Four years later

It is crazy for me to even write that Ashlyn turned four years old today.  How did that happen so quickly? Four years ago today things changed for us forever.  Four years ago at this exact time, I was holding our only hours old baby girl, but my mind was spinning.  Doctors were saying they believed she had Down Syndrome, but they wouldn't know for sure until they got test results.  That night, four years ago, I was just staring at her.....trying to see what they were saying that they saw.  I couldn't see it yet.  It was honestly hard for me to even believe it.  I really didn't believe it at that point, but my mind started to wonder "what if?"  What if she did have Down Syndrome?  What in the world would it be like?  Nothing that I could think of brought me any comfort.  No thought I could think of regarding a future with Down Syndrome seemed like it would be okay.  That was just hours into it.  As the next couple of days passed I continued to try to imagine what it would be like......there were not a lot of good thoughts, mostly fears.

That was then, and today four years later I wish I could go back and tell myself so many things.  I wish I could tell myself that four years later I would wake to a happy little girl saying, "Hi, mama" when I walk into her room.  I would take that same girl to the park and we would talk on the way there and she would climb stairs and go down slides and laugh and have fun.  I wish I could tell myself that I would fall so in love that my daily thoughts would not be on Down Syndrome, but just of the joy of this child.

When someone has a child, there is no way to know what the future will be like.  It isn't possible.  We all go into it with expectations or ideas, but there is really no way to know any child's future.  While that was true of us four years ago, there were some things we were told to expect.  And those things let us know that Ashlyn would be different.  Her path would be slower and her future would not be full of some of the things we had expected.  Four years later, those things are still true.  Ashlyn is different, in such a beautiful way.  We don't know what all her future will be, but four years into it, things are a far cry from the visions of the future that I thought we would have.  That is all God, that is His nature.  He does more than we can even think or imagine.  He takes shocking news that we think we would never want and it turns it into something we find such joy in.

Here is a look at a day of four year old birthday girl fun......

Cheerios for breakfast are always more fun with a birthday balloon

 Look how big I am!

Pure joy

Slide concentration

Happiness

 Lunch with Daddy

Back home for an after lunch cupcake

Some singing and dancing....this is an everyday occurrence

 Sister love

Watching Daddy grill.....he is making her favorite for her birthday....hamburgers!

Yum

Happy birthday girl

Every day we live there is such evidence of God's faithfulness in our lives.  For us, this day in particular will always stand out.  We remember where we were four years ago at this time and we see where we are now.....God's faithfulness just showing off.

Joy in the Rain

Last week during a phone conversation with my mom, I mentioned to her that I am learning that no matter how many great things are going on at one time in your life, there are always challenges.  Good with the bad.  Things that make you question or wonder.  Basically, not all things can be all rosy all the time.  Such is life......battles are part of it. 

Last week we were right in the middle of lots of conversations and meetings about Ashlyn's upcoming IEP and the best placement for her for her second year of preschool. It was so heavy on my heart.  Along with that were challenges that had my husband and I seeking God for direction.  There are just days where things can feel heavy.  Which is why, last week on a rainy day, feeling heaviness in my heart, I asked Kyla and Ashlyn if they wanted to take a walk in the rain.  Kyla had just gotten home from school and it was just a little drizzly outside.  I knew my mind could use a change of scenery and fresh air.  The girls were so excited and Kyla couldn't wait to wear her new rain boots and rain coat.  Rain gear on and out we went. 

Ashlyn curious how that umbrella works

The giggles begin. My girls leading me to joy.

 Decided she would like an umbrella of her own to hold

The laughing continues.....so good for the heart

 Sister secrets under the umbrella

Testing out a puddle

 Getting ready to jump

Two little ducklings walking down the street

That rainy day walk was just what I needed.  I needed to go outside and watch two little girls light up at the simpleness of a walk in the rain......all the joys that are hidden there.  Pure joy.  With every step, every giggle, every jump in a puddle my heart became lighter and I was once again reminded that there is always joy in the rain.