On a typical weekday around 5:30 p.m. you will find our house in a bit of a frantic state. Usually by this time I am trying to wrap everything up for supper and Kyla and Ashlyn are usually breaking down a little bit. We are all anxiously awaiting the sweetest sound we know....the garage door opening and Daddy's car pulling in. And, often during this time of waiting and craziness I find the best thing to do is just turn on some music.....it calms the house for a little bit. Ashlyn loves hearing music and Kyla loves getting on a tutu and dancing to it.
Without a doubt, this is my favorite time of the day. As crazy as it can be, I love dinner on the stove, my two girls and Daddy walking in the door. A couple of weeks ago Troy got a birthday card from his uncle, whose children are all mostly grown now. In the card he told Troy to enjoy these years and that he remembers what it feels like to come home at the end of the day and be everybody's hero. Here is what it looks like when our hero gets home:
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Pain mixed with peace
I have had to go back and read some of my older blog posts lately to remind myself of some things. I just read a post where I wrote what I was feeling when Ashlyn wasn't crawling yet, because in recent days the reality of her not walking yet has hit me. I feel it when I am carrying her around and I feel how heavy she is getting. I felt it when we were recently with a family (dear friends of ours) who has a 14 month old little girl and she was walking all over the place. It really is okay and I really am okay, there are just moments where the word "disability" comes into my head. I don't really ever think about the fact that Ashlyn is considered someone with a disability, because to us she has become just Ashlyn and she isn't defined in that way. But, when the the delays are more obvious, as they are right now, I feel it.
I knew I had been feeling it more as Ashlyn gets heavier and taller. I have been feeling it as I see the days on the calendar pass and know that in just a few days she will be 22 months old, which is really close to two years old. The other night as I got into bed, I felt the tears hitting my pillow. And in that instant I felt the arms of my husband around me, as they have been every time the tears come. And, all I could say was, "It hurts. It hurts to see it." And, the thing is, it does hurt. When the delays get more and more obvious, it hurts. But, even as I laid in bed and cried, underneath the hurt, there was peace. Peace because I know she will walk. Peace because I know she is so loved and perfectly created by God. I am learning that peace and pain can definitely exist at the same time.....and that together they equal beautiful. There is beauty when the tears come and I feel heaviness on my chest.....moments when I find myself having to still accept all of this at times. Moments when the weight of her future feels so heavy to me. The beauty comes when all of those things are happening, the tears are falling and at the same time there is peace.
Shortly after Ashlyn was born, I became connected with another mom who had a two year old little girl with Down Syndrome and she said to me that at that point in her journey the best way to describe things was, "....it is at times a lot of crying and then moving on." But, seriously, doesn't that describe life for most of us? Crying and moving on. Who of us doesn't have something, some amount of pain that just makes us cry? The "moving on" part is where I think God comes in. I know for me personally there would be little moving on without the peace of God in my life.
There are days when the tears come. There are days when I wonder if I have enough endurance. There are days when the delays seem to be so obvious and I feel discouraged. But, there is peace. I just finished reading a book with this really great quote that says, "Love of God is pure when joy and suffering inspire an equal degree of gratitude." Whoa. That is hard. Some days it is harder than others. But, I am finding a place where I am grateful for the pain because of the beauty it produces. Pain mixed with peace equals beauty.
I knew I had been feeling it more as Ashlyn gets heavier and taller. I have been feeling it as I see the days on the calendar pass and know that in just a few days she will be 22 months old, which is really close to two years old. The other night as I got into bed, I felt the tears hitting my pillow. And in that instant I felt the arms of my husband around me, as they have been every time the tears come. And, all I could say was, "It hurts. It hurts to see it." And, the thing is, it does hurt. When the delays get more and more obvious, it hurts. But, even as I laid in bed and cried, underneath the hurt, there was peace. Peace because I know she will walk. Peace because I know she is so loved and perfectly created by God. I am learning that peace and pain can definitely exist at the same time.....and that together they equal beautiful. There is beauty when the tears come and I feel heaviness on my chest.....moments when I find myself having to still accept all of this at times. Moments when the weight of her future feels so heavy to me. The beauty comes when all of those things are happening, the tears are falling and at the same time there is peace.
Shortly after Ashlyn was born, I became connected with another mom who had a two year old little girl with Down Syndrome and she said to me that at that point in her journey the best way to describe things was, "....it is at times a lot of crying and then moving on." But, seriously, doesn't that describe life for most of us? Crying and moving on. Who of us doesn't have something, some amount of pain that just makes us cry? The "moving on" part is where I think God comes in. I know for me personally there would be little moving on without the peace of God in my life.
There are days when the tears come. There are days when I wonder if I have enough endurance. There are days when the delays seem to be so obvious and I feel discouraged. But, there is peace. I just finished reading a book with this really great quote that says, "Love of God is pure when joy and suffering inspire an equal degree of gratitude." Whoa. That is hard. Some days it is harder than others. But, I am finding a place where I am grateful for the pain because of the beauty it produces. Pain mixed with peace equals beauty.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Celebrations
We have been doing a lot of celebrating around here lately. I love birthdays and I love celebrating them....especially for the people I love the most. So, my heart has been full of birthday joy since Troy and Kyla's birthdays are just two days apart. Kyla got to take cupcakes to share with her preschool class this past week for her birthday and when I picked her up that day she was wearing this....and continued to wear it around the house most of the day. :)
Now, we all know that a 4 year old birthday gets more fussed over than a 32 year old birthday, but we really, really love our daddy and so we did all we could to make his day special. So, we made him cupcakes and decorated them as a surprise for him. We met him for a special birthday lunch in the middle of a very busy Wednesday for all of us. And, that night at around 9:00 p.m. after we were home and settled from our Wed. night activities, Troy and I sat at the kitchen table eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we talked and laughed. We discussed how different our lives are at 32 (30 for me, I am the youngster in this marriage :) ) versus 23, but how much more we love it now. It was simple, but it was still celebration.
Then the celebration continued as we had Kyla's official birthday party on Saturday. She got to share it with all of her grandma and grandpa's and her Aunt Heidi. We decided to have a snowflake themed party since she is a January birthday and shares my love for snow. It looked a little like this:
Kyla had such a great time at her party....took her time opening each gift, said thank you to everyone and loved everything she got.
And, no birthday celebration would be complete without a cake.
There is no greater blessing in my life than our family. Last night after all of the birthday festivities were over and it was just Troy and I, we were talking and praying about some things together and thanking God for the family He has given us. It is really easy to celebrate birthdays when they are for the people you love the most.
Now, we all know that a 4 year old birthday gets more fussed over than a 32 year old birthday, but we really, really love our daddy and so we did all we could to make his day special. So, we made him cupcakes and decorated them as a surprise for him. We met him for a special birthday lunch in the middle of a very busy Wednesday for all of us. And, that night at around 9:00 p.m. after we were home and settled from our Wed. night activities, Troy and I sat at the kitchen table eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we talked and laughed. We discussed how different our lives are at 32 (30 for me, I am the youngster in this marriage :) ) versus 23, but how much more we love it now. It was simple, but it was still celebration.
Here is Kyla with our birthday cupcakes for daddy
Then the celebration continued as we had Kyla's official birthday party on Saturday. She got to share it with all of her grandma and grandpa's and her Aunt Heidi. We decided to have a snowflake themed party since she is a January birthday and shares my love for snow. It looked a little like this:
Snowflake cake
Kyla helping put up the snowflake decorations, which were so easy to find on clearance this time of the year
Snowflakes everywhere!
Kyla had such a great time at her party....took her time opening each gift, said thank you to everyone and loved everything she got.
Birthday girl with all of her gifts
Ashlyn had a great time at the party too! She was happy the whole time and is turning into quite the people person!
And showed off her walking skills with her lion push toy
And, no birthday celebration would be complete without a cake.
The look on her face while we were singing "Happy Birthday" to her
Blowing out the candles, from afar....still doesn't like them too close
There is no greater blessing in my life than our family. Last night after all of the birthday festivities were over and it was just Troy and I, we were talking and praying about some things together and thanking God for the family He has given us. It is really easy to celebrate birthdays when they are for the people you love the most.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Four years old
Four years ago today I became a mommy and my heart has never been the same. The love is so deep it is scary sometimes, in a really great way. Today as we celebrated Kyla's birthday, all through the day I would be remembering all that happened four years ago on this day. As any mom knows, there are details of that day you will never forget and that day....the day I become a mommy....will be in my heart always. When she turns 5, 25, and 45, I will hold in my heart all of it. No matter how old she gets, I will always know this....
The tears are on my face as I write this and after seeing the picture above. That picture was taken just hours after Kyla was born. Oh, the love.....there are no words. And, I think the reason that moms can be such emotional basket cases is because we know that day....the day they entered our world and showed us this love and it just keeps growing and getting stronger year after year.
The joy of Kyla Elise in our lives is one of the greatest gifts I will ever be given. There is no way to describe my love for her. We are so blessed to call her our daughter....we told her that a lot today. And we celebrated by spending the day in Indy as a family with a trip to Build a Bear for Kyla and time together as a family.
I heard a quote once that my friend Phyllis reminded me of recently. I don't know it word for word but it basically says that having a child is like walking around with your heart outside of your body. It is so true. These girls of mine are my heart walking around outside of me. I am so thankful for receiving the gift of that kind of love four years ago today. I am so thankful for the little girl that was placed in my arms four years ago today. Happy birthday to my sweet Kyla Elise.
The tears are on my face as I write this and after seeing the picture above. That picture was taken just hours after Kyla was born. Oh, the love.....there are no words. And, I think the reason that moms can be such emotional basket cases is because we know that day....the day they entered our world and showed us this love and it just keeps growing and getting stronger year after year.
Kyla on her first birthday
On her second birthday
On her third birthday
And, here she is yesterday....the day before she turned four.
The joy of Kyla Elise in our lives is one of the greatest gifts I will ever be given. There is no way to describe my love for her. We are so blessed to call her our daughter....we told her that a lot today. And we celebrated by spending the day in Indy as a family with a trip to Build a Bear for Kyla and time together as a family.
Waking up as a four year old and finding some balloons
Picking out a heart for her bear at Build a Bear
My sweet girl with her new bear
Me with the girl who made me a mommy
Ashlyn having a blast in the play area at the mall
The birthday girl loved it too
Sisters
A worn out birthday girl taking a nap with her new bear on the trip home
Rested and ready to open birthday cards
Proudly displaying all of them
Sisters holding hands at Kyla's birthday dinner. This four year old has a heart full of love for her little sister.
I heard a quote once that my friend Phyllis reminded me of recently. I don't know it word for word but it basically says that having a child is like walking around with your heart outside of your body. It is so true. These girls of mine are my heart walking around outside of me. I am so thankful for receiving the gift of that kind of love four years ago today. I am so thankful for the little girl that was placed in my arms four years ago today. Happy birthday to my sweet Kyla Elise.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Organization, mixed emotions and new things
I wish I could say I was the type of person who loves organizational projects. I am just not. However, I really do like the feeling of things being organized, so it must be done. Much of this past week was spent organizing Kyla and Ashlyn's closets.....taking out the clothes that don't fit anymore to make room for the new ones. In Ashlyn's case, it means taking out the clothes that are now too small for her and putting them away and replacing them with hand me downs from Kyla that are now ready for Ashlyn.
I have gone through this process before and every time it brings out emotions. This week as soon as I opened the bin of clothes marked 24 months, I felt the tears in my eyes. Seeing the clothes I remember Kyla wearing and all of the memories that go with them. But I knew what the tears were about....remembering where Kyla was at that time and knowing where Ashlyn is now. The reality of two different versions of 24 months. As times passes, though, it is getting easier to just let it be.....different journeys, but the same love and joy. As I was sitting there looking at the clothes, knowing that my emotions and worries could take over, I knew I had to bottom line things. In the middle of the moments of heartache, that is where I have to go....the bottom line. And the bottom line is that I know God is Sovereign, I know God is good and whatever He allows, I can be sure He has a purpose for. So, put the clothes away, get ready to make some new 24 month memories and get on with living because the bottom line never changes.
And, even though Ashlyn may do things at a different pace, her pace keeps her doing new things all the time. We see her making great strides all the time. One of her new things that I am most excited about.....she is taking an interest in playing with baby dolls. It is the cutest thing and I love seeing her little imagination starting to go to work.
Another new thing.....Ashlyn can crawl all the way up our stairs....from bottom to top all by herself. For months, her physical therapist had been working with her and it started off as such a fight with our therapist having to do most of the work for her. Not anymore....all of a sudden, Ashlyn got it...and she loves it!
And, she can now stand all by herself for seconds at a time....we clap and clap every time she does it and once she plops down, she will smile and clap. We love it. I was able to get a quick picture.....you can see the concentration on her sweet little face.
The other thing that Ashlyn is up to, but that isn't a new thing at all.....being a daddy's girl. Her face lights up like nothing else when her daddy walks in the door. Lately she has been crawling over to where Troy walks in from work and says his name while she waits for him to walk in. It is serious love.
Thankful for organized closets, new things and most of all, the bottom line.
I have gone through this process before and every time it brings out emotions. This week as soon as I opened the bin of clothes marked 24 months, I felt the tears in my eyes. Seeing the clothes I remember Kyla wearing and all of the memories that go with them. But I knew what the tears were about....remembering where Kyla was at that time and knowing where Ashlyn is now. The reality of two different versions of 24 months. As times passes, though, it is getting easier to just let it be.....different journeys, but the same love and joy. As I was sitting there looking at the clothes, knowing that my emotions and worries could take over, I knew I had to bottom line things. In the middle of the moments of heartache, that is where I have to go....the bottom line. And the bottom line is that I know God is Sovereign, I know God is good and whatever He allows, I can be sure He has a purpose for. So, put the clothes away, get ready to make some new 24 month memories and get on with living because the bottom line never changes.
And, even though Ashlyn may do things at a different pace, her pace keeps her doing new things all the time. We see her making great strides all the time. One of her new things that I am most excited about.....she is taking an interest in playing with baby dolls. It is the cutest thing and I love seeing her little imagination starting to go to work.
Ashlyn and one of the many babies that live at our house
Time for a bottle
Baby needs a hug
And, oh, how I love this....sisters playing babies together!! Sometimes Ashlyn's interest lasts for only about a minute, but I love every second of it.
Another new thing.....Ashlyn can crawl all the way up our stairs....from bottom to top all by herself. For months, her physical therapist had been working with her and it started off as such a fight with our therapist having to do most of the work for her. Not anymore....all of a sudden, Ashlyn got it...and she loves it!
And, she can now stand all by herself for seconds at a time....we clap and clap every time she does it and once she plops down, she will smile and clap. We love it. I was able to get a quick picture.....you can see the concentration on her sweet little face.
The other thing that Ashlyn is up to, but that isn't a new thing at all.....being a daddy's girl. Her face lights up like nothing else when her daddy walks in the door. Lately she has been crawling over to where Troy walks in from work and says his name while she waits for him to walk in. It is serious love.
Hanging on to daddy while he eats supper....so happy he is home
Listening to daddy read a story....arm around his neck, a very happy girl
Thankful for organized closets, new things and most of all, the bottom line.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Ashlyn is excited for 2011
When Ashlyn is really excited, you know it. It will start with a huge smile and then move into leg kicking and letting out loud noises of sheer happiness. She also adds in something we refer to as her "pilates move". She gets her legs up barely off the ground and just holds them there. You would think by now she would have a really flat stomach, but oddly enough she doesn't. :)
It can be any number of things that can cause this reaction in her, but it most often happens when her big sister is around or when all of us are together being silly. I love it because I really think it is her way of expressing, "I really love you guys....you make me laugh and I am happy around you....I just don't know how to tell you that yet." As far as I am concerned, this gets the message across loud and clear! Here she is sharing her excitement....this was right before New Years and I think she is trying to let us know she is excited about a new year (really, I think she was just happy because her big sister was making her laugh!). If you need a little happiness in your day, here you go.....
It can be any number of things that can cause this reaction in her, but it most often happens when her big sister is around or when all of us are together being silly. I love it because I really think it is her way of expressing, "I really love you guys....you make me laugh and I am happy around you....I just don't know how to tell you that yet." As far as I am concerned, this gets the message across loud and clear! Here she is sharing her excitement....this was right before New Years and I think she is trying to let us know she is excited about a new year (really, I think she was just happy because her big sister was making her laugh!). If you need a little happiness in your day, here you go.....
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Decorations coming down, new year coming up
We are home from our Christmas travels and getting ready for a brand new year. The Christmas decorations are almost all put away and the 2011 calendar is up. But, before we totally close the book on this Christmas season, I am taking a look back at all of the memories we will take with us into the new year. Over the past couple of weeks we have.....
We are home and ready for a new year and all of the love it will hold. These days you can find us at Home Depot buying organizational bins and shelves for our closets (new year...more organized closets) or soon you will find me at the gym on a treadmill running like someone is chasing me while I think of all of the cookies and sweets I have been eating (run, Shari, run)! And, you will definitely find me thanking God for a new year for our family to share.
I have no idea what the year ahead will hold, but I do know the faithful God who holds each moment in His hands and the family I get to share it all with, which is way I can say with joy....welcome, 2011.
made a birthday cake for Jesus
watched the snow fall on Christmas Eve
gotten really excited after the Christmas eve service at church, when we found out we got to open one gift
and what did we get??????
Christmas jammies for Kyla
and for Ashlyn
cuddled up and happy in our Christmas jammies
we left cookies for Santa
and woke up on Christmas morning to this:
and to this:
we were so happy when we came down the stairs on Christmas morning and saw what was under the tree
we opened presents
and had fun with the wrapping paper
we have been really happy, because we went to both of our Grandma and Grandpa's houses
and got to open more presents
lots of presents
we sang lots of songs with Grandma H.
had lots of fun with Grandpa S.
and dressed up like a princess with Grandma S.
looked at more presents
and made lots of memories
We are home and ready for a new year and all of the love it will hold. These days you can find us at Home Depot buying organizational bins and shelves for our closets (new year...more organized closets) or soon you will find me at the gym on a treadmill running like someone is chasing me while I think of all of the cookies and sweets I have been eating (run, Shari, run)! And, you will definitely find me thanking God for a new year for our family to share.
I have no idea what the year ahead will hold, but I do know the faithful God who holds each moment in His hands and the family I get to share it all with, which is way I can say with joy....welcome, 2011.
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