Ashlyn Ruby - 18 months and going strong

Ashlyn turned 18 months last week.  For some reason this has been significant for me for a lot of reasons.  I think one reason is that I can clearly remember doctors telling us at the beginning that most Down Syndrome kids walk late and that if she wasn't walking by 18 months she would be considered a "late walker."  I remember that when we first heard things like this it would send me into sadness and worry for how we would get through it.  I would have visions of carrying around a large toddler that couldn't walk.  It would also cause me to start dreaming about how maybe with Ashlyn things would be different and she would walk by 18 months and she wouldn't have to be in the "late walker" category.  Well, guess what?  She is 18 months and she can't walk yet.  But, guess what else?  We are happy.  We are joyful.  We are proud of her.  Our life isn't horrible.  We don't feel sad all of the time.  We don't dwell on it. 

So much has changed in my heart in 18 months.  I remember early on, people would tell me that over time we would just see Ashlyn and all of the milestones would not be such an issue.  That we would be so proud of each new thing she did.  And it is so true.  If I was talking to a mom who had just had a baby with Down Syndrome, I would tell her just that. 

Other things have been happening lately that have caused me to notice all that has changed in us.  The other day at Meijer, I had  Kyla and Ashlyn with me and as we were walking out the door a woman stopped me and said, "Oh, my nephew has Down Syndrome.  We love him so much.  Your daughter is such a cutie."  Now, awhile back it would have bothered me that someone could tell that my child had Down Syndrome....it would have made me feel weird.  Well, in that moment, those feelings weren't there.  I am well aware that people will see Ashlyn and notice she has Down Syndrome and I am so proud of her that it makes me happy to stop and talk with someone and share with them about her.  Seriously, there have been moments along the way where that would have sent me home in tears.  And I know that is part of the normal grieving and acceptance process.  But, wow, to notice the difference in myself is really big.

I noticed this difference the other day when Troy and I were talking.  We were talking about an older man we know who is in his retirement years and how much we respect him.  He is a great, Christian man who spends his retirement years serving others and who loves his wife and family.  You can tell those things when you talk to him.  Troy and I were talking about how we dream of those things for ourselves years down the road when we are in that place.  And, we were talking about how if Ashlyn still lives with us or spends a lot of time with us or depends on us a lot that we will be okay.  That we would be so glad to spend those years of our lives loving each other and others and to have Ashlyn with us along the way.  Now, to be honest, I know of so many people with Down Syndrome that are independent enough to live on their own and have jobs and believe me, that is our hope and prayer for Ashlyn.  We are working even now to help make those things possible for her and we believe that they can.  But, for Troy and I to be able to say those things and mean them is a big change.  We have gone from worry about what it could look like to anticipation of how great it could be.  We fully know that is God at work in us. 

Now, to be even more honest, I would be a big liar if I said there weren't still things that make my heart ache from time to time.  We are currently in a time where the delays that come along with Down Syndrome are becoming more apparent.  I see this when babies who were born months after Ashlyn are now surpassing her.  Yes, at times, that hurts.  It hurts when I see Ashlyn work so hard week after week in therapy just to take a few steps along the couch and then see babies who just turned one walking.  But, the most amazing part is that 18 months into it, I can recognize the hurt early on, let myself feel it and say, "Thank you, God, for your gift of Ashlyn to us and for all she is teaching us.  We are better off because of her, we know that.  Thank you for Ashlyn."  I am learning how much a thankful heart can do for a person.  The hurt is real, but the God we serve is way bigger.  The past 18 months are proof of that.  We are now in a place where instead of dwelling on what Ashlyn can't do yet (because she will do it) at 18 months, we can celebrate all she can do.  Here is a look at one really awesome 18 month old little girl and all that she is up to.  At 18 months Ashlyn Ruby:

.......can pull herself up on furniture and toys and cruise (the length she can cruise continues to get longer)

....... likes to play with things like blocks and likes to put them in and out of things

 .......can look as cute as can be with a ponytail

.... thinks bath time is really fun.  She went through a period where she didn't love it so much, but the love seems to be back.

 ........loves to play with her big sister.  Even under the dining room table!

 .......loves to be where people are!  Which includes following you into the bathroom so she can see you.  At our house now, when Kyla is using the potty we hear Ashlyn following us in and then as soon as Kyla is done we close the lid as fast as we can because Ashlyn can't wait to pull up on it.  :)

 ........gets her first haircut.

 .........you can tell from this picture that it wasn't her favorite experience.  But, I also needed you to know that at 18 months, Ashlyn still really likes to be comforted by her mama. :)

 .........is doing great in all of her therapies.  Here she is working on walking with her PT.  She does great in OT and really loves speech.  She is learning many signs and is starting to say a few words.

.........is getting curious.  Here she is after opening the drawer where Kyla keeps her princesses.  She is thinking about which one she wants to grab first.....before big sister sees what she is up to. 

 ..........is getting more interested in books.  Here she is reading with mommy and she is locked in!

 So much has changed in 18 months and most of it has been in our hearts.  I think that is the best kind of change there is.....that is the change that counts.  One thing that will not change is the deep love our family has for each other, the love we have for our Ashlyn Ruby and the deep gratitude we have for the unending faithfulness of God.  At 18 months, the one thing we really love to see and get to see a lot of, is this:

 ........a little girl whose smile goes all the way to your heart every time.

18 months and going strong.