marries someone like her daddy, she will be one very lucky girl. 

I am very thankful for all the dreams that have come true in seeing Troy as a daddy to our girls.  It can be pretty crazy with a one year old and three year old....actually really crazy.  But we are having so much fun together on this ride!  I am also really thankful today for my own dad.  Today as a grown woman I see how very blessed I am that he was chosen as my dad.  To this day he is such a source of love and encouragement in my life.  I am so thankful.

Here are some pictures of Troy with his girls when they were babies:

Troy with Kyla when she was just weeks old

Troy with Ashlyn just days after she was born

And these are some pictures from today on Father's Day....Troy with his girls! 

Daddy and Kyla

Hugs and Kisses

Daddy and Ashlyn

Daddy with his girls

This card from Kyla and Ashlyn sums it all up!

Happy Father's Day!

Front Porch Rocking....

I love, love, love houses that have big front porches that you can put rocking chairs on.  When we lived in Indianapolis our house had a huge front porch that we loved.  I know it was one of the main reasons we picked the house.  One of the first things we purchased when we bought that house was rocking chairs for the front porch.  We spent so much time out there.  Troy and I would sit out there in the evenings and talk.  Kyla was just a baby then and she loved to be out there too.  Here are some pictures taken on that front porch by our favorite photographers, Wade and Stephanie Carignan:

Kyla at 6 months old

I love this one!

Taking it all in from the rocking chair

Kyla and Mommy

Kyla and Daddy

It was so hard for me to leave that house.  It was just a little ranch for our little family of three, but I loved it so much and I loved that front porch.  Well, the house we live in now does not have a huge front porch, but it has a little one.  I remember when we looked at this house, Troy and I talked about how it would have enough room for our rocking chairs.  Kyla and Ashlyn both have their own rocking chairs as well, thanks to Troy's Aunt Sharon who bought them each one.  Here are some pictures that I took recently of the girls in their rocking chairs out on our current front porch:

Two girls enjoying a summer evening in their rocking chairs

Ashlyn Ruby likes her chair

Ashlyn hanging out with Libby, one of Kyla's babies

Happy girl in her rocking chair

Kyla with her baby doll, Libby

I still miss the front porch at our old house, but I really, really love the people I get to sit on this front porch with.  So many great talks have been had on these rocking chairs.  So many times of calming down a fussy baby just by taking them outside to rock for a little bit. So many waves and talks with neighbors who are outside too.  I am ready for lots of summer evening front porch rocking....we love it on cool, fall evenings too.  Bottom line is that I am convinced that any house we ever live in will need to have a front porch for rocking chairs. 

Long Stretch

It is has been kind of a tough week for this mama.  I have felt discouragement building in me that started to give way this morning during Ashlyn's occupational therapy session.  We seem to be going through a stretch right now where we aren't seeing much progress in things we have been working on with Ashlyn for awhile.  As her mom, I often am wondering if I am doing everything okay.  Should I be trying something different?  The problem is, I really don't know what else to try.

I think Ashlyn would be much happier if she was moving around, but she isn't crawling yet.  I feel bad for her when I see her frustrated.  I try everything to help her, but lately it seems to make her more frustrated.  She is still having trouble getting food in her mouth by herself....it keeps getting caught in her fingers.  I have been noticing that she seems to be doing something weird with her thumb (pulling it in instead of holding onto the food) and this morning I mentioned it to our therapist.  She noticed the same thing.  She called it "hypermobile"....basically Ashlyn has looser joints, which can make things like this hard.  So, she said we might need to try a splint on her hand to help her with this. 

This past week between working on picking up food and trying to help Ashlyn drink through a straw, meal times have been kind of stressful.  On several occasions Ashlyn was arching her back in her high chair and crying and I was trying to remain calm and encourage her.  During one of those times Kyla said to Ashlyn, "Don't worry, Ash, Jesus is with you."  And then she asked me if we could pray for Ashlyn, so we stopped and did just that....."Dear Jesus, please help Ashlyn while she is trying to pick up her crackers."  It is so simple but so profound at the same time.  I am very thankful for the heart I see developing in Kyla....her heart towards Ashlyn and Jesus.  I am thankful that each moment can be turned into a God moment....where we invite Him in.  I am thankful that during times when I was inwardly starting to lose it, my three year old pointed me to Jesus. 

A few months ago I was with a mom who is a parent of teenagers and we were talking about different mothering types of things and she said something that will always stay with me.  She said, "The goal for our children is not for them to live a life of ease, but for them to be like Christ."  That really spoke to me because I think we all want our kids to have things as easy as possible....we don't want them to have to struggle.  But, I was reminded through this long week of watching Ashlyn continue to try and try and seeing Kyla with her, that my prayer is that our whole family will be more like Christ because of it.  No, it isn't always easy, but moments that inspire prayers like, "Dear Jesus, please help Ashlyn while she is trying to pick up her crackers" are worth so much more than the struggle.

So, yes, it has been a challenging week.  It has been a little exhausting for me as a mom.  My heart hurts at times.  But, oh, I love these girls!  And, Daddy is home today....Daddy has a way of making everything more calm......we girls adore him!  The word "perseverance" is on my mind today...perseverance in working with Ashlyn, in prayer and in trusting God.....and in knowing that this long stretch will soon give way to lots of new things.  Thankful today for peace in the middle of challenge.

Things We Can't See

I have learned so much about the faithfulness and character of God over the past year of my life.  I am so thankful and still really in awe.  Shortly after Ashlyn was born, I began to see little ways in which God already had things and people in place to help us on this journey.  Well, those things have just kept happening, to the point where it is hard to believe that a year ago I had doubts about His sovereignty.  I know it is okay to have those doubts and if you are there right now, that's alright.  There are things that happen that rock our world so much, it is hard not to wonder.  But, if you look and watch for God to work, I bet you won't be there long.  I am not saying the pain will stop immediately, but He seems to have a way of clearing up any doubt on who is in control.

Soon after Ashlyn was born I was contacted by a friend I went to college with.  We were friends on Facebook and so she knew that my daughter was born with Down Syndrome.  She told me about a family friend of hers who also had a daughter with Down Syndrome and asked if I would like for her to contact me through email.  I was still very vulnerable at this point but really did want someone to talk to who knew what I was going through.  I found out this person lived in Kansas City, which I thought was very ironic, since Troy and I lived there for three years and my sister still currently lives there.  Anyway, I soon got an email from Tammy who told me all about her sweet daughter, Lily.  I asked her all sorts of questions and she gave me all sorts of encouragement.  I was even able to meet Tammy and Lily when Troy and I were in Kansas City visiting my sister and we still talk through email.  God knew when I was in college that He would place my friend, Kara, on the same floor as me our freshmen year and that we would have mutual friends all through college.  He knew that my husband and I would live in Kansas City after we were first married and that all that time there was a family living there who we would one day meet years down the road. He knew that one day my sister would live there. It was all connected....people, places and timing....long before we knew.

A little while after that, while I was still in a very vulnerable place, I began my second year at the MOPS group I attend here in Lafayette (I could tell you all about an amazing friendship God had waiting for me there...but that will be another post.)  At one of the first meetings I told the group of women at my table that my daughter was just born with Down Syndrome.  In the next sentence, someone at the table was telling me about a family at her church that just had a little girl with Down Syndrome and that she would give the mother my contact information.  Soon I was talking with Laura who is the mother to beautiful, Anna Joy.  It started with some emails and I found out her Anna was exactly a year older than my Ashlyn.  We soon started meeting at Starbucks, which we still do, and it was an instant connection.  Everything that was said the other one completely understood.  The craziest part is that Laura and her family had just moved back to Lafayette.  God knew....He knew it all.  The people I needed to sit by at MOPS who would know Laura.  The timing of my move to Lafayette and hers.  God knew it all.  He had it all waiting and worked out...every detail.  Laura has been an amazing encouragement to me.  On Ashlyn's first birthday she showed up on my doorstep and gave me the biggest hug and handed me a prayer journal which included a note from her in it.  As I walked back in my house that day, I thought, "Thank you, God.  You are unbelievable.  All along, you knew."

About a month ago I was talking to my sister on the phone and she was telling me about one of our friends from childhood.  And she said, "Shari, you are not going to believe it.  I just found out on Facebook that Amy Copeland just had a little girl born with Down Syndrome."  Amy Copeland, who is now married and has a different last name, was the granddaughter of the pastor at the church I grew up in when I was a little girl.  I hadn't talked to her in years.  I immediately found her on Facebook and we connected again.  Amy did just have her third little girl, Willow, who was born with Down Syndrome.  When we were little and Amy was in town visiting her grandparents, she would come and stay at our house for a night or we would we stay with her.  Amy, my sister and I would laugh and giggle as only little girls can.  We played games and pretend wedding.  I remember all of that.  Here we are all of these years later and both of our girls have Down Syndrome.  God knew when we were little girls, that we would need each other someday.  That we would walk a similar journey.  When He placed her grandfather at our church when I was a little girl, it was all starting to be connected.  And guess where Amy lives....Kansas City!  I will be there this fall and will hopefully get the chance to see Amy again and meet Willow...and I will still be in awe of God's work.

Fast forward to about two weeks ago when Kyla and I were walking down our street.  A few houses down on the opposite side of our road, we see a little girl and her mom outside.  Kyla told me she wanted to meet that girl, so we went over and said hi.  Kyla and the little girl, Emily soon started playing with sidewalk chalk and so the mom and I started talking.  Her name is Nikki and I had never met her before.  We made small talk and discussed all sorts of things.  It came up in the conversation that I had a daughter with Down Syndrome and she told me that one of her really good friends here in Lafayette has a son with Down Syndrome.  She said her friends name is Peggy and that she is the head of a Lafayette area group for parents of kids with Down Syndrome.  She said she would love to get us in contact.  The next day, Nikki, is at my door dropping off Peggy's phone number and some books that Peggy wanted her to give me.  Yesterday I called Peggy and the whole time I was again thinking, "Unbelievable. God, you knew everything I would need."  Peggy and I instantly shared the very common bond of having a child with an extra chromosome.  I have no idea what she looks like or much about her, but in one conversation we were talking about the shock of finding out and the pain that followed.  Her son, Cason, is four and in that conversation Peggy said, "It was so hard at the beginning, but I wouldn't change a thing."  The details that God had in place boggle my mind.  Two years ago when we moved here, Troy and I prayed that God would put us in the right house, right where He wanted us.  Little did I know as we moved in, that right down the street was someone God knew I would need to meet one day.  Unbelievable.

I feel almost ashamed of myself that a year ago I was having doubts about God's sovereignty, but as I look back I can almost feel Him saying, "I know you can't see it now.  But just watch...I am going to show you things that will blow your mind.  I have had it all worked out way before you ever knew."  And, He definitely has done just that. God, in His unbelievable love and mercy, has always had it taken care of.  Every person, detail, place and time....He had it all ready for me to take this journey.  To say I am grateful is an understatement. 

Whatever you are going through today...no matter how confusing, difficult or downright painful....I can promise you God is sovereign over that situation.  There are things going on we just can't see.  He is and has been working it all out....everything you will need.  Sometimes when things are the most unclear, those are the times when we can see God at work the most.  There is a song on the radio that I love right now and one of the lines says, "Life is not a snapshot.  Someday you will see the bigger picture."  What you see right now is not all there is.  There is so much more going on.  God is at work...He always has been.  Trust Him...you really can.

Sisters in Action

One of the things that I love best is seeing Kyla and Ashlyn interact with each other.  They adore each other.  Ashlyn loves to watch Kyla and Kyla loves to help Ashlyn and make her feel better.  After Ashlyn was born, a I was processing everything, I felt deep sadness over their relationship as sisters.  I worried they wouldn't have a bond or be close.  I know their relationship will be different in some ways than what I had imagined, but I am starting to see how beautiful it is going to be.  Beauty I already see. 

A few days ago the three of us were having lunch and Kyla asked if she could help feed Ashlyn.  I told her that was fine and it was the coolest thing to see.  I got out our video recorder in hopes I could get some of it.  Usually when I get it out, they realize it is there and just stop whatever they were doing and stare at it.  This day, they just kept going. 

I love this video because you can see how expressive Ashlyn is starting to get with clapping and waving.  And you can see what a natural big sister Kyla is.  I really love the part where Kyla is helping Ashlyn with sign language.  It is just a part of our life now and it is okay and Kyla is fully embracing it.  In so many ways, she has been a leader for us....she has shown us from day one how to love without limits.  The thing I love the most about this video is that it shows just another way that God is taking something I thought would always be painful and turning it into something beautiful. 

Welcome Summer

This past weekend our family spent a lot of time welcoming summer, which included doing really fun summertime things.  I love all of the seasons and really love when a new one starts.  I was thinking a lot this past weekend about how last summer I was so disconnected from everything.  The shock of Ashlyn's diagnosis was all consuming.  I vividly remember all of the usual summer things going on, but I was numb to them and that felt so weird.  It felt like everything should just stop somehow, but of course, it didn't.  Last summer I can remember the feeling of "summer not feeling like summer" was something that added to my sadness....my sense of my world being turned upside down.

I am so looking forward to this summer.  I am excited for it being light until 9:30 at night, seeing lighting bugs in the backyard, having cookouts, eating ice cream, going swimming, seeing all of our neighbors outside and fireworks on the 4th of July.  I am really excited to see summer through the eyes of a 3 year old girl and a 1 year old girl.  I am thankful that I will get to feel it all....I won't be numb.  The absolute best part is that this summer, while all of these things are going on, our daughter will have Down Syndrome and it is okay.  We are okay....we are way more than okay.  This summer is going to be one, big juicy slice of redemption.  Life really does go on....God makes sure of that.

So, this past weekend, we let it all begin.  We started to soak in all the joys that summer brings.  We got to go swimming thanks to the kindness of our friends, Tim and Judy Hill.  They opened their beautiful pool to us and we had so much fun. Here is some proof:

Kyla and Daddy loving the water

Ashlyn liked floating around

Mommy and Ashlyn

Kyla taking a break from the water to sit out by the woods behind the house

We also went to get ice cream...another summer joy! 

Here is Kyla ready to dig in

Ashlyn got her first taste of ice cream.......

and this is what she thought!

Welcome, summer.  We are so glad you are here.  We are ready to soak you up.