Every afternoon at our house their is a brief time where both Kyla and Ashlyn are in their rooms napping. Ashlyn naps every afternoon and Kyla has a "rest" time....every once in awhile she will still sleep, but usually she is looking at books or talking to the pretend guests that are present in her room at the time. When that time is over, Kyla can't wait to see Ashlyn and wants to be the one to open the door to her room and be the first to greet her. It is so fun.....the sisters love to see each other again! And, I love seeing them see each other again. It is a little piece of joy tucked into an average afternoon filled with laundry, cleaning and dinner prep. Here is a little piece of the joy....it can even make a Monday happy.
Happy Monday!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
A little Louisville
We have been a busy little family lately. Part of our busyness included a quick trip down to Louisville, KY this past week. Troy had a conference to attend there and since it is only 2 1/2 hours away, we decided to all make the trip together. The conference was for pastors and was put on by the Church of the Nazarene, which is the denomination we serve in. One of my favorite parts of being in the Church of the Nazarene is all of the connections that are made over the years. I grew up in the Nazarene church and can remember as a kid and teenager if we were ever at a denominational event, my parents would run into lots of people they knew. They would tell my sister and I all about so and so who they knew from college or from a certain church they attended at one point it time. Well, our daughters are going to experience that for years to come. Troy and I had the best time catching up with many old friends from over the years and from across the country.....friends from college days, seminary days, Indianapolis days and today....all who are serving in the Church of the Nazarene.
Right before we left for Louisville, I started to have second thoughts. I was having some serious worries on how I was going to entertain two little girls while Daddy was in meetings most of the time. Well, we did it and had a ton of fun. We passed our time by.....
I am really glad I got over my last minute worries and decided to go. I am thankful for time away together for our family. Thankful for really rich friendships, relationships and mentors that God has blessed us with over the years. Thankful that we got to see some of those people, hug them and catch up. Thankful that we get to serve in this denomination with some really great people. And, thankful for memories made in a quick two day trip down to Kentucky.
Right before we left for Louisville, I started to have second thoughts. I was having some serious worries on how I was going to entertain two little girls while Daddy was in meetings most of the time. Well, we did it and had a ton of fun. We passed our time by.....
Getting in the stroller and exploring the hotel to see what we could find
Hanging out in the third floor cafe where we ate yummy chocolate chip cookies and had lots of fun crawling and running around
Catching up with friends. Here I am with my sweet friend from college and fellow pastor's wife, Ashley. Thanks to Ashley, her kids and her mom, Denise ("Bimba") our days were made very fun!
Kyla made some new friends.....here she is hanging out in the hallway with Anna and Grey. It was the perfect place for them to run and laugh.
Kyla and Anna worshiping God through a little dancing during the worship segment of one of the services
We walked through an exhibit area where books and other pastor type stuff was being sold and found a booth set up by Nazarene Theological Seminary and found this sweet little picture from the year Daddy graduated.....see if you can find my handsome man (hint: second row all the way to the right).
We got cozy on our big hotel beds
And when it was all done, we were really tired!
I am really glad I got over my last minute worries and decided to go. I am thankful for time away together for our family. Thankful for really rich friendships, relationships and mentors that God has blessed us with over the years. Thankful that we got to see some of those people, hug them and catch up. Thankful that we get to serve in this denomination with some really great people. And, thankful for memories made in a quick two day trip down to Kentucky.
Friday, February 18, 2011
What if ?
I am currently part of a study on the book of Esther with a group of women at our church. I am learning so much. It is amazing how much your life and heart can change when you intentionally study the word of God.
Just this past week as part of the study we were asked to think about the "what if's" in our lives that cause us to be caught in a grip of fear. The things that we fear above all else. What we would consider our worst nightmares. The kind of things that would cause us to say, "If that happened to me, I don't think I could make it." We all have them. If you were to ask me what my greatest fear is, I would say it is that someone I love would die (most specifically my husband or children). It is really hard to even type the words, I am just being honest. It is not something I think about very regularly (thank goodness) but it is one of those things that creeps in my mind sometimes and as the fear increases, God decreases.
All of this got me to remembering a dream I had when I was about five months pregnant with Ashlyn. At the time, I only told Troy and my family about it. At this point in my pregnancy everything was going great and there were no causes for concern at all. I woke up one morning very early after dreaming with tears coming down my face. Once I was awake enough, I realized that I had been dreaming that our baby was born with something wrong with her. The tears kept coming and I was really bothered by it. The dream was vivid enough that I could feel the emotions. Troy leaves our house really early in the morning and wasn't in bed anymore so I called his cell phone. He happened to still be downstairs in our house when I called and came to our room when he realized I was crying. Through tears I told him all about the dream I had just had. I told him how in the dream a doctor told me that something was wrong with our baby. I also told him that my mom was in the dream and that she and I were walking down a hallway together in a hospital going to see the baby and that my mom told me that the baby's face looked different. Soon after that I woke up. I very much remember saying to Troy that early morning, "What if something is wrong with our baby?" I also remember saying something like, "If there was something wrong with our baby, what would we do? How would we handle it?" Even as I am typing this, it weirds me out that I had that dream because of all that took place months after it.
Months later when our Ashlyn was put into my arms and a doctor really did say to me, "We believe your daughter may have Down Syndrome," I didn't remember the dream at first. A few days later while we were still in the hospital, I did. I reminded Troy about the dream. I remember reminding my parents and my sister about the dream. I really don't place much stock in dreams. I don't try to interpret them or give them meanings. I am sure almost every pregnant woman has dreams of some sort about her baby while she is pregnant. I don't think the dream really meant anything except to cause me to remember that when I was carrying Ashlyn, before I ever knew her sweet little body carried an extra chromosome, I had asked the question, "What if.....?"
The author of the study on Esther (Beth Moore....love her!) talks about how most of our "what if" questions lead us to a conditional faith. A faith that trusts God simply not to allow the things that we fear the most to ever happen to us. We simply trust God just to not let it happen. But, what happens when it does? Where is our faith then? The truth is that most of the things that we fear the most often don't ever even happen anyway. But we consume ourselves with fear worrying over what might happen and the fear can overtake us. Fear increases, God decreases.
Beth Moore says in this study, "Our conditional trust not only makes us an open target for torment; it also positions us as negotiators and beggars before God instead of secure children who trust their lives to their faithful Father. The most critical breakthrough of faith you and I could ever experience is to let God bring us to a place where we trust Him - period. We don't just trust Him to let us avoid what we fear most. We determine to trust Him no matter what, even if our worst nightmare befalls us. Our only steadfast defenses against life's certain uncertainty is unconditional trust in a Savior who loves us more than His own life.
As part of this study, we were encouraged to fill in the blanks of, "If .............., then............. Basically, we were supposed to say if my worst fear came true, then this is what would happen, with the prayer and hope that we could get to the place that says, "If my worst fear came true, then I know God will take care of me no matter what."
There is a section in the study where we are encouraged to fill in our worst fear and followed by that are words of truth of God's promises to us. For me, they would have gone like this if fear hadn't had a grip on me after my dream while pregnant with Ashlyn when I was asking the question of "what if ?"......
"If my baby is born with Down Syndrome, then God will take care of me."
"If my baby is born with Down Syndrome, then God has a plan."
"If my baby is born with Down Syndrome, then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me."
"If my baby is born with Down Syndrome, then God's going to demonstrate His sufficiency to me."
There is freedom in those words. There is also complete truth in those words after having lived through a "what if" and witnessed all of them being true. I keep experiencing them being true. The other huge lesson I learned from my "what if something is wrong with our baby" fear is that what I thought would be a huge nightmare was actually God giving me one of the biggest blessings I have ever known. Without a doubt, Ashlyn is a blessing, not the tragedy I thought was given to us in the days after her birth. Sometimes what we perceive to be nightmares are really God giving us blessings we never could have dreamed for ourselves.
I still have fears. I still have "what if's". I live in the real world and know that sometimes things happen that truly are tragedies. I know people who are carrying loads right now that they think will kill them. And, I know that fear can consume us over the worry of what could happen to the point that we aren't truly living anyway. Abundant life is gone.....choked by worry. I have a ways to go in this. I am praying that I would have unconditional faith. I am praying that I could truly say, "If my worst fear came true, then God." Nothing else. Try it.....whatever causes your mind to go to places of worry and anxiety over how you would make it through your worst fears....tell yourself this:
"If your worst fear came true, then God would take care of you."
"If your worst fear came true, then God has a plan."
"If your worst fear came true, then God desires to accomplish something monumental in you."
"If your worst fear came true, then God's going to demonstrate His sufficiency to you."
Not easy, but freedom. "What if ?........, then God." Period.
Just this past week as part of the study we were asked to think about the "what if's" in our lives that cause us to be caught in a grip of fear. The things that we fear above all else. What we would consider our worst nightmares. The kind of things that would cause us to say, "If that happened to me, I don't think I could make it." We all have them. If you were to ask me what my greatest fear is, I would say it is that someone I love would die (most specifically my husband or children). It is really hard to even type the words, I am just being honest. It is not something I think about very regularly (thank goodness) but it is one of those things that creeps in my mind sometimes and as the fear increases, God decreases.
All of this got me to remembering a dream I had when I was about five months pregnant with Ashlyn. At the time, I only told Troy and my family about it. At this point in my pregnancy everything was going great and there were no causes for concern at all. I woke up one morning very early after dreaming with tears coming down my face. Once I was awake enough, I realized that I had been dreaming that our baby was born with something wrong with her. The tears kept coming and I was really bothered by it. The dream was vivid enough that I could feel the emotions. Troy leaves our house really early in the morning and wasn't in bed anymore so I called his cell phone. He happened to still be downstairs in our house when I called and came to our room when he realized I was crying. Through tears I told him all about the dream I had just had. I told him how in the dream a doctor told me that something was wrong with our baby. I also told him that my mom was in the dream and that she and I were walking down a hallway together in a hospital going to see the baby and that my mom told me that the baby's face looked different. Soon after that I woke up. I very much remember saying to Troy that early morning, "What if something is wrong with our baby?" I also remember saying something like, "If there was something wrong with our baby, what would we do? How would we handle it?" Even as I am typing this, it weirds me out that I had that dream because of all that took place months after it.
Months later when our Ashlyn was put into my arms and a doctor really did say to me, "We believe your daughter may have Down Syndrome," I didn't remember the dream at first. A few days later while we were still in the hospital, I did. I reminded Troy about the dream. I remember reminding my parents and my sister about the dream. I really don't place much stock in dreams. I don't try to interpret them or give them meanings. I am sure almost every pregnant woman has dreams of some sort about her baby while she is pregnant. I don't think the dream really meant anything except to cause me to remember that when I was carrying Ashlyn, before I ever knew her sweet little body carried an extra chromosome, I had asked the question, "What if.....?"
The author of the study on Esther (Beth Moore....love her!) talks about how most of our "what if" questions lead us to a conditional faith. A faith that trusts God simply not to allow the things that we fear the most to ever happen to us. We simply trust God just to not let it happen. But, what happens when it does? Where is our faith then? The truth is that most of the things that we fear the most often don't ever even happen anyway. But we consume ourselves with fear worrying over what might happen and the fear can overtake us. Fear increases, God decreases.
Beth Moore says in this study, "Our conditional trust not only makes us an open target for torment; it also positions us as negotiators and beggars before God instead of secure children who trust their lives to their faithful Father. The most critical breakthrough of faith you and I could ever experience is to let God bring us to a place where we trust Him - period. We don't just trust Him to let us avoid what we fear most. We determine to trust Him no matter what, even if our worst nightmare befalls us. Our only steadfast defenses against life's certain uncertainty is unconditional trust in a Savior who loves us more than His own life.
As part of this study, we were encouraged to fill in the blanks of, "If .............., then............. Basically, we were supposed to say if my worst fear came true, then this is what would happen, with the prayer and hope that we could get to the place that says, "If my worst fear came true, then I know God will take care of me no matter what."
There is a section in the study where we are encouraged to fill in our worst fear and followed by that are words of truth of God's promises to us. For me, they would have gone like this if fear hadn't had a grip on me after my dream while pregnant with Ashlyn when I was asking the question of "what if ?"......
"If my baby is born with Down Syndrome, then God will take care of me."
"If my baby is born with Down Syndrome, then God has a plan."
"If my baby is born with Down Syndrome, then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me."
"If my baby is born with Down Syndrome, then God's going to demonstrate His sufficiency to me."
There is freedom in those words. There is also complete truth in those words after having lived through a "what if" and witnessed all of them being true. I keep experiencing them being true. The other huge lesson I learned from my "what if something is wrong with our baby" fear is that what I thought would be a huge nightmare was actually God giving me one of the biggest blessings I have ever known. Without a doubt, Ashlyn is a blessing, not the tragedy I thought was given to us in the days after her birth. Sometimes what we perceive to be nightmares are really God giving us blessings we never could have dreamed for ourselves.
I still have fears. I still have "what if's". I live in the real world and know that sometimes things happen that truly are tragedies. I know people who are carrying loads right now that they think will kill them. And, I know that fear can consume us over the worry of what could happen to the point that we aren't truly living anyway. Abundant life is gone.....choked by worry. I have a ways to go in this. I am praying that I would have unconditional faith. I am praying that I could truly say, "If my worst fear came true, then God." Nothing else. Try it.....whatever causes your mind to go to places of worry and anxiety over how you would make it through your worst fears....tell yourself this:
"If your worst fear came true, then God would take care of you."
"If your worst fear came true, then God has a plan."
"If your worst fear came true, then God desires to accomplish something monumental in you."
"If your worst fear came true, then God's going to demonstrate His sufficiency to you."
Not easy, but freedom. "What if ?........, then God." Period.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Love, love, love
I love love. I love being in love with the man of my dreams. I love holidays. So, add it all up and I am really happy on Valentine's Day. I like it because it isn't a major holiday where you have to buy a lot or prepare a lot for, but it can still be really fun and special. Here are some reasons why we have been feeling the love....
A day full of love. But the best thing is that it isn't just a day. It is an everyday, just keeps getting stronger love with my husband.
And the everyday joy of pouring love into two little girls. All of it covered by the love of our God.....there is no love better than that. Hope you are feeling the love too....Happy Valentine's Day.
Kyla had a Valentine's party at preschool and came home sporting this cute little thing
We had some valentine arts and crafts time
and this was the result
Kyla got to go on a special date with her daddy....here they are right before leaving. Next year when Ashlyn is a little older, daddy will have two little girls to take out.
I got to go on a date too and this was the person sitting across from me.....I was one happy woman.
Kyla and Ashlyn dancing with their valentine....they were having so much fun
Modeling their valentine shirts
Yummy....we made chocolate covered strawberries
And we talked about what the Bible says about love. Kyla has this verse memorized now.
We made a card for Daddy
All three of us girls got flowers!
And we giggled....
A day full of love. But the best thing is that it isn't just a day. It is an everyday, just keeps getting stronger love with my husband.
And the everyday joy of pouring love into two little girls. All of it covered by the love of our God.....there is no love better than that. Hope you are feeling the love too....Happy Valentine's Day.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Grasping
You may have heard me mention before I book that I love called, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. I love it. It sits on my nightstand and every morning as soon as I wake up I reach for it. Well, I guess the first thing I do is hit my snooze button a few times, lay in bed and think about how I don't want to get out of the warm blankets and then I reach for it. I love this book because it gets my mind focused for the day. The author is able to pack so much punch into two short paragraphs that every morning I feel like I got way more than just two paragraphs. And for me that is really good, because early mornings are not my thing. If I tried to read lots of pages every morning to get some real meat to start my day, I would be falling asleep with the book in my arms and giving my beloved snooze button one more tap. This book brings it. Does not hold back. Tells it like it is. And that is just what I need first thing in the morning.....no fluff, just bring it.
The other thing I really love about this book is that the author writes it as if Jesus is talking directly to you. Each entry has Scripture that correlates with it and is used by the author in the writing. A few mornings ago when I read the entry for that day, I was very challenged by the words. This is what it said:
Seek My Face, and you will find not only My Presence but also My Peace. To receive My Peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust. The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand. Ask My Spirit within you to order your day and control your thoughts, for the mind controlled by the Spirit is Life and Peace.
The most persistent choice you face is whether to trust Me or to worry. You will never run out of things to worry about, but you can choose to trust Me no matter what. I am an ever-present help in trouble. Trust Me, thought the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
I need that. I need in the morning to hear Jesus calling me to trust. I need to know I have two choices....worry or trust. The line that got me that morning and that I have thought of everyday since is, "The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand." No beating around the bush there. As I read it I started thinking of all the things I do grasp for to try to bring me peace....the list could go on forever, but to name a few.....I grasp onto thinking there is something I can do to make Ashlyn walk before she is ready, I grasp to try to please everyone around me and meet all of their expectations, I grasp to the hope that everyone around me will meet my expectations of them, I grasp to the pressure I feel in a culture obsessed with beauty and airbrushed magazine covers to stay a certain size.....and the list could go on. When I read that line it was so challenging and so freeing at the same time. I know I grasp to things other than Christ to try maintain a feeling of peace, but that morning I heard in my spirit very clearly Jesus saying to me...,"You can grasp all you want, but all you need to grasp to is Me. Everything else is dead."
The word "damages" in that line is what really got me. That the only thing I can grasp on to without damaging my soul is Christ. And, in my day to day life when I find myself getting caught up in worries or obsessions, I don't think about it being damaging, but when I step back, I sure do feel it. There is NO freedom in trying to control when milestones will be met, trying to please everyone or in trying to compete with women on the covers of magazines who aren't even real. It does damage. It isn't how Christ meant for us to live. It isn't abundant life to its fullest.
I think the reason that entry on that particular morning got me the most, is because I have been on a journey with God in this area for awhile and feel Him moving me to new places. We are getting somewhere. I don't want a damaged soul....I don't want worry to win over trust. I want freedom.....the abundant life I know God has for us. And, the thing is it is a fight...it is a battle. I know every morning when I wake up I have a choice to make....what will I grasp to? When I grasp onto Christ, I find peace. It is there every time. Freedom....abundant life....a whole soul.......all found when my hand is placed in His. What are you grasping to in order to find peace?
The other thing I really love about this book is that the author writes it as if Jesus is talking directly to you. Each entry has Scripture that correlates with it and is used by the author in the writing. A few mornings ago when I read the entry for that day, I was very challenged by the words. This is what it said:
Seek My Face, and you will find not only My Presence but also My Peace. To receive My Peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust. The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand. Ask My Spirit within you to order your day and control your thoughts, for the mind controlled by the Spirit is Life and Peace.
The most persistent choice you face is whether to trust Me or to worry. You will never run out of things to worry about, but you can choose to trust Me no matter what. I am an ever-present help in trouble. Trust Me, thought the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
I need that. I need in the morning to hear Jesus calling me to trust. I need to know I have two choices....worry or trust. The line that got me that morning and that I have thought of everyday since is, "The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand." No beating around the bush there. As I read it I started thinking of all the things I do grasp for to try to bring me peace....the list could go on forever, but to name a few.....I grasp onto thinking there is something I can do to make Ashlyn walk before she is ready, I grasp to try to please everyone around me and meet all of their expectations, I grasp to the hope that everyone around me will meet my expectations of them, I grasp to the pressure I feel in a culture obsessed with beauty and airbrushed magazine covers to stay a certain size.....and the list could go on. When I read that line it was so challenging and so freeing at the same time. I know I grasp to things other than Christ to try maintain a feeling of peace, but that morning I heard in my spirit very clearly Jesus saying to me...,"You can grasp all you want, but all you need to grasp to is Me. Everything else is dead."
The word "damages" in that line is what really got me. That the only thing I can grasp on to without damaging my soul is Christ. And, in my day to day life when I find myself getting caught up in worries or obsessions, I don't think about it being damaging, but when I step back, I sure do feel it. There is NO freedom in trying to control when milestones will be met, trying to please everyone or in trying to compete with women on the covers of magazines who aren't even real. It does damage. It isn't how Christ meant for us to live. It isn't abundant life to its fullest.
I think the reason that entry on that particular morning got me the most, is because I have been on a journey with God in this area for awhile and feel Him moving me to new places. We are getting somewhere. I don't want a damaged soul....I don't want worry to win over trust. I want freedom.....the abundant life I know God has for us. And, the thing is it is a fight...it is a battle. I know every morning when I wake up I have a choice to make....what will I grasp to? When I grasp onto Christ, I find peace. It is there every time. Freedom....abundant life....a whole soul.......all found when my hand is placed in His. What are you grasping to in order to find peace?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Happy snow days
What do you do when the temperatures are dropping, all you hear is ice hitting your windows and the city is starting to shut down? Well, if you are me you get really happy and.....
I love snow days......as excited as I got years ago when I found out school was canceled, I get that excited today. Everything slows down for a little bit and there are no other choices but to stay inside with the people you love (except for my sweet Troy who did have to leave our warm house for periods of time to shovel snow and go into work, but had a warm house waiting for him). I figure if you live in the midwest you know it is going to snow in the winter.....might as well embrace it. So, cuddle up, make some hot chocolate and have some happy snow days.
bake some valentine cookies
I love it when it is cold and snowy outside and inside the kitchen looks like this....nice and warm and smelling like cookies
the results.....
we cuddle up to stay warm
and to read books
we hear the wind howling outside and get ready in case the power goes out
and when it does we light candles, crank up the gas fireplace and cuddle up (the flash makes it look like there were lights on....nope, all dark)
we put on our cutest snowman apparel
read books with big sister
practice our standing
make a few phone calls
warm up in a bath.....and giggle
I love snow days......as excited as I got years ago when I found out school was canceled, I get that excited today. Everything slows down for a little bit and there are no other choices but to stay inside with the people you love (except for my sweet Troy who did have to leave our warm house for periods of time to shovel snow and go into work, but had a warm house waiting for him). I figure if you live in the midwest you know it is going to snow in the winter.....might as well embrace it. So, cuddle up, make some hot chocolate and have some happy snow days.
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