Sweetest syllables I know....

This past Friday morning, a very ordinary morning became extraordinary when I heard two of the sweetest syllables I have ever heard...."mama".  In recent days, I had heard Ashlyn making a "mama" sound for the first time, but it was never directed at me, she was just making the sound.  And, just that was something to celebrate because it was a new sound she was making.  I am learning much more about speech development than I ever thought I would know.  I have learned that kids often say "dada" first because it is an easier sound for the mouth to make and that "mama" is harder because it involves bringing your lips together and that can be made even more difficult for a child with lower muscle tone, like our Ashlyn. 

Ashlyn has been saying "dada" for quite a while and it is very clear that it is directed at her daddy and usually with a big smile on her face.  I knew it would take longer for me to hear those sweet syllables.  Well, on Friday morning, Ashlyn was having an occupational therapy session and she put down a toy, started crawling toward me and when she reached me she said, "ma ma ma".  It took me by such surprise.....I scooped her up and hugged her and checked to see if everyone around me heard the same thing.  I looked up at Troy and he was smiling at me and we both knew what we heard.  Ashlyn's sweet therapist, Ann, heard it too and we all knew it was directed at me.  She knew who I was.....she was saying my name.  She knows I am her mama. 

The irony of it all is that in the very early and very dark days for me after Ashlyn's birth, I really didn't know if I could be Ashlyn's mama.  I didn't think I could be the mama she needed.....I wasn't sure if my heart would feel all of the mama things it was supposed to feel.  I have known for months that Ashlyn knew I was her mommy, mostly because she went through a recent phase where if she was upset I was the only one she would be calm with.  When I would take her in my arms, it would be immediate peace for her.  That is a really good feeling.  And now a feeling just as good as that....to hear her say it.  For her to tell me that she knows I am her mama.

I think the best feeling of all is how very far we have come.  Isn't it strange how something can start off feeling like you will never be able to do it and then turns in to the most natural thing you can imagine?  That is nothing short of a miracle.  That is God's grace.  That is beauty for ashes.  Ashlyn and I belong to each other....God made me to be her mama and He made her to be my daughter.

I can think of no greater joy than to be called mama by both of my girls.  And the most "beauty for ashes" part of being called mama by Ashlyn is that every time I hear her say it, I will be reminded of the early days of me crying in a hospital room holding my newborn baby wondering if we would ever share a bond..... if I could really be the mama she needed?  That question was very much answered the other morning.  I am Ashlyn Ruby's mama and she knows it.  There are some things you never get tired of hearing....for me, hearing my girls call me "mama" is one of those things.  "Mama"....two of the sweetest syllables I know.