Less like haunted, more like remember

This Monday I have been thinking about what a great weekend we just finished and what a special one is to come next.  Our Easter weekend was very special.  It all started with a very meaningful Good Friday service at our church and finished with a celebration on Sunday morning, knowing that our God overcame death so that we could have eternal life in Him.  I am so grateful.  Along with that were lots of other things that made my heart so happy this weekend.....

Kyla helping Daddy out in the yard

Ashlyn loving it outside

She was such a happy girl out in the fresh air

Kyla with some of the jelly beans that she ate lots of

Kyla loving it outside too.....taking a cruise on her Barbie jeep

 Ready for church in their Easter dresses

 Trying out a standing pose.....

 Me and Kyla in our Easter best

Hunting for eggs

 We were especially blessed this year because my Uncle Mark, Aunt Tammy and cousins, Scott and Matt were able to be with us for Easter.  We loved having them here and had such a great time.  I am so thankful for the family God has given me.  And, Kyla was thrilled that her cousins were here and thought they were really fun.

 Ashlyn cuddling with her Great Uncle Mark and Aunt Tammy

Kyla and Ashlyn with their second cousins, Scott and Matt

 This past special weekend is going to be followed up by another really special one this coming weekend when Ashlyn turns two.  I can't believe it. This birthday feels vastly different for me than her first one.  That first birthday was hard and emotional in a lot of ways.....the first time April 30 came around again and reliving all that happened that day.  At the same time, it was such a celebration because of how much we love Ashlyn and for all the countless ways God led us through that first year.

There has been emotions leading up to this second birthday.  I have had my moments and I have had tears.  The mixture of Ashlyn not walking yet and also remembering all that Kyla was doing when she turned two have caused those emotions to come to the surface.  But that is what they have been....just moments.  

Still just saying the words, April 30th causes so many emotions in me.  I will forever remember the smell of the hospital, the doctor saying the words Down Syndrome, seeing my baby with tubes everywhere, hearing words and having conversations I never thought I would, crying so much I thought I would run out of tears  and a million other things.  In the days leading up to her first birthday it was so hard to have that day come around again for the first time.  It feels different this year.  There is a song by Sara Groves called, "Less Like Scars" and she beautifully describes the ways God takes pain and turns it into beauty.  One of the phrases I love from that song says that in God's hands it is, "less like haunted, more like remember." 

That is how I feel.....on her first birthday I still felt haunted by all that took place on that day.  This year, it is more like I remember.  Only God can do that.  Take haunted and turn it into remember.  So, on April 30 we will remember all the things that happened that day and all the tears we cried and all the ways we thought we couldn't do it.  And we will remember those things because they happened and they are real, but they don't haunt us because God isn't the author of haunting, He is the author of healing.  And that is exactly what He continues to do in our hearts.

More than anything on April 30, we are going to celebrate the life of a blessing bigger than we could have ever dreamed for ourselves.  Because when this is in your life, how can you not celebrate?