While Daddy was gone.....

This past week Troy was in Phoenix for a ministry conference, which meant the girls and I were flying solo.  I am such a baby about him leaving.  Everything is better when daddy is around, but we made it through.  Things got off to a little bit of a rough start at supper the first night Troy was gone.  Ashlyn is getting to be a picky eater, which still surprises me because for months she has eaten just about anything.  All of a sudden she is showing her opinions about what she does and doesn't like.  I, however, am not a "short order cook mom", so whatever I make that night, that is what you get.  I thought spaghetti would be a great way to go, because it usually goes over well.  It is always loved by Kyla, but sometimes Ashlyn isn't feeling it and that night was one of those times.  And that usually leads to Ashlyn throwing food off of her tray.  Not good.

Here is evidence of food on the floor and Ashlyn "thinking" about it, after a stern talk from mommy

Here is the food on the floor along with the bowl after she gave that a toss.  Oh, that led to some alone time for Ashlyn in the time out spot.

 Time out is a new concept for Ashlyn, something we are just now introducing after Ashlyn does something like throw food on the floor.  She does not like it,  This was the first time she stayed in the spot and knew she had to stay there.  She screamed for the whole two minutes.  After I picked her up and we hugged and I showed her the food and told her she could not throw her food, she was hugging the life out of me and then said, "Sissy."  She needed some love from her sister, who was equally troubled that her little sis was in time out.

The next day at lunch, things were a lot better....

After a little snag at the beginning, we got on with our week and played with our princesses,
 

had some bedtime hot chocolate,

and marshmallows,

we watched the snow fall,

and took a picture for Daddy because we knew it wasn't snowing in Phoenix,

we stayed inside while it snowed and did some painting,

Ashlyn loved it,

Kyla's masterpiece,

We missed Daddy like crazy.  Every time I was on the phone with him, Ashlyn wanted to hear his voice on the phone.  Kyla asked about him all the time.  We made it through with lots of hugs and kisses,

and now we are glad to have the man of our life back home. 

Birthday Buddies

In the very early morning of January 10, 2007, I woke up to realize my water had broken and I was in labor with our first baby.  I remember as I started realizing what was happening, one of the first questions I asked Troy was what day it was and if it was his birthday.  Kyla was due to be born on January 24 but decided to come a little early and so on that morning I was trying to figure out what day it was.  Troy looked down at our clock and told me it was January 10....two days before his birthday.  Kyla was born on January 10 and came home from the hospital with us on her daddy's birthday, January 12.  They will always be birthday buddies.  This past weekend we celebrated.

 Birthday buddies ready to play in the snow....part of what comes with a January birthday

Birthday snowman

And a little sled pulling

Kyla at her birthday party 

Time for some cake

With our five year old girl

With all of her cards

 

It is such a joy for me to get to celebrate two of my greatest loves in the month of January......birthday buddies.

Five Years

Five years ago tonight I was in a hospital room in Indianapolis holding my firstborn baby.  It looked like this.....

For as tired as you can be after giving birth, there are details I will always remember.  I remember just staring at her as they were weighing and measuring her.  I just couldn't believe she was actually here.  I remember holding her right after she was born and thinking how beautiful she was and noticing that she had really long eyelashes, just like her daddy.  I remember how desperate her cry sounded and hoping I would be able to calm her down.  I remember loving her so much.  I became a mommy that night and I will forever remember it.  That was five years ago and this is today......

I have been blessed to be Kyla's mama for five years now and it is without a doubt one of the greatest blessings of my life.  I really can't believe she is five.  She brings so much joy to our home.  She has a tender and thoughtful heart.  She can be silly around people she is comfortable with and shy around those she doesn't know as well.  She is very detail oriented and a perfectionist.  She thinks things through.  She loves to read and play with babies and princesses.  She LOVES her little sister.  She includes Ashlyn in everything and treats her with so much love.  We are so thankful for Kyla and all she means to our family.  And because her life is so special to us, I did everything I could on her birthday to let her know how much she is loved.

Birthday balloon waiting for her this morning 

Lunch at Chick Fil A (her favorite)....Daddy met us there to have lunch with us.  Kyla and Ashlyn got some playing in before we ate.

Our surprise for her today was that she got to pick out a fish!!  She was really excited and picked this fish that she named Lily.

 Kyla told me that today is also Cinderella's birthday and she wanted to have a tea party and cake for her. Lots to celebrate today!

I made her favorite dinner for her tonight....spaghetti.  At bedtime I asked her what her favorite things of the day were.  She said picking out a fish and the spaghetti.  Glad I made her some!

 She will have a birthday party on Saturday with her Grandma's, Grandpa's and aunt.  Today was about celebrating her and letting her know she is deeply loved.  Troy and I told her at bedtime tonight that we are so glad that God made her our daughter.  Those words could not be more true. Our prayer is that year after year she will know how loved she is by us and by her Heavenly Father.  Happy 5th Birthday to Kyla Elise

New Year

I have sat down to right a blog post several times in recent days and have had trouble writing it.  I think sometimes the beginning of a new year feels so big, it is hard to know what to say.  When one year ends and another begins I can feel emotional sometimes, in a mostly good way.  It is just really heavy to look back over a whole year and be on the threshold of a new one, not knowing what awaits you.  But the really great thing is to know that at the beginning of 2011 I had no idea what awaited me in the next 365 days, but as it came to a close, I could look back and see all of the joys, sorrows and everything in between and be reminded that God had planned out each second of that year and carried me through it all.

I can say without hesitation that 2009 was the most difficult year of my life to this point.  It was during that year that I felt my whole world had been turned upside down and I was convinced it would never be the same again.  2010 brought a year of extreme growth and stretching for me and for our family.  It was a mixed year.....still full of questions and grieving at times, but also the dawning of a new hope and a new day.  A time of redemption and putting back together broken hearts.  A year of seeing that God is exactly who He says He is and He can do exactly what He says He can do.  2011 has been a year of seeing such beauty come from ashes that sometimes I can't believe how great the joy is.  We had to have the 2009 for the 2011 to be what it has been.   Quite often the deepest sorrow births the greatest joy.

And I say all of that not knowing one bit about what 2012 may hold.  Even as the year has begun, I find myself talking about certain plans or hopes and deep in my heart I know I have to say those things with open hands.  Hands open to receive what God wills.  2009 taught me that.  2009 allowed me to start 2012 knowing that I am not in control and each second I am tempted to believe I am, it doesn't take long for me to remember the truth.  There have been times, still are, where that thought seems scary to me.  But through God's grace, it is becoming freedom for me.  How beautiful it is that God allows the moments and in some cases, the moment, of a year to change your life for all the years ahead.

There are some things I do know as 2012 is starting.  I know that this is the year that my firstborn, Kyla, is going to turn five (next week) and the year she will start kindergarten.  It is happening and my heart is doing its best to get ready.  And I know that this is the year my Ashlyn will turn three and begin preschool.  And my heart is doing its best to get ready for that.  I know that this is the year my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage.  Sheer joy runs through me as I type it simply because of how much I love him.  And as 2007 began, I knew I would become a mommy that year, but I didn't know what all of the days of that year would look.  At the beginning of 2009, I knew I would be having another baby, but only God knew how that baby and that year would change the course of all of my other years, all for the better.  He is so good.  And at the beginning of 2002 I knew I was going to become Troy's wife but I didn't know what all of the years in between would look like and here we are about to celebrate ten years of marriage and I am so in love with him I can hardly stand it. That is what I love about new years, looking back and seeing how all of the years come together to bring you to the next.

There is something about a new year starting that causes some fear in me, though.  It is that realization that as the calendar is opened to a new year with blank days in it, we really have no way of knowing what will fill those days.  The fear of not knowing what all will happen this year.   I wish I could say that wasn't true but it is.  Someone I have come to love this past year is Ann Voskamp (if you haven't checked out her blog you really should.....www.aholyexperience.com).  Anyway, the other day on her blog she made the statement that "a woman can know faith in her head and fear in her heart."  The thing about 2009 is that it showed me something you think will never happen can most certainly happen.  It shook me up big time.  It blindsided me because I thought I knew how the year would play out. But the beauty of 2009 is that as I begin 2012 not knowing what the year holds, the faith is getting to my heart.  Less fear and more faith, knowing that whatever disappointments, sorrows or surprises this year holds, God will carry us and use it to transform us for the years ahead.  And that is not just an easy answer, but a faith I seek and pray for God to give me more of everyday.  Ann Voskamp said she may call 2012, "the year of no fear."  I think I may have to steal it for myself.

All I know for sure about 2012 is that God has ordained all of the days of it.  I know He is faithful and good.  That is all I know for sure.  But that is enough for me to welcome 2012 with open hands and receive all He has to give.  Happy New Year.

Adventures in Santa

This morning while we were eating breakfast we were talking about how tomorrow is Christmas Eve and Kyla said, "Well, I haven't given Santa my list yet.  I need to get him my list."  So, I said, "Well, I saw him at the mall the other day.  We can go later and give him your list if you want to."  She gave a definite yes to that and we got out to the paper and she started writing.  We talk mostly about how Christmas is about Jesus being born and we try to apply it the best we can in four year (almost five year old) terms.  Last year we began to realize we were going to have to figure out how Santa was going to factor into all of it. Troy and I both came to the conclusion that Santa doesn't need to be the main thing, but that we can still have a little fun at this stage.  And just like the Disney princesses, Kyla is at the age right now where it is all very real.

I hadn't really even thought about making a special trip to go see Santa, because like I said, we haven't made a huge deal about him, but when Kyla asked to go, we were up for it.  And, we found that going to the mall to see Santa on December 23 can be quite the experience.  We first arrived in the late afternoon to a very long line.  We were waiting when I saw a sign that said Santa would soon be taking a break, I asked a worker and she said he was about to take a 45 minute break.....good grief, Santa.  We were all getting hungry so we decided to go get dinner and then maybe come back later.  We also wanted to go see lights tonight.  After dinner we drove out a little bit into the country to a house that has lots of lights and also a Santa who gives out candy canes to the kids.  So, Troy and I thought, well, if there is going to be a Santa there maybe Kyla can give her list to him.  She was not feeling that.....in her mind the "real" Santa was at the mall.  As we were leaving the lights she said that man was dressed up as Santa but I want to give my list to the Santa at the mall.  Back to the mall we went......the things we do for four year olds who believe. 

After lots of waiting, she has her list ready and it is almost her turn

Ashlyn was all smiles at a safe distance from Santa.  We just mentioned sitting on his lap and the tears started.

But she was happy to wait with her sister

When it was finally Kyla's turn, I wasn't quite sure what to expect.  She didn't seem nervous at all, but I know her well and often times she can get shy at things like this.  Not with Santa.  When her turn came, she walked right up to him and got straight into his lap with the list in hand.  He was a very nice Santa, reading over her list and asking her questions.

When we were walking away she said, "I think it was kind of tricky for him to read my list, but I think he knows everything I wrote.  He told me that he saw I want a Bitty Baby."  The list is in and we made a Christmas memory.....at a very crowded mall on December 23 waiting in line for Santa. I love this age and all the memories it makes.  Merry Christmas!

Big kid stuff

This past week we had a lot of big kid stuff going on around here.  It started on Thursday morning with a dentist appointment for Kyla.  She had already been once for the first time six months ago.  At that appointment she just talked to a nurse and the dentist counted her teeth.  This time it was an actual cleaning.  We started talking about it the day before and she didn't seem nervous about it.  On Thursday morning she was still okay but just mentioned that she wanted me to hold her hand while the dentist was "tickling her teeth", which is kid talk for a teeth cleaning.  I don't know how it started but almost every preschool aged child I know calls it that.  Anyway, I was pretty sure that they were going to have her go back by herself for her cleaning, at least that is what I had been hearing from my friends who had already been through this.  So, I didn't make any promises.

When we got there I saw the mom of a little boy in Kyla's preschool class who happened to be there at the same time as us.  I quietly asked her if the kids go back by themselves and she nodded yes.  It actually kind of me nervous because this was her first time and I am usually always with her for these types of things.  And to be honest, going to the dentist is not my favorite thing and if I could, as a grown woman, I would still have my mom come with me and hold my hand.  So, the nurse called her name and I as cheerfully as I could said, "Kyla, the nurse is going to take you back and I will be waiting for you.  Go with her and the dentist will tickle your teeth."  I added in a few more things about how fun it will be (sometimes moms have to fib a little bit).  Well, that caused instant tears and hanging onto my leg. The nurse clearly didn't want there to be a scene in the waiting room for all of the other children to see, so I stepped behind the door with Kyla and we talked to the nurse together.  She was so sweet to Kyla and hyped it all up.  She also threw in that their was a t.v. with videos to watch while waiting for the dentist.  I think that is what got her, because after that she started to let go of me and followed the nurse back. 

I was nervous in the waiting room, just wondering how she was doing.  The nurse came out once to get another child and she told me Kyla was doing great.  And, Ashlyn was helping me pass the time by singing "Jesus Loves Me."  Actually, she was singing it for the whole waiting room to hear.  She belts it out with gusto.  After a little while, the nurse called me back to come get Kyla and get a report from the dentist.  The nurse told me she did great....no tears and had a great check up.  The dentist verified that and also told me no cavities....yippee!  After we were finished talking to the dentist and it was just us, I hugged Kyla as big as I could and told her over and over how proud I was of her.  She was so happy and told me the girl (the nurse) brushed her teeth and the man (the dentist) tickled her teeth.  She also told me that she got to pick the flavor of toothpaste and she picked strawberry but it didn't really taste like strawberry.  No complaints other than that.

Serious big kid stuff.  Having your teeth cleaned all by yourself.  Here is the big girl after her first teeth cleaning with the balloon she got to pick out.  She was very proud of that.

 After how great she did at the dentist, how could I not reward her?  So off to Target to find a treat in the dollar section......here she is surveying her options, balloon in hand.

 Her choice......a Disney princess paint by number

 I was so proud of Kyla.  I didn't know what to expect, but would not have been surprised if the first time she didn't go and we would just try again next time.  She is usually shy at first and it can take her a few times to get used to the idea of something.  She is growing up.  She overcame her fear.  I was so, so proud of her.  Any my mama heart was a little emotional about the whole thing. 

 My heart got even more emotional when that same afternoon we had a representative from a special needs preschool talking to us about our options for Ashlyn.  Preschool.....really?  I will have to save that for next time, all I know is we've got two little girls doing some big kid stuff.

Oh, Christmas Tree

We are full into the sights and sounds of Christmas around here.  We had a minor setback this week when I came down with a not so fun case of strep throat, but thankfully I am feeling better now and am ready to get right back into Christmas.

One of the things Troy and I really wanted to do this year was go to a tree farm to get a real Christmas tree.  We have had a fake tree for the past few years, but always thought the idea of going to a tree farm to get one sounded so fun and once you have children of your own, those kinds of memories are even more important.  We had heard about several different tree farms around us, but while we were at Thanksgiving I was looking through a Midwest Living magazine at my mother and father in laws house and came across a tree farm that caught my attention.  At the time, I had no idea where it was, but I was loving the pictures and how perfect the tree farm looked.  As I continued to read it said the tree farm was in Thorntown, IN, outside of Indianapolis.  I was so excited when I found out this beautiful tree farm in Midwest Living was only about a 25 minute drive from our house. 

Dull's Tree Farm did not disappoint.  All I kept saying as we were walking around was, "This is so cute!"  The whole place just screamed Christmas.  Rows of fresh trees as far as you could see, a big fire pit where you could sit and get warm, a huge red barn where they wrap your tree up, cozy cottages with fire places where you can get hot chocolate and a horse drawn wagon ride.  I was a happy girl.

And so was Ashlyn....ready to go find the perfect tree

 Kyla and all of the trees. And the little bit of snow....perfect. 

Daddy, Kyla, the saw and the tree carrier....we are ready.

We found it!

Daddy getting to work and Ashlyn peeking in

Our tree cutter

Got it down!

Sisters

 Time to take our tree with us

 Lots of trees and two little girls

 Time for some hot chocolate

Loved this red barn

Gonna take a wagon ride

We got our tree home and got it all decorated.  My favorite part is the great smell.  I think it is safe to say that we have a new Christmas tradition.