Greater Glory

I am currently part of a women's Bible Study at our church and we are doing a study called, "Living Beyond Yourself," by my favorite, Beth Moore.  It is an in depth study of the fruit of the Spirit and I am learning so much.  My heart has been so stretched during this study because along the way, at many different points, I have felt God talking to me about Ashlyn.  Through this study of God's Word, my heart has new insight.  New perspective.

One day at home, I was doing my study to get ready for when we met as a group, and tucked away in part of that days lesson was a section of verses I am sure I have read before, but when I read them this time, with my Ashlyn upstairs in her room sleeping, it caused tears to run down my face.  The verses are John 9: 1 - 3 and this is what they say:

As he (Jesus) went along, he saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"  
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus,"but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

Whoa.  I feel like I can relate to that verse on every level.  First, because it refers to someone who was born with a disability....it was there from the very start.  Also, because there was a time when I questioned what could have caused Ashlyn being born with Down Syndrome.  And in this verse, in this particular circumstance, Jesus sets it all straight for anyone who questions.....it happened so that God's work could be displayed in this person's life.  For everyone around them to see it.  Now, if you read farther you will see that Jesus healed this blind man.  He was given his sight back.  I don't feel that there is anything for Ashlyn to be healed of....she has an extra chromosome that is part of her genetic make up.  That is how God made her.  But, I am convinced that it is so the work of God could be displayed in her life.

In this particular portion of the study, after the reading of that verse, Beth Moore goes on to say that, "consistently through God's Word, illness and infirmity arise as opportunities for God's work" because, "Christ always has glory in mind."  She goes on to say that, "It is consistent with our Savior to go for the greater glory."  It is Scripture and study like this that have had me continually amazed at God's faithfulness to keep  showing me His ways concerning Ashlyn.  To continue to show me that it is all way bigger than me or my understanding.  To show me that it is for greater glory.  To show me that when he created Ashlyn, he had glory in mind.....that her life could be used to show His glory.

A few weeks later, I was blown away again as I felt God was talking to me directly through this study with these words:

"God knows the intense pain of intense love.  If you are a parent, you have already experienced fear, vulnerability and pain.  And the Father hasn't missed one second of your parenthood.  If you have a child who is rejected by his peers, God knows how you feel.  If you have a child who is not beautiful to look upon, He knows how you feel.  If you have a child who has begged you to "fix" something you could not fix, He knows how you feel.  If you have a child who is suffering, He knows how you feel.
Once you've had a true glimpse of God's tender heart, you will begin to understand that if the Savior says "no" to a crying parent, it is because He's saying "yes" to eternal kingdom profit."

Again, whoa.  These words also had the tears rolling down my face.  First, because of how tender the heart of God is....how very understanding He is to each hurt we feel.  Also, because I have been a crying parent and I know I will be again...I don't think you can be a parent without being a crying one at times.  Eighteen months ago, I was a parent crying, "God, please don't let her have Down Syndrome.  Please let them be wrong.  Please don't let this be true."  And, I am starting to see that God said "no" to that because He was saying "yes" to eternal kingdom profit.  And, that is more than enough for me.

Well, God surprised me again when this past week, during the video teaching that goes along with this study, when Beth Moore used families of children with Down Syndrome as an example in her teaching.  She told the story of how she had a friend call and tell her she was expecting her third baby and they just found out the baby would be born with Down Syndrome.  The mother told her that she and her husband were doing pretty well, but that she was worried about their other children....the fact that their lives would be different and how she worried if it would be too much for them (I have been there with those worries.)  Beth Moore said as she was listening to her friend, her mind went immediately to another friend of hers who had a little girl in elementary school with Down Syndrome and all of the joy she brought to her immediate and extended family.  She told her friend on the phone about this family and that, yes, the siblings lives were different in some ways....they did have extra responsibilities.  One of the siblings helped her sister find her seat on the school bus and get to her class okay everyday.  Then she told her friend, those children are definitely not suffering.  She went on to say....."It just may be that those children are the most blessed children on the face of this earth because they learned at an early age what it means to spend yourself on someone else.  At an early age, they had self absorption stamped out of them." 

And, whoa, for a third time.  When I started this study, I had no idea it would speak on such things, but I am not surprised.  God is faithful beyond belief.  And just how it has been speaking to me in these ways, I know God has used it to speak to the other women in ways specific to them, in areas God is at work in their lives. 

Greater glory.....eternal kingdom profit.  I don't want to miss a second of it.

Everyday Ballerinas

If you stopped by our house on any given day, there is a very high chance you would see a girl in a tutu, or Barbie high heels or a princess leotard.  Usually at this point, that girl would be Kyla because Ashlyn doesn't know the world of dress up yet......but, her sister is quickly introducing her to it.  We have one very girlie girl and I think another one quickly following.

Many times in the afternoon I will turn music on or have it on while I am getting dinner ready and the girls are playing.  Every time Kyla asks me if she can wear her tutu and she will ask me to please get Ashlyn's too.  Here is a look at the two ballerina's in action:

Ballerina Ashlyn Ruby

 Ballerina Kyla Elise

 Ballerina sisters having fun

 This is another common scene in our house right now....Ashlyn loves to put her hands on her head and say "head."  She loves to let us all know she knows where her head is!  Kyla joining in!

 Big tutu's everywhere!

 Kyla working on getting a laugh out of Ashlyn....she does this very well.

 I love that our everyday life is filled with two little girls in big, poofy, pink tutu's.  And I love the fun they have together.  Everyday sisters.....everyday ballerinas.  Everyday love.

In sickness and in health

Okay, I am just going to warn you from the start that this will be an unashamed love fest about how awesome my husband is.  So, if you aren't into sappy things or wives who adore their husbands, you better stop reading now:)

If you are married, I am sure you had the phrase "to love and cherish in sickness and in health" in your wedding vows.  On our wedding day, I knew that there would be points when Troy and I would see each other really sick and yucky.  Well, lucky for Troy, he just got to experience that with me and the good old stomach flu.  I woke up in the middle of the night on Thursday and my stomach told me something was seriously not right and I knew what the next hours of my life would consist of.  Not pretty.  Speaking of not pretty is the mixture of me in flannel pj's, no makeup, no shower and the stomach flu.......that is rough.  Not a look I pull off well.  But, there was my man, bringing me things to make me feel better with "I love you's" and telling me "not to worry about anything....just rest" along the way.  And, the whole time I knew how much there was for him to do at work and all of the things I am sure were on his mind.

He got both of the girls dressed, fed them breakfast and got Kyla to preschool.  Soon after that he got the call that a precious, 99 year old woman from our church had just passed away.  Troy had been at the hospital with her and her family a lot in recent days.  So, with his wife at home as sick as a dog, he took Ashlyn with him and went to pray with the family.....when your daddy is a pastor, sometimes you go on hospital visits too.  Both of our girls have and will in the future, I am sure.  I was in bad shape for the whole day and Troy handled everything.....feeding the girls, playing with them, making multiple trips to our room to deliver me crackers and 7 Up, bathing the girls and getting them to bed.  All without complaint or hesitation.

It is true that your actions are an overflow of the condition of your heart.  Troy would be the first to tell you he isn't perfect....neither of us are.  But, I know the condition of his heart....it shows in his actions.  It showed yesterday big time.  His heart loves God and loves his family.  He spent his day yesterday caring for his wife, taking care of his girls and caring for the needs of our church family.  And, to top all of that off he is the cutest thing I have ever seen.  I am so blessed that he is the one I promised "in sickness and in health" to.  Like I said, it was an unashamed love fest....but when your husband is this faithful to his family, that is something to brag a little about!

Leaf collecting and my little perfectionist

One day last week when I picked Kyla up from preschool her teacher told all of the parents that each child had homework for the weekend.  The assignment was to collect leaves and bring them back to the class next time.  This is homework that I was very excited about.  I told Troy about it, and so this past weekend we headed to one of our favorite parks (Happy Hollow, West Lafayette) and decided to get Kyla's homework done.

Here is Kyla with her leaf collecting bag, ready to get started

 And here is just a small look at what the trails at Happy Hollow park look like....so beautiful and so many leaves.

It is funny as your child starts to get older, that you begin to notice parts of their temperament and personality that they were just born with....it is just part of them.  One of those things I am noticing about Kyla is that she is a perfectionist....no doubt about it.  I have always kind of seen this in her, but a couple of weeks ago she was coloring (something she is very into these days) in our front living room while we were in the kitchen and I heard lots of crying and panic....I wondered if something was really wrong.  I went in there to find that all of the commotion was due to the fact that she got outside one of the lines while she was coloring.  Seriously....she takes coloring very seriously and will sit and do it with great precision.  So, in that moment I knew, it just really bothers her when things aren't done just perfectly.

So, fast forward a couple of weeks later and her and I are talking about her homework assignment of leaf collecting.  She began to tell me that she wants to find three red leaves....three because she is 3 and red because it is her favorite color.  I knew at the time she was just talking, but she is very organized and specific in her thinking that way.  Anyway, we got to the park to begin getting the leaves and  found out just how serious she was.  She had that idea in her head and it was really hard for her to let it go.....three red leaves.  We were trying to tell her she could get as many leaves as she wanted....any size or any color.  Not happening.

I was laughing to myself on the inside because I wanted to say, "Oh, Kyla.....honey, do you realize that someday your homework assignments will involve things like figuring out what "x" equals?  And, do you realize that if you are anything like me, you will probably have to have a tutor work with you to help you understand how to even begin to understand how to find what "x" equals?  And, do you also realize that if you are anything like me you will probably come home one day and ask me when you are ever going to use this in your life and I will have to make something up because I will know good and well that you never will use it in your life?  So, right now, let's just enjoy the fact that all your homework entails is finding leaves and putting them in a bag."  However, at the rate we are going, Kyla might just be the one helping her friends figure out what "x" equals. 

Anyway, we all finally accepted the fact that Kyla really did just want three red leaves....she found those and they are tucked safely away in her backpack right now, ready to go to preschool tomorrow.  After we got past that little glitch, we had such a fun time.

Here is my Kyla....a happy girl with her three red leaves.  I love this girl!

And, here is my other girl....Ashlyn checking out the leaves...no discrimination on color at this point

Kyla showing some of the leaves to Ashlyn

After finishing up with the leaves, we moved on to other things.....like,

swinging!

And, when it was all said and done, we had one really tired girl on the way home:

Yes, my oldest is showing some perfectionist tendencies.  And, yes, it will be our job as her parents to encourage her just as she is, but to also make sure that she can enjoy life, even when things aren't perfect or exactly as how she had hoped.....because they certainly won't always be.  I love watching these two little girls we have been given and seeing all of the unique ways God made them.  And, I am sure one day, when Kyla is a mommy and one of her kids gets all out of sorts over these kinds of things, I can tell her the story about her and the three red leaves.  And, I will also most certainly tell her how much I love her and how thankful I am she is my girl.

March of Dimes

Last night Troy and I got all dressed up and headed over to Purdue as guests at the annual March of Dimes benefit dinner.  A few weeks ago we were contacted by the March of Dimes and asked if we would be willing for Ashlyn's story and experience in the NICU to be shared at this years benefit dinner.  We were more than willing and honored to be a part of it. 

Check out my date....I love him.

 At the dinner, it was so great to see some of the nurses that Ashlyn had while in the NICU and be able to talk with some of them and catch up.  It was also great to meet the other families who were there to share their stories and to hear about their babies.  The best part of the night was walking along the ballroom where the buffet lines were and seeing this:

Our girl....and the storyboard that was displayed during the dinner

It was a really special night.  There was a video shown where each family shared their story.  There was a family that had a baby in the NICU for over 100 days and another that had to return to the NICU a second time after their baby took a turn for the worse when they got home.  We shared our story about having a baby with a diagnosis we never expected and the time she was in the NICU, which was very short compared to what other families experienced. 

Last night I was once again reminded of how we were in a place I never would have dreamed we would be.  But, once again reminded of how at home we are there.  My heart was so full of love and joy as I saw Ashlyn's pictures there and as I saw her on that video.  It wasn't what I ever expected, but it fits.  I was so proud to share her with everyone.  At the beginning of all of this, there is no way I thought we would ever be in this place.  But, here we are.  It was such an honor to share Ashlyn's story and to tell what the work and the research of the March of Dimes means to us because of our time in the NICU.  It was such an honor to stand alongside other families who were dealt circumstances and challenges they never expected, but were there because of love for their babies and gratitude for the help they received early on.  Not what I ever expected, but full of more joy than I could have ever dreamed of.

Sister love

I had just finished putting clothes into the dryer and turned the corner to find this:

Kyla reading to Ashlyn from her princess book

 I love seeing them bond.  I love the way I see that Kyla was made to be a big sister.  I love the way that Ashlyn's face lights up when she sees Kyla and that Kyla can make her laugh so much.  I love that Kyla looks at Ashlyn and just sees her sister....no differences, just her "baby sister" as she calls her.  I love the sister relationship that God planned for these two girls

The reading continues.....Ashlyn seems ready to turn the page

 More reading....Kyla is passing down her love for the princesses

 I love, love this.  My two little girls. Sisters.

Now, along with moments of reading together and enjoying themselves, I will hear...."Mommy, Ashlyn is going to tear the pages" or "Mommy, Ashlyn keeps pulling my hair."  All part of the love.  

 This is classic....Ashlyn loves pulling Kyla's hair.  You can see it coming.  She will just look at if for a few seconds and then goes in for the grab.

 Pretty soon the reading was done and the sisters moved on to other things.

 Playing around

 Ashlyn loving being with her sister

 Kyla crawling with Ash....you can see how hard Ashlyn is laughing!

 Moving into the kitchen....the fun continues

I know all about the great blessing of having a sister.  I have one.  Her name is Kara and I adore her.  She has been my best friend since we were little girls.  We laugh together (a lot) and share each others burdens.   We always have.  She is one of the greatest blessings in my life.  And, I was really happy this past weekend because I got to go to Kansas City to visit her.....it is our dream to get to live by each other someday, but for now we take daily phone conversations and every visit we can get.

I am so thankful for the unconditional love of a sister.  I am thankful for that in my life and for how I see it forming between my girls.  Sister love.

Everyday joys....mealtime

One of the craziest times of our days, but also one of the best, is meal times.  For breakfast and lunch it is just the girls and I while daddy is at work.  I love breakfast time because the girls are still in their jammies and it is a brand new day that we are starting together.  We talk about what we are going to do that day or what it looks like outside (sunny, cloudy, rainy.....).  I love breakfast time because it is usually leisurely....the girls aren't at the ages yet where they have to be ready to leave the house at the crack of dawn, which is great for me because me and the early morning aren't the best of friends.  I love two little girls in their jammies just starting out the day together.

When lunch time rolls around things can be a little more hectic because Ashlyn is usually getting tired for a nap and when she gets hungry she is ready to eat immediately.  Usually this is a time where they are both hungry at the same time and when it is all said and done there is food spread all across the counter.  But, I really do love it because the three of us are together.  Kyla is really talkative during this time and there is usually lots of laughter. 

Supper is really great because daddy is home with us.....also very hectic with lots going on, but so, so good. The one thing all of these meals have in common is that they are messy.  A messy kitchen and two messy girls....especially Ashlyn.  She loves to pick up food on her own, which leads to messy hands, a messy face and messy hair from the hands.  The other day it got to the point where I decided just to take her shirt off....it can make things easier.  Here is the result:

There is nothing cuter than a messy baby in a high chair.  And nothing better than sharing meals everyday with the people you love most.

Fall means pumpkin patches....

Fall is my favorite time of the year....I love everything about it.  There are currently pumpkins on our porch, fall decorations inside and pumpkin spice candles that I burn in the evenings.  I love that it is another chance for our family to make memories together and for our girls to begin to enjoy all of the joys of fall in the midwest. This past weekend was one of those times....we went to the pumpkin patch and had such a great time.  It was a perfect fall day.  And, Grandma, Grandpa and Great Grandma were here to go with us so it was even extra special.  Kyla's favorite part was riding on the wagon (she called it a tractor) to go out to the pumpkin field and Ashlyn's favorite part was everything.....seriously, she had a smile on her face almost the whole time.  Here is a glimpse at what prompted all of those smiles:

Kyla is ready to look for some pumpkins

Kyla and Mommy getting ready for a wagon ride (and Great Grandma too!)

 So much happiness for Kyla as we took off on the wagon

 Ashlyn loved it all.....starting with feeling the corn in the corn maze

Getting a ride from Daddy

 Daddy and Ash decided to be sneaky and hide from the rest of us in the corn maze...we found em!

 The four of us

And the joy continues....Ashlyn loved being in this wagon

 Two sisters getting a ride through the pumpkin patch

 "I've got my pumpkin!"

 Little pumpkin by a really big pumpkin

 Kyla with Grandma and Grandpa....getting ready for a second wagon ride

 This picture sums up the whole day for Ashlyn....she loved it!

I know I will love this picture always....my girl exploring her world.

 My big girl having fun on the teeter totter

 Our family

I am continually reminded that there was a time when I thought we would never have these kind of days.  There was a time when I thought our family wouldn't feel "normal" again.  But, when we spend days at the pumpkin patch holding hands, hugging, laughing and loving the fall.....I am again reminded of God's faithfulness and kindness. I remember soon after Ashlyn was born a mother of a two year old little girl with Down Syndrome sent me a message and in it she said, "Our life is so normal, but better."  Yeah, we are starting to get that.   Because even though life and circumstances aren't always perfect.....God's will for us is.  Celebrating that truth and the beautiful fall.....Happy October!