Beauty for Ashes

Love List

2012-02-20T19:37:00.000-08:00

I know that Valentine's Day was last week, but it is still the month of love, so I thought I would share a list of things that I am loving right now.....

*Pinterest - Oh, Pinterest, how much do I love you? If you are at all into decorating, cute ideas or recipes and you haven't gotten on pinterest yet.....it is time. My sister in law first introduced it to me and I have been hooked ever since. I love decorating and doing new things around our house and also trying new recipes. And, it turns out, people have all sorts of creative things on this site. Just looking around on pinterest makes me happy and here are a few things I have found on there lately that I am really loving....

Green Monster Smoothie.....so good

I have heard several people talk about spinach smoothies and as much as it sounded like a good idea it just didn't sound good enough for me to want to make one. Until one day on pinterest I saw a pretty picture of one (that always draws me in) and people saying that it tasted really good. Honestly, to me that means it tastes like a blizzard from DQ. I was highly doubting that a spinach smoothie would taste like that and to be truthful, this doesn't taste quite that good, but it is really good. I make one several times a week. If you are on pinterest, look it up and give it a try. My other favorite from pinterest is this photo collage that is now on our living room wall.....

Here it is all laid out on our floor before being put up

I had so bad been wanting a photo collage for one of our walls, but left to my own devices to try to come up with all the right frames all the right distance apart, it never happened. Enter pinterest and all of the creative, pretty and inspiring ideas. And, this particular project gave very detailed instructions, was not hard and did not cost a lot of money....all of my favorite things.

Finished product.....we all love it. The girls love it! They were so excited to see it and Kyla loves to talk about the memories associated with each picture. So much more meaningful than the wall art that was hanging there before.

*Message Board - This is another thing I am really loving right now....

My friend, Nicole, recently had what is called a Blessings Party, which sells DaySpring products. They have beautiful products and I chose this. I love it! It is a dry erase marker board....it is in our kitchen and I put Bible verses on it. It is a great way for our family to see Scripture as we walk through the house and also to help the girls memorize verses.

*The phrase, "Not cool"- I am loving this right now because it is one of Kyla's new phrases. It is so big kid sounding and makes me laugh. She uses it in several circumstances. The other day she was building blocks and Ashlyn knocked them over and she said, "Ashlyn, that is not cool." :) And just a few days ago I accidentally dropped a plate in the kitchen. She walked in, looked at me and just said, "Not cool." She cracks me up.

*Morning devotional time - I have for so long wanted to get up early in the morning and have quiet time with God reading the Bible and praying before my day starts. The problem here is I am not a morning person. I tried it in college, it lasted a few days. I have tried it several times over the years, never lasted long. I always did better with devotional time in the afternoon. The problem I was running into recently though, was that my afternoon time is becoming very limited. I just don't have a lot of uninterrupted time and was feeling like I couldn't really focus. I knew it was time to try the morning thing again but I was nervous about it. And, the deal is, I really need this time and really want it. I kept thinking about doing it in the mornings and finally tried it again. I am going on a month now and loving it. Both of my girls are good morning sleepers, neither of them getting up super early, so I am able to get up before they are awake and have that time. It has been wonderful.

*Date nights - This will always be on the list of things that I love. The other thing I really love about date nights right now, though, is that my friend Tracy and I swap date nights with each other once a month. One Friday night a month her kids come to our house so she and her husband can go out and vice versa. We each get a night out with our husbands, free babysitting and our kids get to play together, which they love. Everybody is happy.

The very top of my love list. On our date this past weekend

Woohoo!!! We are getting ready to celebrate being married 10 years and we are taking a trip to celebrate. Add in some travel research to our date.

The love is shared with our kids on date night too.....Kyla came home with this note of sweetness from her friend, Alyssa

This is what I am loving these days. How about you....anything on your love list right now?

Lovey Dovey

2012-02-14T19:46:00.000-08:00

Today is Valentine's Day but we have been feeling the love for weeks leading up to it. I love Valentine's Day because it is a reason to make things special, but nothing you have to stress about to get ready for. It is just the special little things about Valentine's Day that make it so fun. Like wearing clothes with hearts on them....

Ashlyn after church

Another heart shirt

And another

And one more....Ashlyn declaring her love for her daddy

And, of course, the fun of having small kids at Valentines....making crafts. This is something Kyla just loves!

Ashlyn got in on it too with her sweet speech therapist adding in some play dough fun during speech.

And, who can forget about the Valentine's treats? We always look forward to the really yummy treats my mother in law sends us at Valentines each year. I have been getting these treats ever since Troy and I were dating in college and now Kyla and Ashlyn are loving them.

The other great thing about Valentine's is that you can make anything extra special by making it into the shape of a heart.....

Rice Krispie treats

Not heart shaped, but so good

Valentine's lunch....heart shaped grilled cheese

My favorite part of Valentine's is doing special things to show our love for each other. I love seeing this between Troy and the girls....he is such a loving daddy to them, making sure they know they are loved. And he gives them each flowers every year. I just read something a couple of weeks ago that said that young girls that know they are loved and affirmed by their dads when they are small, won't be as likely to feel the need to seek love and affirmation someday from a teenage boy. Amen! I experienced this love from my dad and love seeing my girls receive it from theirs.

Ashlyn looking at her card from daddy

We are lucky girls....our beautiful flowers

Add in a little Valentine's snow.....

and, we had a great day. Feeling the love....Happy Valentine's Day!

On the same journey

2012-02-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

When Ashlyn was first born and we received her Down Syndrome diagnosis, I felt very alone and isolated. I knew no one personally who was in our same situation. It wasn't long before that all changed and God began to bring people into our lives who were also in our situation. I have connected with so many people who I never would have otherwise met and they have all been such a help and encouragement to us.

I also began following the blogs of others who had children with Down Syndrome. It is amazing how much you can feel like you know someone even when you really don't. It is just an encouragement to know there are others on the same journey. Last week we were made aware of two different articles written by parents of children with Down Syndrome. And, again, I see the people God has placed on the same path as us and I am so proud of how they are using their voices to honor their children and the Down Syndrome community as a whole.

The first article is written by Gabe Lyons who my husband knew about before I ever did. He has written books that my husband knows about and learned that he has a son with Down Syndrome. Anyway, he wrote this article that is just so good. It is getting lots of publicity right now, probably because it is very well written and speaks very honestly about how the culture we live in craves a perfection that we can control. And when somethings happens that we can't control, we want to take the control back by getting rid of it, which is why the abortion rate of Down Syndrome babies is so very high. You can read the article here.....
To Cade and the Eight Percent

Then just days after that article, my husband was made aware of another article written by a mother of a Down Syndrome daughter. Her name is Amy Julia Becker and she wrote the article about how her daughter has caused her to rethink perfection and all the other things God is teaching her through her daughter. I loved reading it and could relate to so much of it. You can read that article here....
It's No Mistake, Penny is Perfect

I am really thankful for the people who are on this same journey with us. Most of all I am thankful for a child who brought us into this community and all of the beauty we are finding here.

Parenting - The Things that Matter

2012-01-30T18:27:00.000-08:00

We are in the season of parenting right now that is very hands on and requires a lot of energy (that may be all seasons of parenting). It involves a lot of cleaning up after messy hands, changing diapers, playing make believe, reminding to pick up toys, reminding to speak kindly, zipping up coats, finding socks, calming down when crying and the list goes on. There are days when I can feel like I am just doing menial tasks....the laundry, cleaning bathrooms, sweeping the floor, dinner prep.....it doesn't always feel so glamorous, but I do know there is no other job in all the world I would rather have. And in the middle of all of it, the day in and day out of parenting, I know it is a huge job. The responsibility of raising little people who will turn into big people and making sure they are ready. And not just ready, but ready to live life in a Christ centered way. It is my biggest prayer for my children, that they would have hearts that love God and desire to follow Him.

And that doesn't just happen. That takes serious intentionality. That takes parents who are the real deal and walking the walk themselves. That takes a lot of prayer. That takes trusting God even when you don't see fruit from your efforts. We know that and we know it is God who is giving us the strength. And I know we won't always do it all right, but I ask God everyday to help me to do it the best I can. And that is why when we are in middle of coloring and Kyla says, "Mommy, how many eyes does God have? How can He see everyone all at once?" or "Mommy, does God hear me even when I whisper?".....it is those moments that I know God is giving to me to point her to Him. Or the moments when I see her showing kindness and I point it out to her. Or when she is scared about something and we stop and pray. I know God is using it all. And I can only imagine all the moments He will give in the years ahead. I just know of all of the jobs of parenting, pointing my kids to Christ is the biggest one.

I have never sat down and written a list of what I hope the hearts of my children will look like when they are about old enough to leave our house, but this list I found pretty much sums it up. I read Ann Voskamp's blog very regularly and I loved this recent one she wrote for her son. Her writing it so beautiful and this particular blog post had the tears flowing down my face for how much this is the prayer for my own children. Read it here.

I know that everyday these children are in my house, they matter. All of the moments matter. It is a big job we have and we want to do it well. To raise kids that love God and are set apart for Him, I can't think of a bigger job. I also know that really it is not up to me. This is not all in my hands and that it will be God who moves the heart of my children. So, whatever season of parenting you may be in.....the baby stage, toddler stage, school days, about to leave for college days....remember it all matters. Walk the walk and point the way.

While Daddy was gone.....

2012-01-21T18:43:00.000-08:00

This past week Troy was in Phoenix for a ministry conference, which meant the girls and I were flying solo. I am such a baby about him leaving. Everything is better when daddy is around, but we made it through. Things got off to a little bit of a rough start at supper the first night Troy was gone. Ashlyn is getting to be a picky eater, which still surprises me because for months she has eaten just about anything. All of a sudden she is showing her opinions about what she does and doesn't like. I, however, am not a "short order cook mom", so whatever I make that night, that is what you get. I thought spaghetti would be a great way to go, because it usually goes over well. It is always loved by Kyla, but sometimes Ashlyn isn't feeling it and that night was one of those times. And that usually leads to Ashlyn throwing food off of her tray. Not good.

Here is evidence of food on the floor and Ashlyn "thinking" about it, after a stern talk from mommy

Here is the food on the floor along with the bowl after she gave that a toss. Oh, that led to some alone time for Ashlyn in the time out spot.

Time out is a new concept for Ashlyn, something we are just now introducing after Ashlyn does something like throw food on the floor. She does not like it, This was the first time she stayed in the spot and knew she had to stay there. She screamed for the whole two minutes. After I picked her up and we hugged and I showed her the food and told her she could not throw her food, she was hugging the life out of me and then said, "Sissy." She needed some love from her sister, who was equally troubled that her little sis was in time out.

The next day at lunch, things were a lot better....

After a little snag at the beginning, we got on with our week and played with our princesses,

had some bedtime hot chocolate,

and marshmallows,

we watched the snow fall,

and took a picture for Daddy because we knew it wasn't snowing in Phoenix,

we stayed inside while it snowed and did some painting,

Ashlyn loved it,

Kyla's masterpiece,

We missed Daddy like crazy. Every time I was on the phone with him, Ashlyn wanted to hear his voice on the phone. Kyla asked about him all the time. We made it through with lots of hugs and kisses,

and now we are glad to have the man of our life back home.

Birthday Buddies

2012-01-17T12:07:00.000-08:00

In the very early morning of January 10, 2007, I woke up to realize my water had broken and I was in labor with our first baby. I remember as I started realizing what was happening, one of the first questions I asked Troy was what day it was and if it was his birthday. Kyla was due to be born on January 24 but decided to come a little early and so on that morning I was trying to figure out what day it was. Troy looked down at our clock and told me it was January 10....two days before his birthday. Kyla was born on January 10 and came home from the hospital with us on her daddy's birthday, January 12. They will always be birthday buddies. This past weekend we celebrated.

Birthday buddies ready to play in the snow....part of what comes with a January birthday

Birthday snowman

And a little sled pulling

Kyla at her birthday party

Time for some cake

With our five year old girl

With all of her cards

It is such a joy for me to get to celebrate two of my greatest loves in the month of January......birthday buddies.

Five Years

2012-01-10T18:51:00.000-08:00

Five years ago tonight I was in a hospital room in Indianapolis holding my firstborn baby. It looked like this.....

For as tired as you can be after giving birth, there are details I will always remember. I remember just staring at her as they were weighing and measuring her. I just couldn't believe she was actually here. I remember holding her right after she was born and thinking how beautiful she was and noticing that she had really long eyelashes, just like her daddy. I remember how desperate her cry sounded and hoping I would be able to calm her down. I remember loving her so much. I became a mommy that night and I will forever remember it. That was five years ago and this is today......

I have been blessed to be Kyla's mama for five years now and it is without a doubt one of the greatest blessings of my life. I really can't believe she is five. She brings so much joy to our home. She has a tender and thoughtful heart. She can be silly around people she is comfortable with and shy around those she doesn't know as well. She is very detail oriented and a perfectionist. She thinks things through. She loves to read and play with babies and princesses. She LOVES her little sister. She includes Ashlyn in everything and treats her with so much love. We are so thankful for Kyla and all she means to our family. And because her life is so special to us, I did everything I could on her birthday to let her know how much she is loved.

Birthday balloon waiting for her this morning

Lunch at Chick Fil A (her favorite)....Daddy met us there to have lunch with us. Kyla and Ashlyn got some playing in before we ate.

Our surprise for her today was that she got to pick out a fish!! She was really excited and picked this fish that she named Lily.

Kyla told me that today is also Cinderella's birthday and she wanted to have a tea party and cake for her. Lots to celebrate today!

I made her favorite dinner for her tonight....spaghetti. At bedtime I asked her what her favorite things of the day were. She said picking out a fish and the spaghetti. Glad I made her some!

She will have a birthday party on Saturday with her Grandma's, Grandpa's and aunt. Today was about celebrating her and letting her know she is deeply loved. Troy and I told her at bedtime tonight that we are so glad that God made her our daughter. Those words could not be more true. Our prayer is that year after year she will know how loved she is by us and by her Heavenly Father. Happy 5th Birthday to Kyla Elise

New Year

2012-01-07T17:44:00.000-08:00

I have sat down to right a blog post several times in recent days and have had trouble writing it. I think sometimes the beginning of a new year feels so big, it is hard to know what to say. When one year ends and another begins I can feel emotional sometimes, in a mostly good way. It is just really heavy to look back over a whole year and be on the threshold of a new one, not knowing what awaits you. But the really great thing is to know that at the beginning of 2011 I had no idea what awaited me in the next 365 days, but as it came to a close, I could look back and see all of the joys, sorrows and everything in between and be reminded that God had planned out each second of that year and carried me through it all.

I can say without hesitation that 2009 was the most difficult year of my life to this point. It was during that year that I felt my whole world had been turned upside down and I was convinced it would never be the same again. 2010 brought a year of extreme growth and stretching for me and for our family. It was a mixed year.....still full of questions and grieving at times, but also the dawning of a new hope and a new day. A time of redemption and putting back together broken hearts. A year of seeing that God is exactly who He says He is and He can do exactly what He says He can do. 2011 has been a year of seeing such beauty come from ashes that sometimes I can't believe how great the joy is. We had to have the 2009 for the 2011 to be what it has been. Quite often the deepest sorrow births the greatest joy.

And I say all of that not knowing one bit about what 2012 may hold. Even as the year has begun, I find myself talking about certain plans or hopes and deep in my heart I know I have to say those things with open hands. Hands open to receive what God wills. 2009 taught me that. 2009 allowed me to start 2012 knowing that I am not in control and each second I am tempted to believe I am, it doesn't take long for me to remember the truth. There have been times, still are, where that thought seems scary to me. But through God's grace, it is becoming freedom for me. How beautiful it is that God allows the moments and in some cases, the moment, of a year to change your life for all the years ahead.

There are some things I do know as 2012 is starting. I know that this is the year that my firstborn, Kyla, is going to turn five (next week) and the year she will start kindergarten. It is happening and my heart is doing its best to get ready. And I know that this is the year my Ashlyn will turn three and begin preschool. And my heart is doing its best to get ready for that. I know that this is the year my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage. Sheer joy runs through me as I type it simply because of how much I love him. And as 2007 began, I knew I would become a mommy that year, but I didn't know what all of the days of that year would look. At the beginning of 2009, I knew I would be having another baby, but only God knew how that baby and that year would change the course of all of my other years, all for the better. He is so good. And at the beginning of 2002 I knew I was going to become Troy's wife but I didn't know what all of the years in between would look like and here we are about to celebrate ten years of marriage and I am so in love with him I can hardly stand it. That is what I love about new years, looking back and seeing how all of the years come together to bring you to the next.

There is something about a new year starting that causes some fear in me, though. It is that realization that as the calendar is opened to a new year with blank days in it, we really have no way of knowing what will fill those days. The fear of not knowing what all will happen this year. I wish I could say that wasn't true but it is. Someone I have come to love this past year is Ann Voskamp (if you haven't checked out her blog you really should.....www.aholyexperience.com). Anyway, the other day on her blog she made the statement that "a woman can know faith in her head and fear in her heart." The thing about 2009 is that it showed me something you think will never happen can most certainly happen. It shook me up big time. It blindsided me because I thought I knew how the year would play out. But the beauty of 2009 is that as I begin 2012 not knowing what the year holds, the faith is getting to my heart. Less fear and more faith, knowing that whatever disappointments, sorrows or surprises this year holds, God will carry us and use it to transform us for the years ahead. And that is not just an easy answer, but a faith I seek and pray for God to give me more of everyday. Ann Voskamp said she may call 2012, "the year of no fear." I think I may have to steal it for myself.

All I know for sure about 2012 is that God has ordained all of the days of it. I know He is faithful and good. That is all I know for sure. But that is enough for me to welcome 2012 with open hands and receive all He has to give. Happy New Year.

Adventures in Santa

2011-12-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

This morning while we were eating breakfast we were talking about how tomorrow is Christmas Eve and Kyla said, "Well, I haven't given Santa my list yet. I need to get him my list." So, I said, "Well, I saw him at the mall the other day. We can go later and give him your list if you want to." She gave a definite yes to that and we got out to the paper and she started writing. We talk mostly about how Christmas is about Jesus being born and we try to apply it the best we can in four year (almost five year old) terms. Last year we began to realize we were going to have to figure out how Santa was going to factor into all of it. Troy and I both came to the conclusion that Santa doesn't need to be the main thing, but that we can still have a little fun at this stage. And just like the Disney princesses, Kyla is at the age right now where it is all very real.

I hadn't really even thought about making a special trip to go see Santa, because like I said, we haven't made a huge deal about him, but when Kyla asked to go, we were up for it. And, we found that going to the mall to see Santa on December 23 can be quite the experience. We first arrived in the late afternoon to a very long line. We were waiting when I saw a sign that said Santa would soon be taking a break, I asked a worker and she said he was about to take a 45 minute break.....good grief, Santa. We were all getting hungry so we decided to go get dinner and then maybe come back later. We also wanted to go see lights tonight. After dinner we drove out a little bit into the country to a house that has lots of lights and also a Santa who gives out candy canes to the kids. So, Troy and I thought, well, if there is going to be a Santa there maybe Kyla can give her list to him. She was not feeling that.....in her mind the "real" Santa was at the mall. As we were leaving the lights she said that man was dressed up as Santa but I want to give my list to the Santa at the mall. Back to the mall we went......the things we do for four year olds who believe.

After lots of waiting, she has her list ready and it is almost her turn

Ashlyn was all smiles at a safe distance from Santa. We just mentioned sitting on his lap and the tears started.

But she was happy to wait with her sister

When it was finally Kyla's turn, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. She didn't seem nervous at all, but I know her well and often times she can get shy at things like this. Not with Santa. When her turn came, she walked right up to him and got straight into his lap with the list in hand. He was a very nice Santa, reading over her list and asking her questions.

When we were walking away she said, "I think it was kind of tricky for him to read my list, but I think he knows everything I wrote. He told me that he saw I want a Bitty Baby." The list is in and we made a Christmas memory.....at a very crowded mall on December 23 waiting in line for Santa. I love this age and all the memories it makes. Merry Christmas!

Big kid stuff

2011-12-17T19:29:00.000-08:00

This past week we had a lot of big kid stuff going on around here. It started on Thursday morning with a dentist appointment for Kyla. She had already been once for the first time six months ago. At that appointment she just talked to a nurse and the dentist counted her teeth. This time it was an actual cleaning. We started talking about it the day before and she didn't seem nervous about it. On Thursday morning she was still okay but just mentioned that she wanted me to hold her hand while the dentist was "tickling her teeth", which is kid talk for a teeth cleaning. I don't know how it started but almost every preschool aged child I know calls it that. Anyway, I was pretty sure that they were going to have her go back by herself for her cleaning, at least that is what I had been hearing from my friends who had already been through this. So, I didn't make any promises.

When we got there I saw the mom of a little boy in Kyla's preschool class who happened to be there at the same time as us. I quietly asked her if the kids go back by themselves and she nodded yes. It actually kind of me nervous because this was her first time and I am usually always with her for these types of things. And to be honest, going to the dentist is not my favorite thing and if I could, as a grown woman, I would still have my mom come with me and hold my hand. So, the nurse called her name and I as cheerfully as I could said, "Kyla, the nurse is going to take you back and I will be waiting for you. Go with her and the dentist will tickle your teeth." I added in a few more things about how fun it will be (sometimes moms have to fib a little bit). Well, that caused instant tears and hanging onto my leg. The nurse clearly didn't want there to be a scene in the waiting room for all of the other children to see, so I stepped behind the door with Kyla and we talked to the nurse together. She was so sweet to Kyla and hyped it all up. She also threw in that their was a t.v. with videos to watch while waiting for the dentist. I think that is what got her, because after that she started to let go of me and followed the nurse back.

I was nervous in the waiting room, just wondering how she was doing. The nurse came out once to get another child and she told me Kyla was doing great. And, Ashlyn was helping me pass the time by singing "Jesus Loves Me." Actually, she was singing it for the whole waiting room to hear. She belts it out with gusto. After a little while, the nurse called me back to come get Kyla and get a report from the dentist. The nurse told me she did great....no tears and had a great check up. The dentist verified that and also told me no cavities....yippee! After we were finished talking to the dentist and it was just us, I hugged Kyla as big as I could and told her over and over how proud I was of her. She was so happy and told me the girl (the nurse) brushed her teeth and the man (the dentist) tickled her teeth. She also told me that she got to pick the flavor of toothpaste and she picked strawberry but it didn't really taste like strawberry. No complaints other than that.

Serious big kid stuff. Having your teeth cleaned all by yourself. Here is the big girl after her first teeth cleaning with the balloon she got to pick out. She was very proud of that.

After how great she did at the dentist, how could I not reward her? So off to Target to find a treat in the dollar section......here she is surveying her options, balloon in hand.

Her choice......a Disney princess paint by number

I was so proud of Kyla. I didn't know what to expect, but would not have been surprised if the first time she didn't go and we would just try again next time. She is usually shy at first and it can take her a few times to get used to the idea of something. She is growing up. She overcame her fear. I was so, so proud of her. Any my mama heart was a little emotional about the whole thing.

My heart got even more emotional when that same afternoon we had a representative from a special needs preschool talking to us about our options for Ashlyn. Preschool.....really? I will have to save that for next time, all I know is we've got two little girls doing some big kid stuff.

Oh, Christmas Tree

2011-12-09T11:43:00.000-08:00

We are full into the sights and sounds of Christmas around here. We had a minor setback this week when I came down with a not so fun case of strep throat, but thankfully I am feeling better now and am ready to get right back into Christmas.

One of the things Troy and I really wanted to do this year was go to a tree farm to get a real Christmas tree. We have had a fake tree for the past few years, but always thought the idea of going to a tree farm to get one sounded so fun and once you have children of your own, those kinds of memories are even more important. We had heard about several different tree farms around us, but while we were at Thanksgiving I was looking through a Midwest Living magazine at my mother and father in laws house and came across a tree farm that caught my attention. At the time, I had no idea where it was, but I was loving the pictures and how perfect the tree farm looked. As I continued to read it said the tree farm was in Thorntown, IN, outside of Indianapolis. I was so excited when I found out this beautiful tree farm in Midwest Living was only about a 25 minute drive from our house.

Dull's Tree Farm did not disappoint. All I kept saying as we were walking around was, "This is so cute!" The whole place just screamed Christmas. Rows of fresh trees as far as you could see, a big fire pit where you could sit and get warm, a huge red barn where they wrap your tree up, cozy cottages with fire places where you can get hot chocolate and a horse drawn wagon ride. I was a happy girl.

And so was Ashlyn....ready to go find the perfect tree

Kyla and all of the trees. And the little bit of snow....perfect.

Daddy, Kyla, the saw and the tree carrier....we are ready.

We found it!

Daddy getting to work and Ashlyn peeking in

Our tree cutter

Got it down!

Sisters

Time to take our tree with us

Lots of trees and two little girls

Time for some hot chocolate

Loved this red barn

Gonna take a wagon ride

We got our tree home and got it all decorated. My favorite part is the great smell. I think it is safe to say that we have a new Christmas tradition.

Favorite Days

2011-11-29T18:27:00.000-08:00

We went to bed last night with the latest forecast saying we could see snow today. I woke up this morning and heard the cold rain pounding down. I was happy thinking that the rain I was hearing could turn to snow.....I am a snow lover. And I was really happy because today we had absolutely nothing scheduled. Nothing. That hardly ever happens. Ashlyn has therapy three times a week, Kyla has preschool and there are various other things we are involved in. But, today was free.....and it might snow......happiness.

The girls and I took our sweet time getting going and stayed in our jammies a little longer than usual.

And as we were having breakfast I was already loving how cozy this day was going to be. A cold day, Christmas time and the promise of the first snow of the season coming.....well, that is a day where you have to bake cookies. So, we got dressed and headed out in the rain to get a few things we would need.

Perfect day for our boots

All bundled up

Ready to face the elements

While we were at the store, we walked the baking aisle and talked about what kind of cookies we should make. There are all sorts of kinds that I love at Christmas, one of those being peanut butter blossoms. As much as I love them, my husband loves them more. They are his favorite at Christmas. So, we decided to make daddy's favorite. While we were driving home from the store, Kyla said, "Mommy, can these cookies be a surprise for daddy?" Definitely they can.

Time to bake....working on unwrapping the Hershey's kisses

Helping with the dough

And helping herself to a taste :)

Lining them all up

And the best part....taking a bite after they are baked and cooled

After the cookies were baked and while we were eating lunch, I looked out and saw that the rain was starting to have white mixed in with it. I told Kyla to look and the excitement began.....for both of us. Kyla decided she better go get her binoculars to get a better look at the snow that was starting to fall.

Happy about what she is seeing out the front door

And a few hours later, those little specks of white turned into this....hello, first snow of the season....

Taking it all in

Kyla checking it out from her bedroom window

And when we weren't looking out the windows at the falling snow, I got a little help with some cleaning from
a sweet little helper.

Today was my favorite kind of day. Everything I love all fell into one day.

Two happy sisters

And a happy man who came home to his squealing four year old girl telling him that we made him a surprise

A cozy day at home, nothing on our schedule, the joy of the first snow, making memories with my girls.....this was my favorite kind of day.

Thankful

2011-11-27T18:15:00.000-08:00

We just got back yesterday from celebrating Thanksgiving with the Hochstetler side of our family. Thanksgiving is definitely one of my favorite holidays and we were so blessed to be with our family. We had a blast with them, as we always do. The girls are getting to that age when being at Grandma and Grandpa's house is one of the best things on earth. Kyla cries now when we leave, it kind of breaks my heart.

I always have a blast because I have such a fun mother in law and sister in law. We all share a love for pinterest and when we arrived they had pinterest projects waiting for us to to do. Love that! They even had a pinterest project for Kyla. And, we always have fun doing a little shopping together....I am so blessed to have them in my life.

There was also a first this Thanksgiving. I have been wondering what all the hype over Black Friday is and so I convinced my sweet husband to come along with me this year to see what it is all about. We can chalk this one up under "the things you do for love" category, because Troy doesn't particularly love shopping on a regular day. Also, one of the biggest differences between the two of us is that I am a night owl and he is an early bird. Which is why I thought I would much rather do the Black Friday thing when the stores opened at midnight than get up at the crack of dawn. He obliged and took a nice two hour nap before we left. My overall take on Black Friday is that I was less than impressed. I think I was going in with visions of getting high priced items for next to nothing. Also, I didn't have a plan or a particular item I was looking for. So, basically it was me and my tired but awesome for going along with it husband roaming the mall with the Black Friday shoppers. I wish we could have had someone along taking pictures because I am sure it was funny to watch.

All of these things and more is what made our Thanksgiving this year really great.....

Kyla and Ashlyn in the cute Thanksgiving hats Grandma got for them

Our family on Thanksgiving day

Kyla checking out the just carved turkey

She is ready to begin the feast

And so is Ashlyn

And so is Troy

Time for pumpkin pie

Digging in....

Time for a nap....and dreaming about how much fun Black Friday shopping will be

Sisters in the chair at Grandma and Grandpa's that they love to spin in

Kyla working on her pinterest project with Grandma

Almost midnight and about to leave for Black Friday....if Troy looks half asleep, he was

With Heidi, in the middle of one of our projects

Having some splashing fun in Grandma's kitchen sink

Ashlyn loves playing the piano

Our finished projects....winter wreaths for our front doors

Kyla's finished pinterest project....a felt tree for her to decorate. So fun!

Ashlyn laughing while Aunt Heidi gives her a ride

Loving it at Grandma and Grandpa's

Blessed beyond measure and so very thankful. Hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful.

Thoughts on Disney

2011-11-18T18:42:00.000-08:00

We got back from Disney World last Friday and it has taken me about a week to get "back to reality" and get us all back in the groove. We could not have asked for a better trip.....all four of us loved it. This was our first big vacation as a family and our first trip to Disney as a family. Here are some of my thoughts, along with lots of pictures from our trip......

1. Getting there can be fun too

I think the reason I can say this with confidence is because we flew and did not drive. If we lived closer, we certainly would have driven there, but making the trip from central Indiana to Florida with a two year old and four year old sounded like a recipe for disaster. And, it turns out, that airplanes can be pretty fun.

Ashlyn is settled into her seat and ready to go. She did a great job.

Kyla thought it was all really cool, including that they brought you a snack and you could pick a drink.

Ashlyn decided a little nap might do her some good on the plane ride

Peeking back to say hi to Ashlyn in the row behind her

2. Disney really is magical

I think no matter how old you are, there is a magic in the air at Disney. At least this 31 year old thinks so. And to see the magic through the eyes of your children is really special.

We were so excited to see the castle and to see that Disney was all decorated for Christmas.

First time visitors to Disney get these pins....Ashlyn wearing hers proudly.

Kyla seeing Minnie Mouse for the first time in a parade

Pure happiness

The joy of Ashlyn on the kiddie rides at the Magic Kingdom

Kyla riding Dumbo for the first time. This ride was one of their favorites.

3. Almost five years old is a perfect time to go

We debated on when to go to Disney and when the perfect ages would be. I don't know if there is ever a "perfect" age, but for Kyla just about to turn five, it was so special. Everything is still so real to her. Every princess she met was the real thing to her. I wanted to go at an age when it would all still be magical to her and this was it.

Kyla and I got to eat breakfast in Cinderella's castle and meet many of the princesses. Kyla wore her Cinderella dress for it and we had such a fun time.

Meeting Snow White

......and Aeriel. Kyla started squealing when she showed up, because she is one of her favorites.

With Belle on a different day

She had an autograph book to get the princesses signatures.

Her face of joy riding the Winnie the Pooh ride at Magic Kingdom

And another face of joy while on a safari at Animal Kingdom

3. Florida in November is beautiful

We weren't sure when to go, we just knew we didn't want to go in the heat and crowds of the summer. We picked the fall and are so glad we did. It was sunny and in the low 80's while we were there. Beautiful.

Warm enough to get our toes in the water

and swim

and splash

and wear shorts

4. Disney makes everything special

I guess they don't call it the happiest place on earth for nothing, because how can you not be happy when all of a sudden at three o'clock in the afternoon there is a parade and at night there are fireworks?

Here come Mickey and Minnie during an afternoon parade

Kyla making sure that Cinderella sees her waving. There was one meltdown when Kyla was waving her heart out to Aeriel and she didn't see her. Luckily, everyone else seemed to wave back.

The castle all lit up at night. Kyla loved it!

And so did little sister

We got to meet Minnie (and Mickey) at Animal Kingdom

And they certainly go all out for Christmas. Here we are at the big Christmas tree at Hollywood Studios.

5. Disney can wear you out
We were blessed to be able to be there for a week, so we purposefully planned a couple of rest days into it. On two days we just took it easy and stayed at the pool. Other days were at the parks all day and it made us tired as evidenced here....

and here.....

6. Ashlyn hates being stuck in her stroller

This girl loves wide open spaces and every picture where she is the happiest is when she is out of her stroller. The thing is that Disney is so crowded with people that it is really hard to just let a child out of their stroller to walk around. But Ashlyn got a few chances and she made the most of them.

Loving her freedom at Magic Kingdon

With big sister by Aeriel

at Animal Kingdom

at Downtown Disney

and the airport

7. It really is a small world
One of the girls favorite rides at Disney was "It's a Small World", but it turns out that it really is because we ran into several people we know at Disney. Such a fun surprise.

We were blessed to meet a very kind family who were staying at the same place as us, who have a 10 year old son with Down Syndrome. When we first arrived, Troy was getting us checked in at our resort and the girls and I were just walking around. I saw a boy who I knew had Down Syndrome and his mom and I smiled at each other. Soon after staring at each others children we started talking and getting to know each other and discussing the very special thing we have in common. Here we are with Tyson at Magic Kingdom.

Another huge blessing and surprise was finding out that at Disney the same week as us were our friends from college, Ben and Angela LaPlace. They are also a fellow pastor and wife and it was a joy to visit with them and meet their sweet boys.

One night while strolling through Downtown Disney, Troy thinks he sees someone who looks a lot like one of my sisters close friends, Meg, who was a bridesmaid in her wedding just over a month ago. So, I started running after this person to find out that it was in fact her! She and her husband were there on a trip. Such a fun surprise.

8. Being together on vacation as a family is priceless

Troy and I were certainly excited to be with each other for a week and very much looking forward to being with our girls and experiencing Disney with them. This was our first week long family vacation together and it was so special and I look forward to many more.

The girls and I

Daddy and the girls ready for the safari ride at Magic Kingdom

Ready to make some memories

At Downtown Disney

I love him so much and a week with him was such a gift.

At Epcot

Ready to enjoy a delicious treat from Ghiradelli's at Downtown Disney

This trip was such a blessing to us and memories we will always have. Could not have asked for a better time at Disney World with our family.....and Mickey and Minnie.

Contentment

2011-11-02T20:42:00.000-07:00

I think in the culture we live in contentment can be a very hard thing. There is always the temptation for more stuff, more money, more clothes, etc. We often find ourselves comparing our situations with someone else's. In my opinion, discontentment can be one of the most miserable things there is and the older I get, the more I find God teaching me about this. I am learning that thankfulness = contentment. It is pretty simple, really. It is very difficult to be thankful and discontent at the same time. And, in my opinion, thankfulness each day for what you have and where you are is one of the most joyful things there is. I pray my children see this in me and they learn what it means to be thankful each day for even the smallest things.

A few weeks ago, I was in a discussion about the topic of contentment and a friend of mine told me about a book she was reading that included in it something called the, "Holy Habits of Contentment" (from a book called "Calm My Anxious Heart." These are the rules:

1. Never allow yourself to complain about anything - even the weather.

2. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.

3. Never compare your lot with another's.

4. Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.

5. Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours.

Very challenging rules, but so worth striving for. I have also been reminded that this is not something I can do in my own strength. I know that it is God's will for me to be content and so I pray and ask Him to help me because I know that whatever I ask for that is in God's will, He will do. This I know, thankfulness most certainly leads to contentment. Here are some things I am really thankful for these fall days.....

Ashlyn so happy to be out in the leaves

Kyla too!

And us too!

Cinderella

Tinkerbell

Ready to go trick or treating

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Disney World here we come!!

2011-10-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

We have been thinking about going to Disney and saving money to go for awhile. Months ago things started to fall into place and we decided it was time. It is always hard to know when is the perfect time to take your kids but I think it is going to be such a great time for Kyla.....she will turn 5 this winter and loves the Disney princesses so very much. She is at the age where it will truly be magical for her. I can't wait to see her face when she sees the castle and gets to meet Cinderella. I know Ashlyn will never remember it, but I think she will have a blast while she is there. We cannot wait. I am the most excited about our family being together for a whole week of vacation....our first big family vacation.

We didn't tell Kyla we were going until just a couple of weeks ago because I knew if we told her too soon she would be asking everyday when we were going. And, I wanted the excitement to build for her and be able to have a countdown counting down the days. So, when we did tell her we decided to video tape it. Have you ever seen those videos where parents tell their kids they are going to Disney and they start screaming and crying? Well, Kyla's reaction was a little more subdued.....

I think the camera made her a little shy.....she didn't know what to expect or why we sat her down for a conversation with the video camera in front of her. Although this particular take is better than the first time we tried when I started by asking her if she could go anywhere in the world where would it be, and she said the beach. Well, Disney is close to the beach, but not exactly what I was looking for. Anyway, as soon as we turned the camera off the excitement started with her saying things like, "I can't wait! I wish we were going tomorrow!" Every morning one of the first things she says is that we need to put another sticker on the countdown chart. Sometimes out of nowhere she will tell me she is so excited we are going to Disney. She is so excited. I am so excited. Get ready Disney.....we are coming!

Three sweetest words

2011-10-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

In Ashlyn's speech therapy we are beginning to work on Ashlyn putting two words together. There are certain times where she might say something like, "Hi, Daddy". Yesterday she had one that surprised me. I was standing in the kitchen and she wanted me to see something and I heard, "Mama, watch!". It really is true that when things come harder for your child, when they get something, it makes it that much sweeter.....which is why the three little words she said last week mean so much. Hear it for yourself....

"I love you." Three words together and the three best words there are. And what makes me really thankful is not only that she said them but I know she feels them. She loves her family and knows she is loved by us.

Fall.....so glad you are here

2011-10-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

Every year around this time I find myself announcing the same thing, "It's official, October is my favorite month." I love fall and October is a month full of everything that makes fall my favorite. The leaves are turning beautiful colors and crunching under our feet as they fall. The weather is great, not too hot and not too cold. You take a walk outside and can smell burning leaves. And, inside the fall scented candles are burning. I love every little thing about it.

Pumpkins on the front porch and, Ashlyn, the cutest little pumpkin

Kyla raking up a big pile of leaves so she can jump in

Adding fall flavors into our baking

Sweet baking girl

Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies....so good

Trip to the pumpkin patch

Ashlyn checking out the pumpkins

Kyla found hers

Wagon ride

October....loving every minute of it.

Buddy Walk

2011-10-11T19:06:00.000-07:00

One of the things I worried about after Ashlyn was born was if she would be accepted. After we got her diagnosis, I couldn't help but look ahead down the road and wonder what it would be like. I still wonder from time to time, but the more I see people embrace her, the less I worry. I have watched a community of people surround her and love her and it means more to me than I can say.

Over the weekend we were privileged to walk in the Buddy Walk for Down Syndrome Indiana, which is an organization that is all about the inclusion of people with Down Syndrome and the walk is a way to raise funds and build awareness. Troy and I knew we wanted to be a part of it and walk in honor of Ashlyn and also raise money. We began to get the word out to our family and friends about what we were doing and before we knew it, the support was coming in. People we love and who we know love Ashlyn began showing that love by donating, signing up to walk and raising money themselves. There were times that Troy and I would see the generosity of people towards our daughter and just look at each other with tears in our eyes. Tears of knowing she is loved and accepted.

In the weeks leading up to the walk I began feeling like we really needed to say something to Kyla. We have never told her that her sister has Down Syndrome. She was just over two when Ashlyn was born so it would have been useless to tell her then. As time has gone on, Kyla and Ashlyn have bonded so much as sisters and I just wanted that bond to continue to form before we said anything to Kyla. I just wanted her to see Ashlyn as her sister. I was getting very emotional about it. Troy and I kept talking about it and praying about when and what exactly to say. I shared my feelings and tears with my closest friends and family. In many ways, I didn't want to say anything to Kyla because up until now we have been in a little bubble of innocence where Kyla has no idea that her sister is different. Although, maybe on some level she does, but doesn't really care. So, it was the day before the walk and Ashlyn was napping and just Troy and I were with Kyla. We kept it simple and just said, "Kyla, we are so excited to go on this walk on Saturday. It is a walk for kids with Down Sydrome...." and before we could go on with the sentence she interrupted and said, "But I want to go on the walk!" Letting us know she knows that Down Syndrome is something she doesn't have but she really wants to still go to the walk. We continued and told her the walk is for all kids but that some kids there would have Down Syndrome and we were walking for Ashlyn. She said, "okay" and went right on to the next activity. No questions.....just glad to walk. I know questions will come in the future but for now Ashlyn is just her sister and if her sister has something called Down Syndrome that makes no difference to her. Acceptance.

The walk was a wonderful day of honoring Ashlyn and the gift she is to us. We were so blessed by the family and friends that came to walk alongside us. We can never say how much it meant to us. Here are some pictures from our day.....

The star of the day ready to walk

Our family with our team sign...."Ashlyn's Rubies"

With our parents and Troy's sister (Aunt Heidi)

Troy and his girls

Me and my Ashlyn Ruby.....so glad she is mine

The girl who just wanted to go to the walk....big sister

Me and Troy. This picture means so much to me because the two of us cried many tears and clung to each other after hearing the words Down Syndrome for the first time and here we are on the other side..... happy to be at our first Buddy Walk

To all of those who walked with us, donated or raised money.....THANK YOU! Team Ashlyn Rubies raised over $2,000! More than anything, thank you for walking beside us and for loving our daughter. We love you.

Mrs. Meza

2011-10-04T19:09:00.000-07:00

In the summer of 2004 my sister had graduated college and wasn't sure at that point of the next step to take. At that time, Troy and I were living in Kansas City, MO where he was in seminary and I was working at Kansas City Life Insurance in human resources doing recruiting. Kara and I are very close and so she would come visit and I can remember on one visit her and I were out at the pool at my apartment (those were good days) and I said, "Kara, you should move here." I told her that Troy and I loved it in Kansas City and although I knew it was probably just temporary for us, she should give it a try. We have always dreamed of living in the same city and we figured that would be an opportunity for it to happen for at least a little while. So, she did it. She moved to Kansas City and got an apartment and started working a job that she soon found out she didn't like at all. So, when a job came open at the company where I was working, I suggested she apply. I talked to the hiring manager and he said he would love to meet her. I remember the day she was sitting in my office before her interview. She got the job and who would have known that all of that would lead to this.......

Little did Kara or I know that the day she got off the elevator for that job interview, that her future husband would be right around the corner. After about a year, Troy and I did move and not too long after I can remember Kara and I talking on the phone and her saying, "Do you remember Dustin Meza? Well, I went out with him last night and I really like him." Kara and Dustin began dating, things kept getting more serious and this past weekend we celebrated their wedding. It was such a beautiful and special day.

Kyla getting her hair done

Adorable flower girl number one

Adorable flower girl number two

My beautiful bride sister....I love her so much

With our wonderful friend, April......so special to us

All the girls

With my flower girls

My awesome parents

Kiss for Grandpa

With one of our flower girls

Kyla and Hailey....super flower girls

She is a married woman!

With our beautiful mom

Having fun on the dance floor

Who would've known that when two sisters were out by a pool thinking about one of them making a move of all that it would have led to? I know that God did. God knew about all of the pieces and the timing of it all. It is crazy to think that even God leading Troy to seminary in Kansas City and opening up a job for me there was part of Kara meeting her future husband. The providence of God....that is something to celebrate. I am so happy for my sister and my new brother in law. Congratulations, Mr, and Mrs. Meza.

Wednesdays....

2011-09-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

Ever since my childhood, Wednesdays have been a crazy day. I have vivid memories from my elementary school days of going to school, then piano lessons afterwards, home for supper and then off to church for Wednesday night activities. I also have memories of sitting in the church foyer doing my homework while my parents were in choir practice. They were crazy days, but I do look back on them fondly. Except for maybe the piano lessons but that is mostly because I never really practiced as much as I probably should have.

The Wednesday craziness has followed me into adulthood. Currently on Wednesdays, Kyla has preschool in the morning, Ashlyn has two therapy appointments and the whole family is at church on Wednesday nights....I am passing it on to the next generation and really I wouldn't want it any other way. Who knows....there could even be Wednesday piano lessons in our future.

Troy and I don't really see each other on Wednesdays until at the end of the day when it is all done. He stays at church through supper on those days because he teaches a class on Wednesday evenings. So, we are usually at the kitchen table on Wednesday evenings at about 9:00 p.m. having peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Last Wednesday, however, Kyla and I were out in the backyard enjoying a beautiful day while Ashlyn was napping and all of a sudden I saw Troy coming around the corner. He hugged us and said since we don't see each other very much on Wednesdays he wanted to come home for just a few minutes to see us. Made our day! And I should interject here that buying a house 30 seconds from the church was the best decision we ever made. And marrying Troy Hochstetler was the best decision I ever made, for moments just like this......

Enjoying a nice day out on a blanket in the backyard

A few minutes with Daddy on a Wednesday......blessed.

Happy girl

This Wednesday is an especially crazy one because in a few hours I will getting on a plane to fly to Kansas City to be with my sister who is getting married this Saturday!!! Different Wednesday craziness, but in a wonderful way. And, next Wednesday, I will be back at the kitchen table with my husband at 9:00 p.m. talking about our days. Truly, it is a great life. Happy Wednesday!

Sisters

2011-09-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

Most mornings I get Ashlyn out of bed first because, bless her heart, she wakes up earlier than Kyla. It takes Kyla and I a little longer to get going. Anyway, almost every morning after we have some hugs and kisses she says, "Sissy." She can't wait to see Kyla. And if I tell her that Kyla is still asleep she whispers, "Sissy sleeping." And then once Kyla is awake the hugs and giggling start.

I am sure there will be days in years to come when Kyla will wonder why her sister has Down Syndrome and nobody else's does. I know there will be times when it will take extra patience. But the bond they are forming right now and the love that is there, makes the future seem nothing but bright. I love these girls so much and they love each other.

First thing in the morning (jammies and bed head), time to play "kitchen"

Game time

My favorite.....playing babies together

This sums it all up. Ashlyn was having a hard day. I turned on a little Sesame Street and they watched it together.....holding hands.

For all of the tears that I cried, worrying that their relationship would be so different, I am learning that it is more special than I could have dreamed.

Let's Take a Walk

2011-09-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

After Ashlyn was born someone made the comment to me that my world just got bigger. What they meant was that because of Ashlyn we would meet people and welcome people into our lives that we never would have otherwise. It has proven to be so true. In many ways, I feel like we have welcomed a whole community into our lives. Whenever I see someone with Down Syndrome, I feel this warmth in my heart toward them. I accept them and love them because in some way they are a part of me because they share in the specialness of our girl. Without a doubt our world has gotten much bigger and we are so excited to celebrate this community that has stolen our hearts.

This year, our family is celebrating our daughter by walking in the Down Syndrome Indiana Buddy Walk. It’s a one day event designed to increase awareness about children like Ashlyn. If you’re reading this, you’re invited to walk with us that day. Ashlyn was blessed to be born into an incredibly loving community of family and friends. We’d love for nothing more than for that community of love and support to be present for Ashlyn. She’d love it too (and probably give you a hug). You’re also invited to donate on Ashlyn’s behalf to Down Syndrome Indiana.

To register to walk with us, to donate, or to learn more, please visit our Page.

Thanks for your love for Ashlyn and your support of people blessed with an extra chromosome.

Preschool days

2011-09-08T19:21:00.000-07:00

Kyla started preschool this week. This is her second and last year of preschool. I wasn't really feeling too emotional about it until about two days before. I was sad that the summer was coming to an end and that our schedule would be getting fuller. Also, it started hitting me that with her gone on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings I probably won't go grocery shopping with her along as much and she won't be around for as many of Ashlyn's therapy appointments. I am just so used to her always being with us. The good thing is that Ashlyn and I will have more one on one time and preschool is so great for Kyla.

The night before it started I could tell Kyla was a little nervous about it. She said she was afraid to meet new kids. We kept assuring her that she would have a great time and prayed lots of prayers with her about it. This is reflective of her personality at this point....she is shy and reserved at first and it takes her a little bit to feel comfortable sometimes. She ended up having a great first day. As soon as we picked her up she said, "Guess what! I love my teacher!" She was all smiles and kept telling me that it was a good day.

Ready for school

Little sister wanted to be part of the action

Picture on the stairs.....looking big

Ready to send her off

Showing her name at her seat

Chatting with some of the girls in her class as they arrived

All smiles at pick up time

Sisters reunited

I so love the preschool days and so much of me wishes they could last longer. We will soak it up while they are here. As I recently heard a mom of young children say, "Our job is to raise our children, not maintain them." So, we will keep growing, but for now, I am thankful we have a year of preschool ahead of us.

Wild ball of joy

2011-09-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

The other morning after both girls were up and we were about to head downstairs for breakfast, we were in Ashlyn's room all laughing and being silly. Kyla said to Ashlyn, "Ash, you are a wild ball of joy!". I have no idea why she thought to phrase it that way, but when she said it, I immediately agreed with her. Yes, Ashlyn is a wild ball of joy!

I will always remember the tears I cried at the beginning of her life. I know why I cried those tears, it was a shock beyond what I can explain that had lifelong implications. I remember as those tears at the beginning were falling, I really wondered how much joy there would be. Little did I know, I was holding joy itself. Ashlyn herself is joy and the joy that her life brings to our home is something I never saw coming. She waves at everyone, laughs all the time, dances anytime music is on, claps when we sing and gives hugs away freely. This is not to say she doesn't have moments of tears and frustration.....she is a two year old after all. But, she is without a doubt a wild ball of joy and this is what she is up to these days......

Gaining more independence using a spoon and fork on her own -

Obsessed with washing her hands - She will go into the bathroom, climb up the little stool in front of the sink and yell out, "Wash!" until you either redirect her to something else or let her wash her hands.

In love with her big sister - These two girls have a blast together and the love is so mutual between them.

I love this picture.....they were looking at a book together and I noticed them holding hands. I had to sneak a picture.

Time for hair salon. This is one of Kyla's favorite things to do right now and Ashlyn is a very willing customer.

And it all leads to lots of laughing....

In love with daddy - Here she is with daddy after a wedding where he officiated. I was worried about her being quiet during the ceremony because I knew when she saw her love up there she was going to call out his name or want to run to him. I was able to subdue her in the back row, close to an exit with quiet singing in her ear.

Sometimes the greater the tears, the deeper the joy. Wild ball of joy.....we wouldn't trade her for anything.

I love my job

2011-08-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest joys of my life is being a stay at home mom. This has always been my dream job. There are moments when I have to pinch myself that it is really happening. It isn't always all fun all of the time. There are those moments where I feel like if we are stuck in the house any longer or I hear much more whining I might lose it. And there are some sacrifices that come with it.....we drive old cars, don't eat out a lot and have to watch how much money we spend. It is all worth it because from morning to night I am with two little girls that I adore and I don't have to miss any of the priceless moments that will never come again. The little things that as they are happening I am thinking how thankful I am that I am not missing them.

Ashlyn saying good morning to one of the many babies who lives at our house

Ash is taking a little more interest in coloring.....like she will hold a crayon for longer than 3 seconds and makes scribbles

Two artists at work

Checking to see how the banana bread is doing

Two girls and two recorders = beautiful music

Girly girls with their purses. Usually at some point in each day Kyla grabs her purse and tells us she is going to the store or to visit the princesses or take her baby to the doctor or to a birthday party....the list could go on and on. Well, now Ashlyn grabs her purse and follows Kyla around. Wherever Kyla is going, Ashlyn is up for it as long as she can bring her purse.

Time for a break to watch the rain coming down

Afternoon tea party with Snow White. That day we had raspberry tea served with carrot soup and chocolate cake. She throws a good tea party.

I realize what a blessing it is to be at home. I love my job.

Milliseconds of our moments

2011-08-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

This week has seemed to be a roller coaster of emotions. Many of my mommy friends have kids starting their first year of kindergarten or first grade. Some are sending their last child off to kindergarten, ushering in big changes. It seems for the past week every time I run into a mom, this is the topic of conversation. The other day at our neighborhood park I was talking to a mom who was getting ready to send her fourth and last child into kindergarten and she told me the night before she had bawled her eyes out for an hour. Let me just interject here that at this time next year I will be the mom crying, sending my firstborn to kindergarten. Thank goodness for moms who just get each other.

Troy and I have burdens we are carrying and some things that seem so overwhelming in our own strength. We are seeking God in prayer over many different things. I am sure that whoever is reading this, could say this is true for them as well. This is life....things hurt our hearts, test our faith, confuse us, discourage us, scare us and just when we get used to one thing the changes just keep coming. In the middle of all of this, I read something in a blog that I look at only from time to time, but it was the perfect time for me to read it. These truths brought calm to my heart....

Wherever we are.....
Here we are at this very moment.....
On this specific day, in this exact place.....

During this particular season of life,
We must rest in this truth:

God knows, God remembers, God ordains and God orchestrates the milliseconds of our moments.

And God is working, building, preparing and making the way for His answer to your immediate prayers and your lifelong ones.

He is setting the stage for Jesus, who will glorify Himself and bless you and those around you through the work He is doing this very moment, even if it seems like a lot of silence to you.

No matter the craziness we are in, there is a bottom line truth and that is that God is at work in it all. Orchestrating the milliseconds of our moments. What He is doing in our lives at this very moment from tears on the first day of kindergarten to unanswered questions, God is at work.....building, preparing and making the way. Thank you, Jesus, I would be lost without you.

*******

In other news.....check out the princesses who live at our house. We decided it was time for Ashlyn to get in on the dressing up action, so she got to wear a Tinkerbell dress that is getting too small for Kyla. It is still a little big for her, but she did have fun in it, until she started tripping over it. Here are my two princess girls....Kyla is so tall in this picture because, of course, she had on princess high heels.

Hello, sweet little Tinkerbell

Ready for a tea party

Deep breath. God is always good and can always be trusted. He is orchestrating the milliseconds of our moments.

Our roots

2011-08-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

In the summer Troy and I like to set aside time to go to our hometowns and be with our families. It is hard for us to get away on the weekends, which means it can be tough to go home a lot. So, we are always glad to make trips home and this past weekend we were in Springfield, IL.....one of my very favorite places. I love it because our family is there and it holds so many memories for me and Troy. And, Kyla and Ashlyn love it because Grandma, Grandpa and Aunt Heidi are there. We had a really fun weekend and here is why....

We baked in the kitchen with Grandma

and made these really cute beach cupcakes

we liked them.

Kyla helped pick some tomatoes for Grandma

We had a really fun time at the Illinois State Fair. We went to the opening night parade and the girls could not have loved it more. Kyla waved at all the floats and loved when they passed out candy. Ashlyn loved it all....waved and clapped for everything.

There is a great new park by Grandma and Grandpa's house that has a splash park as part of it. So much fun!

Kyla having fun at Aunt Heidi's house

Our family

Another added perk of this weekend was that I got to be a part of my sister's first bridal shower. My parents house is a little over an hour from Troy's, so on Saturday morning I headed down to my home church for the shower. Here we are before the shower.....my mom, Kara (the bride to be) and me.

We love going home. And as I was driving from Springfield down to Roxana, Illinois I kept thinking about all that God has brought together over these years. These towns are our roots and we have received so many blessings because of them and because of the people who loved us as we grew up. I had no idea when I was a little girl that an hour north from me was my future husband. So when we are there and our children are with us, it is such evidence of God's providence and faithfulness. As we were driving back to our Indiana home, somewhere as Illinois was about to turn into Indiana this beautiful rainbow filled up the sky. Kyla knows the story of Noah and the rainbow that God brings to remind everyone that God keeps His promises. As we were driving with the rainbow in our view, we reminded Kyla about that. God always keeps His promises. Going back to our roots always helps us see that.

A day with the cows

2011-08-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

About 45 miles north of where we live is a dairy farm. This is not a dairy farm with a few cows and some farm animals for the kids to pet, this is a dairy farm with 32,000 cows. It is huge. And a lot of fun. We have been wanting to go visit Fair Oaks Farm for awhile now. We went today and had so much fun. Fair Oaks is so clean and all of the people who work there could not be nicer. It is also great for kids with so much for them to do and see.

At the farm and ready to explore

Daddy and Ashlyn ready for a bus tour....time to see some cows

And, boy, did we ever see some cows! Here is their milking station. This is the dairy go round....all the cows lined up and ready to get milked. They have it down to a science and it is crazy to see.

Me, Kyla and the cows (we weren't really in the barn....just by a picture)

Big blue skies and a jumping girl

Taking a rest in the shade

Farm girl

And two little cow girls

Troy seeing how fast he could milk a simulated cow. He has farming in his blood.....he was a natural.

My favorite part of Fair Oaks is that you get to see baby calves being born. This is what I was most excited about and the most nervous about....not sure what the girls would think of it. I knew Ashlyn wouldn't really be paying attention but I didn't know what Kyla would think. As Troy and I discussed with each other beforehand, cows giving birth in a barn is primal. Actually, a woman giving birth in a hospital is primal too, but kids aren't generally allowed to peek in on that.

The birthing barn is really cool. They have a stop light outside of it and if it is red it means no calves are being born right now. If it is yellow it means it is coming soon because hooves are coming out (primal). If it is green it means that baby is coming out. Inside of the barn they have stadium seating for viewers to sit back and watch it all happen. And that is just what we did.

Here are two mama cows who are in labor...they are pretty calm about the whole thing

This is a mama just after delivering her cow, cleaning it off

Warning: Unpleasant picture. Just keeping it real and primal. We were lucky enough to see a cow deliver twins today. But, she needed a little help. So, in came a farmer/helper who tied a strap around the hooves coming out and started pulling. Ouch.

It got even more invasive than that when the farmer went away and came back with a rubber glove on his hand. You can imagine what came next. I saw him walking in and I whispered to Troy, "Oh no, he is gloving up." Luckily, none of it seemed to phase our children. After the twins came out, everyone started cheering. The farmer got the baby calves off into a pile of hay while the mama laid and rested, which who can blame her? While she was resting the farmer came over and gave her a pat on the back.....giving her a little affirmation of a job well done. After I delivered Ashlyn with no drugs and lots of screaming, Troy told me I was his hero. I guess the pat on the back is the equivalent in cow terms.

Here is Kyla witnessing the miracle of birth, cow style

After the calves are born, you can go see them in their little newborn cages. Like a little cow hospital nursery. And I thought 7 lbs., 7 oz. was tough.

Since we were spending the day on a dairy farm, it was only fitting to enjoy some yummy dairy food.

Kyla and I with our grilled cheese sandwiches

And, of course, ice cream

Yummy......ice cream face

If the milk from Fair Oaks is good enough for the Colts, it is good enough for us

As we were reminded on our bus tour of the farm today, we live in the corn belt. And for two kids who grew up in the corn belt, big open skies and fields of corn will always feel like home to us

As Kyla prayed tonight at bedtime, "Dear Jesus, thank you for cows that give us milk." Yes, we are thankful for those cows and for a great family day on the farm.

Beating the heat

2011-07-31T12:53:00.000-07:00

Good grief, we have been having some hot days. The kind of days where I don't even dry my hair, it just dries on its own and goes up into a ponytail, because what really is the point when it is 97 degrees outside with high humidity? The kind of days where we are having to get creative on how to spend our days because we can't be outside for too long.

So, we have been spending a little more time on arts and crafts......

We head to the library and look at books and play in the comfort of air conditioning. Kyla loves going to the library and thinks it is such a treat when I tell her that is where we are going. It is a little bit of a challenge to contain Ashlyn in the library right now, but she sure loves it there too.

Here she is reading a book. The whole library pretty much heard it reading it. She isn't a quiet reader.

Kyla loves to pick out books and have me read them to her as soon as we pick them

Ashlyn's favorite part of the library.....wide open spaces to walk and walk and wave to everyone she sees.

Enjoying the play area

Since it is so hot outside we decided to heat up our oven as well and make a pie. Peach pie was our choice since peaches are so good right now and because I am married to a man who loves pie. We decided to make one for daddy.

My kitchen helper

Ready to go in the oven

When Troy got home from work, Kyla ran to him and said, "Daddy, we made you a pie because we love you." We know how to welcome home the man of our house around here.

The other day we got a very brief break from the heat with a few minutes of rain. Kyla decided we should go out to the front porch to watch it......

and feel it.....

We were thankful for some water for our plants and a little cool down. I have a feeling this week it will be back to beating the heat and we are thankful for that too.

One of those days

2011-07-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

We have been out of town the past few days and got back home late last night. I woke up this morning knowing that their were bags to be unpacked, lots of laundry to do, floors that really needed to be cleaned and a refrigerator that needed food so we could have something to eat for dinner. We were all tired this morning after a late night. I wasn't quite feeling on my game and Kyla was crying over small issues. Actually, I started off the day feeling like before we reached lunch I might be crying myself. Not really sure why, I just had a feeling that the day could hold tears. If you are a guy reading this you might not understand that, but if you are a woman, I pray you can relate and I am not the only crazy one.

So, we made it through breakfast and started some laundry and made our way over to Meijer to get the groceries we needed. I always have a list with me when I grocery shop, but this morning I didn't have one prepared very well since we got in late the night before. I was trying to focus on what I thought we needed, while at the same time trying not to go over our allotted grocery budget amount for the month. We were doing pretty good and were almost done when I ran into one of our friends from church. Her and I were talking in the produce section and I knew Kyla was right on the other side of my cart although I wasn't seeing exactly what she was doing. I could hear her talking in her imaginary world, which she often goes into at the grocery store. Just a few minutes earlier she was walking down the aisle beside me, holding a package of ground beef and talking and pretending with her "friends." We have quite the time at the grocery store.

Anyway, my friend and I were talking when all of a sudden I hear a man say to me, "Excuse me, ma'am, is that your child?" And I was thinking, "Oh, man, do I even want to look over and see whatever prompted the produce man at Meijer to ask this question of me?" I looked over at Kyla and the man said, "She can't lick the fruit." It took me a second to realize that as I was talking, Kyla was picking up pieces of fruit and licking them. I told him I was so sorry and then bent down and asked Kyla if she knew which pieces she had licked, as I was prepared to put them in our cart and go buy them. I figured if you lick them, you buy them. Kyla simply told me that no, she didn't know which ones she had licked. At this point, the produce man picked up the ones he saw her licking and told me he would take care of it. I again told him that I was sorry. He walked away and I looked at my friend, thinking how grateful I was it was her and not someone who doesn't have kids. Luckily, she has kids of her own and is the children's pastor at our church......she isn't phased by the things that kids do. In Kyla's defense, I have never sat down with her and told her that you can't lick the fruit at the grocery store. I told her that today and so a life lesson was learned.

By the time we got to the check out line, Kyla was holding things up to me and asking me if we could buy them while Ashlyn was yelling the word, "Out!" at a loud volume. I was telling Kyla that we couldn't buy the random toys she was asking for and trying to calm Ashlyn down while at the same time thinking how thankful I was that she can say the word, "out" and use it appropriately. We finally made it through the line and I had my camera in my purse so I was able to catch this......the cart yeller and the fruit licker all smiles now that they were riding "Sandy" the horse.....

We made it out of the grocery store and although I was frazzled, the tears didn't come and we made it through the rest of the day without any. The floors got cleaned, bags got unpacked and the laundry is half done. And, even though I felt behind today, it was all worth it because we were able to spend the last few days with family we don't get to see too often. Every summer, my family on my mom's side tries to all meet up together for a few days. This past weekend we met in Bloomington, Indiana for a few days together. It is always so great to catch up and be together and the girls had a really fun time.

Instead of mommy pushing the cart, it was Great Grandpa during a run to Wal Mart

The girls had lots of fun with their Aunt Kara

and bonded with their soon to be Uncle Dustin

Golfing buddies....Troy and Jeremy (my cousin Julie's husband)

Me and my cousin, Ashley, holding up our Karen Kingsbury books with Lake Monroe behind us. We are both obsessed with her books and feel like we know the characters personally. It just so happens that the books take place in Bloomington, IN and lots happens on Lake Monroe. How lucky for us that we got to spend time in the town of some of our best friends.

The littlest of the clan, Ashlyn and Landon

Kyla and Landon thinking they are ready to get into that pool

There was lots of swimming

Kyla with her second cousins, Scott and Matt

I am really thankful that our girls are able to be with this part of their family and get to know them. And, Ashlyn had hugs for everybody.....

Great Grandpa

Matt

Great Uncle Mark

and John (my cousin Ashley's husband)

We loved being with everyone and are so glad for the time we had with them. We took a group picture but unfortunately by camera battery died right as it was being taken. Even though being away for a couple of days can make for a challenging first day back, it is always worth it to be with family.

Thirty One

2011-07-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

I had a birthday yesterday and from the title of this blog post, you will know how old I turned. I guess since I titled it that way, I am still okay with people knowing how old I am. My family made sure to make the day special for me. Kyla even decided to dress up for the occasion....

I love these girls

And the great thing about a birthday is that an ordinary Tuesday can have a little more fun in it. I got to have two dates yesterday with the people I love the most. We met daddy for a birthday lunch....

And, the man who will always be my favorite date took me out to dinner.....

I didn't just turn thirty this year, I am now in my thirties. I like it here. And one of my favorite pictures from the day sums up why. I love this picture because I will always look back at it and know this is the view I saw the most of when I was thirty one. What a beautiful view it is and what a great place to be.

Beach day

2011-07-18T19:11:00.000-07:00

What do you do if you live in the middle of Indiana but want to spend a day at the beach? Well, lucky enough for us, even though we are surrounded by other states and no water, it doesn't take too long to get to the water. People had been telling us about this great beach on Lake Michigan that was in a really quaint and pretty beach town. Troy and I decided to make the two hour trip and have a family day at the beach. We knew that doing this with a 2 year old and 4 year old is a risk. You never know for sure what you are going to get and when someone might start breaking down. Our thought was let's just go, have fun, take as it comes and if we don't make it very long it isn't a big deal. At least we tried. Well, we are really glad we did because we had such a blast. The beach was great and the girls loved it and did so well. And, we loved the little town of New Buffalo, Michigan with it's cute cottages.....

and harbors.....

and, of course, this. Water as far as you can see stretching all the way to the big, blue sky.

We couldn't wait to dip our toes in....

Dipping our toes in was about as far as we could go because the water was very cold, but that didn't keep us from loving every second of our day at the beach.

I am really glad that we didn't focus on the reasons why the trip could have been difficult, because we would have missed out on an amazing day and finding a beautiful beach that I know we will go back to again. Sometimes packing up beach toys, towels and snacks and driving two hours is totally worth it.

Heat up.....cool down

2011-07-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

This week started off really, really hot. As soon as you walked outside you felt like you were wet from how humid it was. I grew up in Southern Illinois right outside of St. Louis, which I think is one of the hottest places on earth. I know that it really isn't and there are hotter places, but St. Louis gets really hot in the summer. I remember when I was around jr. high age my family made the trek from down state to visit Chicago. It was the middle of June and already in the high 80's/low 90's in St. Louis and when we got up to Chicago we had to buy sweatshirts because it was so chilly. Weird. I like summer to be hot. I won't lie, though, upper 90's with out of control humidity isn't my favorite, but part of summer so I will take it. On those really hot days it is hard to go outside much with little ones so we stay inside and....

wear our cute summer dresses

and take care of our babies

see how high we can build a block tower

and have lots of sister fun

In the middle of the week, the humidity died down and the temps came down into the breezy and comfortable 80's. So we headed outside and.....

played at the park

and made sidewalk chalk art

Whether it is so hot you could fry an egg on your driveway or so perfect you want to stay outside all day, we are loving the summer.

Spoons and perspective

2011-07-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

We have been working with Ashlyn for awhile now on holding and eating with a spoon. It is definitely one of those things that has had me stressed at moments wondering how hard it will be for her to get it. There have been plenty of therapy sessions of her screaming while her therapist is trying to help her with a spoon and plenty of mornings at the breakfast table with her screaming while mommy is trying to help her. At first, I would feel so defeated because I can remember handing Kyla a spoon when she was around 18 months old and pretty soon she had it down.

The really cool thing about Ashlyn and the spoon is that I have seen how God is working in us. Not too long ago, Ashlyn taking longer to reach a milestone would really bother me (I still have my moments). In this situation as we are getting farther in this journey I have this peace that I know she will get it and I don't have to push it. At breakfast for months there has been a spoon involved. It started out with my hand over her hand to do it, which she would tolerate for a few bites and then want it to end. Then she would allow it a little longer. For awhile, she was getting frustrated enough and breakfast was becoming a stress, that the spoon wasn't around. We just took a break. That is the cool thing.....the perspective that comes the longer you are on the journey. The perspective that allows me to not compare Ashlyn to Kyla and to know that Ashlyn will eventually get it. I don't have to force it or worry that kids her age have already mastered this skill. Sometimes you just have to put the spoon in the drawer, walk away and let it be for awhile.

Last week I decided to get the spoon back out. I put a bowl of cereal in front of Ashlyn at breakfast and handed her a spoon just to see what she would do. What she did is put that baby right down into the bowl and get a little bite of cereal and in a very messy but beautiful fashion, put into her mouth. I was cheering and then she started clapping and Kyla started clapping......applause at breakfast makes you know you are going to have a good day. She kept trying and wouldn't always be able to get it, but she wasn't frustrated. She got the most frustrated when I tried to help her, letting me know she wants to try this solo now. It is still a very messy process and not quite mastered yet, but she is getting there.

Sheer concentration

This is fun

Makes a good hairbrush

In goes a bite

Little things like this are huge to us. And not always so much because milestones are being met but more because we see God helping us on this journey. Something as simple as putting a spoon away for awhile and being at peace with that, is a little miracle for me. And the joy in it is that I can see that I know Ashlyn. I always felt like I knew Kyla and what she needed, mostly because it was so textbook I could read about it. I haven't always felt this with Ashlyn. I have felt confused, overwhelmed and out of my league. But I am her mama and sometimes mama's just know you have to put the spoon away for a little bit. We are a team and we are figuring it out together. Slower paced, not textbook.....but together. I am so thankful she is my girl.

Here is my beautiful little mess in action:

These are the days of our lives

2011-07-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

Each different season and phase of life has different things that make up that part of our journey. Nine years ago I was a brand new wife living in a tiny one bedroom apartment in Kansas City with my new husband. I was on cloud nine decorating our apartment, using all the gifts we got for our wedding, starting my first job out of college and getting to live and start my life with a guy I adored (still do) and was so excited to be married to (still am). That season consisted of me working full time and Troy in seminary and working part time. I will always look back on that time with the warmest of memories.

Fast forward a few years and we are buying our first house in Indianapolis and Troy is starting his first job in ministry. That season consisted of a positive pregnancy test and becoming brand new parents. My days were full of joy as I started my new job as a stay at home mom and we were so excited to be in ministry.

Fast forward to the summer of 2011 and the season we are in looks a little bit like this -

Supper time is chaotic and funny....

This particular season does not allow for quiet, calm and orderly suppers around the table. It is full of me racing around the kitchen, Kyla telling us what she does or doesn't like on her plate, Ashlyn shaking her head no if you try to feed her a fruit or vegetable, Troy and I attempting a conversation while kids are making their requests known, Kyla asking us how many bites of something she has to eat before she can get more of something else and so on. As chaotic as it can be, I love it. And in the middle of the craziness there are things that make us laugh.....like this,

Somehow Ashlyn pulled her bib up on the top of her head and it was stuck there. We were all laughing and as you can see from her face, she has no idea what is so funny.

Giving Kyla "the look" while we are laughing

Back to daddy...."Why are you laughing?"

Swimming lessons.....

Kyla is in position to jump in. It turned out to be more of a half jump with her teacher holding onto her

The next jump was a good one and was the first time she got the whole top of her head wet. The most important thing is she had a really good time.

Therapy......

Therapy is definitely a big part of this season. Three times a week we have therapists in our home to work with Ashlyn. When all of this first started it was a big adjustment and I didn't know how it would ever feel normal. Well, it is a new normal for us and we are so thankful for it. We have been blessed with great therapists who care deeply for Ashlyn and who include Kyla into all of it. There are times when three times a week feels like a lot, but Ashlyn loves her therapists so much (not always what they want her to do) that it is a really good thing......

Ashlyn having fun during physical therapy with Mr. Jim

Giving her cheesy smile with Miss Ann during OT

And having a great time in speech (her favorite) with Miss Mandy

Kyla getting in on the speech fun.....mixing up a fruit salad after Ashlyn identified the pieces of fruit

Pretend world....

Kyla is in pretend world a lot. It is so much fun. She is always talking to somebody. Sometimes she is the teacher and she is talking to her class (she will even tell me the names of her students sometimes). Other times she is playing with her doll house and speaking on behalf of the different people who live in the doll house. Sometimes she has her Disney princesses out and they are talking to each other. Many times when we get to the grocery store she will tell me that Dora and Boots or the Berenstein Bears are with us and will be riding in the cart. Our motto is the more the merrier.

Last week she was in the pretend world of entertaining. She was having a party for the princesses in the living room and was making cookies and other food for them. At one point I was in the kitchen and she came in to tell me, "Mommy, the cookies are in the oven but Snow White is already here so she will have to wait for them to cool." Yep, I hope Snow White brought her patience. It is so much fun and I love her imagination......

The cookies are ready

Cutting up some food for the party

Daddy got an invite to the party and enjoyed a cookie

Ashlyn's buddy......

Ashlyn is in love with this little toy giraffe that we have. It actually fell off of a toy that we were done with and thank goodness the giraffe wasn't packed away with the rest of it, because it is never far from Ashlyn's side. Every morning as soon as breakfast is done, she walks over to the basket where giraffe lives and says, "affe" for giraffe and then they are pretty much together the rest of the day.

Every morning there are two sisters happy to be together

and every evening there are two girls very happy to see their daddy

These days of our life are filled with much happiness and joy along with plenty of chaos and some challenges that keep us on our knees. I love this season and I know when I look back on it years from now, I will see this....thank you, God.

Backyard Camping

2011-06-27T19:02:00.000-07:00

Awhile back Kyla started telling us she wanted to go camping. My response was, "Sounds great....I bet daddy will take you camping!" Troy is the camping person in this family.....I will take a hotel over sleeping on the ground any day and I didn't think our family was at the point quite yet to all go for real camping together. She kept talking about it and we kept telling her that when the weather got warmer that her and daddy could camp out in the backyard. This past Friday night we decided it was the perfect time. The weather was perfect, even a little bit cool that night and we had all the gear ready to go. I could tell Kyla was really excited for this time with her daddy.

Helping daddy get the tent ready

Pure excitement! She was so excited to see what the inside was like

Ashlyn thought it was really fun too

Flashlight, check. Lantern, check. Binoculars, check. Ready to go.

The campers

Checking out what she can see with her binoculars

The wonderful (and gorgeous) man in our lives who is the kind of dad who loves to spend time with his girls

Look at the stick I found

Got the campfire going....time to roast marshmallows

Yum!

Once it got dark, the three of us (Ashlyn was already in bed) caught lightning bugs for a long time. Kyla loved it and made this jar their home.

Time for the campers to go to bed

I really wasn't sure how the night would go. I didn't know how much Kyla would like it or if she would really sleep in the tent the whole night. She absolutely loved every second of it....we all did. It was great to be together and I saw how much Kyla loved having special attention. And she did sleep in the tent the whole night. I told Troy that someday when he is walking her down the aisle this will be one of the memories he is thinking of......spending the night with his four year old girl in a tent in the backyard. I love the memories we are making. And, who knows, the night was so fun, maybe you will find me in a tent someday soon.

Little bit of everything

2011-06-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

As I am sure it is true with you, we have a little bit of everything going on and I can have many thoughts in my head and emotions in my heart all at one time. Here is a little bit of the everything going on in our world....

Loving Summer
As I am writing this, you can tell a thunderstorm is about to begin (something I love about summer time). We are loving the warm air and all of the fun things that come along with this time of year.....it is made even more special when you see it through the eyes of children.

Running through the fountain at Purdue....both of the girls loved it

Getting in the car just to go get some ice cream

I would not say I have a green thumb by any stretch, but I really love planting flowers and enjoying them all summer. I think this is the summer where things are finally clicking where my flowers are concerned. For the past several years, nearly everything we planted was eaten by bunnies. So help me, I was very close to sitting out on the front porch with some sort of gun just waiting for a bunny to hop by. Well, maybe they can read minds because they have left us alone this year.....so far. And since they have gone to wreak havoc on another families flowers somewhere we are enjoying plants that are actually growing.

The Black Eyed Susan's that I was so excited about and every year the bunnies would nibble them off, well who knew that what started off down by the ground is more like a small tree this year?

Kyla started her second year of swimming lessons this week. Last year she was in the baby pool getting used to the water, this year she is in a bigger pool in the first level of lessons.

Ready to go

Little sister really wants to see what the big kids are doing

Much of the time I don't feel like I know what I am doing
The one comfort I find in the moments where I wonder if I am doing things right as a mom, is that I know I am not the only one who feels this way. This job doesn't come with a manual and each child is different, which leaves room for a lot of doubting on my part.

For instance, I battle constantly with wondering if I am doing enough for Ashlyn. She is doing great, but like it or not, this is still a foreign world to me and a lot of the time I feel like I am stabbing in the dark. Yesterday one of her therapists was trying to get her to hold a crayon and scribble on a paper and all Ashlyn wanted to do was throw the crayon. I have worked with her on crayons and gotten the same reaction. I internally felt helpless and like crying but just asked the therapist, "She seems to have no interest. How much do I force this?" (I wish there was a manual). To which the therapist responded, "Keep working on it for small minutes at a time, she will get more interested over time." These types of things came completely naturally to Kyla and with Ashlyn they seem very forced....it is a learning curve.

And then there is Kyla who is having fun at swimming lessons but doesn't want to put her head under the water or face in the water. As I sit and watch her in the lessons I internally feel myself wanting to walk into the pool and urge her to please put her head under the water....just to try it. But, I know I can't do that. I already know in my gut as a mom that this is one of those things that over time she will get more comfortable with and I have to just relax. Relax....a good word to remember.

And in the middle of all of the not knowing and wondering if it will all somehow come together, sometimes all you can do is dance. At our house around 3:00 or so in the afternoon when I can feel the pressure building we turn K Love up really loud and dance.....and every time all three of us feel better. Yesterday we were grooving all around the family room with the words, "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord" blaring through our house.

Kyla busting a move

Sisters dancing together....they laugh and Ashlyn waves her arms all around. Stress relief at its finest.

Carpet is gone, hardwood is here
Troy and I have been saving money for awhile to put hardwood floors downstairs in our house. Worth every penny if you ask me. The carpet was stained when we moved into this house and just kept getting worse. My awesome husband and two really kind men from our church who were willing to help in a big way installed the floors over the weekend.

Sister love
For all of the times I worried and cried after Ashlyn was born whether or not these two would be close, that question is definitely getting answered for me. They share a BIG love. Ashlyn adores her big sister and Kyla fiercely protects her little sister. Yesterday we were outside and the girls were just walking up and down the sidewalk leading to our front door. There is a bush with thorns at the end of the sidewalk that Troy had told Kyla not to touch a couple of weeks ago because it might hurt her. Anytime Ashlyn got even kind of close to that bush, Kyla would put her arm around her and say, "Ash, let's go the other way. I don't want you to get hurt." She watches out for her sister like no one else.

I can hear the two of them laughing from another room and it makes my heart so happy. Big time sister love.

Laugh more
I read something from "Jesus Calling" the other day that I keep thinking about it. It said, "Learn to laugh at yourself more freely. Don't take yourself or your circumstances so seriously. Relax and know that I am God with you. When you desire my will above all else, life becomes much less threatening. Stop trying to monitor my responsibilities - things that are beyond your control. Find freedom by accepting the boundaries of your domain. I rejoice when you trust Me enough to enjoy your life lightheartedly.

I love that and I forget it too often. God is in control, I am not. Enjoy life with a light heart....God is working it all out.

Going to the chapel......

2011-06-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

We are about to head to the chapel and my sister, Kara, is the one getting married!! We are so excited! These are the times when it is the hardest to live far away from the ones you love the most. I wish I could go with Kara to every bridal planning appointment she goes to, but I can't. We get through it by talking on the phone everyday and last weekend my mom and I went to Kansas City to spend the whole weekend with Kara to do wedding planning. It is has been ten years since I was in wedding planning world and it was so fun to take a trip back to it.

My beautiful bride to be sister showing off her beautiful engagement ring

With her soon to be husband, Dustin

The very top priority for our wedding weekend was picking Kara's dress. She had already tried some on and had it narrowed down before we got there. We spent nearly every waking second last Friday in bridal stores, which is really fun if you ask me! Especially when they are as beautiful, girly and bridal as this one....

Emily Hart Bridal in Leawood, Kansas is the most gorgeous bridal store I have ever been in. The second you walk in your eyes see this......

.......rows of white dresses hanging and waiting to be looked at and touched. And all of the other sparkly things that go with wedding dresses....

We had the best time. I was so happy that my mom, sister and I were able to have this really special weekend together because sisters, moms and weddings is a really great combination.

Just the two of us

2011-06-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Troy and I headed to Indy to spend a few days together....just the two of us. We had a complete blast. Our day to day life, raising two little girls is unbelievable and we are living our dream, but the truth of the matter is that marriage comes first. At least that is how Troy and I believe things should be. There will be a day years from now, when we won't have little kids running around our house, but this marriage will still be here and our hope is to be a couple who is still crazy in love and having a blast together. And, I know from personal experience that seeing parents who really love each other and take time for each other, is one of the best things for kids to grow up with.

You have to make an effort to take a little time away. We are so blessed by two sets of parents who are willing (and really happy) to come watch our kids so we can do things like this. Last month we celebrated our nine year wedding anniversary and we both wanted to do more than just go to dinner.....we wanted a couple of days of uninterrupted time together. So we headed down to Indy where my awesome, deal finding husband got us a really nice hotel for not too much money (thank you, priceline).

We had the best, most relaxing time. We slept in, ate dinner late, talked without being interrupted and had no schedule.

Brunch at 11:00 a.m.

The weather was beautiful and we did lots of walking on the canal

And sometimes while walking I had one of these in my hand

We ate this for dessert at like 9:00 at night....just taking our time.....no schedule

I would be lying if I said we didn't talk about our girls a lot while we were away. We love them like crazy. And, this morning I was up way earlier than 11:00 a.m. and my day looked more like this....

and this....

and those things make me so happy. The day in and day out moments of our life are such a joy to me I can't even tell you.....including the everyday love that Troy and I share. But, sometimes you just have to get away and be with just each other. You have to get other things off the calendar. You have to be willing to spend a little money. If you haven't gotten away with just your spouse lately, I highly recommend it. Marriage first.

Happy June.....Summer is here

2011-06-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

June is here and to me that means the summer has begun. I know summer doesn't officially start until later in the month, but when June gets here, that means summer to me. I love all of the seasons....each time a new one starts, I love all that it means and everything it holds. And, so now that summer is here again, I am looking around and seeing all of the things that I love so much about it.....

Walks outside

Front porch rocking

Pool time!

Playing at the park

Backyard swinging

Window boxes with flowers

Welcome mats that say, "Goodbye socks, hello flip flops."

Cute summer outfits

Sunglasses and sunny days

Welcome back, summer. We missed you.

The ads that makes me cry

2011-05-28T11:17:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I was thumbing through a Parents magazine that I had received in the mail and as I turned the last page and looked at the back of the magazine I saw this ad for Pampers diapers.....

At first I just glanced at it, but the baby in the bottom left hand corner immediately caught my attention because she has Down Syndrome. I couldn't believe it....I kept staring at it. My heart was so happy to see that Pampers had included a baby with Down Syndrome in their ads. It means inclusion to me....it means that they think babies with Down Syndrome are special and valued enough to plaster all over their ads that millions of people see. It means they value my girl. I showed the ad to Troy later on and we talked about how cool it was. And, then awhile later, Kyla saw the magazine just laying around and when she saw the ad on the back, she pointed to the little baby in the left hand corner and said, "That baby looks like Ashlyn." She has no idea that their is anything different about the baby in the ad or her sister, she just thinks there is something about them that is the same.

Well, a few weeks after seeing that ad, I saw a commercial on TV from Pampers that I love. The tears were in my eyes the first time I saw it because it is so beautiful....I still tear up when I see it. It features babies in such a special way, showing how different they can be and how different their circumstances can be, but how valued they all should be. How each baby is a miracle and deserves the same kind of unconditional love. And, in this commercial is a baby with Down Syndrome. Yes, they are miracles and yes, they deserve unconditional love....just like any other baby in the world. I am so happy that Pampers has done these ads and for the inclusion they show in representing special needs families along with lots of others. Take a look at this beautiful commercial.....

Growing up

2011-05-24T19:01:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden, I am noticing Kyla turning a corner and turning into more of a big girl....more of a kid and not a toddler. I have been seeing it happen in little ways, but in the last few months I am seeing my girl make big strides into the world of growing up. This past winter/spring Kyla did her first extracurricular classes. She did gymnastics and ballet and loved both of them. Kyla has tended to be shy and timid by nature in new situations, but I have watched her walk into these classes without being afraid, participate, talk to the other kids and have a great time.

Here she is before one of her gymnastics classes

She loved ballet as well and so did I. I told Troy after the first day that just the sight of all of those little girls in pink leotards spinning around like ballerinas was worth the money of the class for me.

Here she is on the first day with her sweet, shy smile....ready to give ballet a try

I know she won't grow up to be a ballerina, but I will always cherish these pictures and memories

She wanted to take a picture by the pink flowers that matched her ballet outfit

One really big kid thing Kyla just learned to do is ride a bike with training wheels. We got her this bike for her 4th birthday, but when your birthday is in January, you can't get out and ride right away. So, as it has gotten warmer we have been working on it. It didn't take her long and now she loves to do it.

Practicing with Daddy

All by herself

Troy just got a used bike from Craig's List and now he and Kyla go out for bike rides together...this is the day Daddy came home with his new bike

This week Kyla will finish up her first year of preschool. She absolutely loved it and it has been so good for her. She loves learning and has loved the routine of preschool. On preschool days, once I picked her up she would tell me who was the line leader that day, what letter they learned about and all of the fun stuff that comes with preschool. It has been so great for us to see her blossom during this year.

Here she is at a tea party at her preschool (at our church) modeling the hat she made

Sipping some tea

The most recent thing that made me realize we are entering a new world, is the presence of neighborhood kids into our lives. When your kids are babies and toddlers, they are still learning to talk and walk so they can't really interact much with the kids who live around them. Since Kyla was a newborn she has been around other kids at church or playgroups, but this is different. One day last week we were outside and she was riding her bike and a girl from across the street started waving at Kyla. And my shy little four year old said, "Mommy, I want to go talk to her." So, we headed across the street and talked to the neighbor girl and her brothers for a few minutes. We went on our way and then on our ride back home she saw them outside again and said, "Mommy, I want to go play with them." At this point I needed to get inside and start dinner and I am not ready for her just to be across the street playing without me. So I told her she could go tell them they could come to our yard and play. We looked both ways, crossed the street and she walked up to this little girl and said, "My mommy said you can come over to our yard to play." My heart melted as she said the words.....my girl is growing up. Her world is starting to get bigger.

The little girl went and asked her mom (who apparently has no problem letting her kids go to someone else's yard to play without her or without even knowing who I am) and she and her brothers crossed the street to our house. I watched Kyla and the three of them outside in our driveway doing sidewalk chalk and I couldn't believe it....there she was talking with them and laughing and having a great time. I called Troy and said, "Our daughter is outside playing with the kids from across the street. She is getting so big."

Here they are outside in the backyard playing (the brothers decided to go home at this point). And Ashlyn decided she wanted to play too.

Things like this just keep happening and I see her changing and growing. I see her waving at kids and saying hi, I see her playing with kids at the park she doesn't know and I see her petting dogs!! This is a big one because Kyla has been extremely afraid of dogs and just today on two different instances she pet dogs without knowing them and with no encouragement from me. Both times it was happening, I was thinking this is crazy. And, what makes it even better is that tonight as we were praying with her at bedtime she said, "Thank you, Jesus, that I got to pet two dogs today and that one was brown and one was white." Good stuff.

I see it happening....she is changing from a toddler to a kid. Her world is getting bigger and she is growing up. Even though my heart feels all sorts of emotions as I see it happening, I am filled with joy as I watch it. I heard someone I really respect say that the biggest prayer she prays for her children is that they would have hearts that really love God, because if they do everything else will fall into place. So, as I see her growing up and trying new things, I try my best to point her to Jesus everyday in all things and pray that she would have a heart that loves God above all else.

My firstborn......we have left baby world, we have left toddler world.....we have entered kid world. I love her so much.

Building a life

2011-05-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

Today I am celebrating nine years of marriage with my husband. Nine years is not a long time compared to the length of many marriages and certainly not a long time in comparison to the amount of time I want to be married to him (75 years is what we are shooting for). But, the beautiful thing about the years adding up is you get to start seeing what you are building together.

Today as I type there are two little girls upstairs in their rooms resting (one more quietly than the other). There are toys scattered around the floor. There are crayons on the table with coloring books open, a princess dress laying on a coffee table ready to be worn, sippy cups in the fridge, laundry in the dryer to be folded and little shoes lined up by the front door. We have a home.....we have children....we are building a life together.

Nine years ago on this day, I had no idea what all was ahead but I knew that I wanted to build a life together with Troy. Over our first nine years together we have lived in different places, changed jobs, made new friends, had two babies, have prayed a lot, laughed a ton and cried as well. But the one thing that has not changed in my life in the past nine years is Troy Hochstetler. Through every change, he has been my loving constant. That is the beautiful thing about a real, committed, God centered marriage......through all of the years and all of the twists and turns, there are two people who are always the constant for each other. Because we are just nine years into this and I know there is a lot to come. Our kids will grow up, we won't always live in the same house, friends will come and go, surprises will come and a million other things, but there will always be this.....Troy, Shari and God.....holding onto each other and loving all along the way. And each year that passes we will look back and see what we are building.

These past nine years have been the biggest blast of my life. I am so in love with my husband and that makes for a really great life. Nine years and I cannot wait for more.

Check up at Riley

2011-05-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

I have learned many new things and gained a great deal of information over the first two years of Ashlyn's life. I have read books about Down Syndrome, learned new terminology, met new people, gone to more appointments than I used to, and am always in the process of learning more sign language. One other thing I have learned is to never take your child's health for granted. Before Ashlyn was born, I know I took Kyla's health for granted and just assumed that the next child we would have would be just the same.

Our family spent this morning in Indy at Riley Hospital for Children for Ashlyn's two year check up at the Down Syndrome clinic there. When you enter this place, you receive a big helping of perspective. You pass signs for oncology, see the place where wheelchair fittings take place and watch parents hold up bags while their children receive feeding treatments. You don't have to spend but a few minutes there to know to take nothing for granted.

The gift of Ashlyn in my life has taught me that things you think will never ever happen, really do happen. That your life can change in the course of a doctor giving you a diagnosis. That has been true for every family that has had a child visit Riley......on all sorts of different levels. Ashlyn has Down Syndrome and does have delays, but is very physically healthy and doing so well. I don't take that for granted. I am thankful for her health and her progress. I have learned through our experience and the times we have been to Riley, that no one's child is exempt from having health problems or surgery or additional appointments. I know our health and the health of our children or how many chromosomes they have is not a sure thing and certainly not something we can depend on for our security.

I have learned that God is the one sure thing. The only sure thing. I have learned to never think it is our right to have a child with no health problems or delays. I have learned to be thankful for every piece of health we are given and to know God will take care of us if things change.

I am thankful for Riley and the extremely caring doctors that care for children and their families there. I am thankful for Dr. Lytle who sees Ashlyn and loves on her and takes time to talk to us about all of our questions. Ashlyn had a really good appointment today and they said she is doing great. We talked through a few of our concerns and things to watch for in the future. And, once again, we left feeling so grateful that Ashlyn is our daughter and for her health.

Cuddling with daddy while waiting for the doctor

Still waiting, but having lots of fun....

Waiting to get blood drawn and about to be not so happy

Getting some comfort from mommy after it was all done

One tired girl....it took a lot out of her

If your children are healthy today, don't take it for granted.

Walking

2011-05-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

I have been anticipating the day I would get to say this.....Ashlyn is starting to walk!! We have been waiting and praying for this. We have been cheering for her and telling her she could do it.

The greatest blessing of this is that every time I watch her do it, I am filled with the same excitement and thankfulness. I don't think it is going to get old. The reason is because I held her as a newborn baby while doctors told me all of the delays she would likely face. My heart hurt as I saw children half her age taking their first steps and moving all over the place. I have been in countless therapy sessions while Ashlyn worked and worked to take a tiny step while holding onto something. I have laid awake in bed at night and wondered if I was doing enough. So, when you know all of those things and you have experienced all of those things and then you see them doing it, there is nothing like it. When I watch those chubby little legs move across our family room all I can think is, "Thank you, God. From the bottom of our hearts....thank you."

These are sweet and joyous days. These are redemptive days....tears we cried are being redeemed and God is showing Himself strong over and over again. God has certainly used this time to refine me and teach me patience. We are realizing how thrilling it can be when it took a little more time and work to get there. At 24 months, Ashlyn is taking her first steps and we could not be more proud of her. Check out our amazing girl, WALKING!

Thankful for motherhood

2011-05-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

Each year on Mother's Day I feel incredibly grateful. I feel grateful because God blessed me with an amazing mom. Since I was a little girl I have loved her and now as a grown woman and mother myself, I love her in a whole new way. We talk on the phone many times throughout the week about anything from clothes, to the latest mascara we like to recipes. I also talk to her about mothering and she understands everything I say and listens to me and prays for me and gives me great advice. I am so thankful for my mom.

I am grateful for my mother in law. First, because she raised the man I love and he is a great man....I will always thank her for that. Also, because she is so kind and cares about me and we have a blast together. I know not every girl could say this, but I really love my mother in law.

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a mom and stay home and be with my kids. I am living that dream and everyday I pinch myself that it is really happening. Being a mommy to Kyla and Ashlyn is one of the single greatest joys of my life. I could not think of anything in the world I would rather be than their mom. I love them so much it hurts sometimes.

This weekend as we celebrated Mother's Day I was feeling the blessings big time because we were together as a family doing some of the things I love the very most.......

Daddy and the girls surprised me with cupcakes!

We spent a lot of time outside and brought some of our spring flowers from outside to inside

Kyla and I colored together

We spent more time outside planting some new flowers for the summer. Kyla is ready with her gardening gloves.

She was a great helper with the planting

As always, Ashlyn loved it outside

Really loved it.....

Sisters playing

We tried to get a nice mother and daughter picture this morning after church, but we are just not in the season where that happens easily. We tried.....

and tried again. My two girls and one really grateful mommy.

Happy Mother's Day.

Birthdays and answered prayers

2011-05-03T12:16:00.000-07:00

In the past couple of days I have been looking through a journal that I had written in during the time I was pregnant with Ashlyn. It was surreal to go back and look through all of the prayers I prayed during that time having no idea what was ahead. I love looking back through prayer journals because they allow you to see where you were a at a certain point in time and all of the ways God worked. It also makes me laugh sometimes remembering the things I was going through or things I thought were important at the time. I mean it is pretty humbling to know that the creator of the universe cares about me so much that He hears my prayers about pregnancy heartburn and really cares. What I love is that as I read them, I know that each one of those prayers were heard by God and so important to Him.....from the smallest to the biggest.

Throughout my journal, there was everything from asking for relief from morning sickness to helping me potty train Kyla. I asked God for help in naming our baby on the way and for the transition of going from one child to two. And I as sat today looking at the journal, feeling the emotions of all I prayed for during that time, I realized how very much God answered my prayers. Right after Ashlyn was born I went through a time of feeling as if God had not watched over the baby who I had carried. Because if He had, how could He have let it happen this way?

Looking back through that journal, the request I made over and over of God was that my baby would be kept safe and would be healthy. As I read it, I see how very much God answered my prayer. Although in His Sovereignty, He chose to give her an extra chromosome, she is so healthy. And, as hard as it is to say, even if she would have been born not healthy, God would be no less faithful. We can't only trust God and call him faithful only when He answers our prayers the way we want Him to. We call Him faithful and trustworthy because that is who He is, regardless of circumstances or how prayers are answered.

One other prayer from this journal that I noticed from one day's entry was that I asked God to allow this baby to bring much love and joy to our home. As we celebrated Ashlyn's second birthday over this past weekend, I once again was reminded of how much God truly did answer the prayers I prayed before I even met her.

Good morning, birthday girl!

Trying to show us with her fingers that she is 2

Big girl ready to party

With Grandma and Grandpa

Opening presents

Our family

Having fun

Trying out her new ride

Monkey cake for the little monkey

Let's clap....the cake is here

Me and my girl

While I was pregnant with Ashlyn, before I knew anything about the tears that I would cry on the day she was born, I prayed to God that this child would bring much love and joy to our home. Here is His answer to my prayer.....

Ashlyn has done just that. Everyday our lives are full of so much love and joy because of her. A love and joy we would not have known without her. She has changed our world for the better and God knew that she would. Answered prayer....not how I ever thought it would be, but better than I could have dreamed. Thank you, God, for Ashlyn Ruby and the incredible gift she is to us. Happy Birthday to our two year old girl....we love you so much.

Less like haunted, more like remember

2011-04-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

This Monday I have been thinking about what a great weekend we just finished and what a special one is to come next. Our Easter weekend was very special. It all started with a very meaningful Good Friday service at our church and finished with a celebration on Sunday morning, knowing that our God overcame death so that we could have eternal life in Him. I am so grateful. Along with that were lots of other things that made my heart so happy this weekend.....

Kyla helping Daddy out in the yard

Ashlyn loving it outside

She was such a happy girl out in the fresh air

Kyla with some of the jelly beans that she ate lots of

Kyla loving it outside too.....taking a cruise on her Barbie jeep

Ready for church in their Easter dresses

Trying out a standing pose.....

Me and Kyla in our Easter best

Hunting for eggs

We were especially blessed this year because my Uncle Mark, Aunt Tammy and cousins, Scott and Matt were able to be with us for Easter. We loved having them here and had such a great time. I am so thankful for the family God has given me. And, Kyla was thrilled that her cousins were here and thought they were really fun.

Ashlyn cuddling with her Great Uncle Mark and Aunt Tammy

Kyla and Ashlyn with their second cousins, Scott and Matt

This past special weekend is going to be followed up by another really special one this coming weekend when Ashlyn turns two. I can't believe it. This birthday feels vastly different for me than her first one. That first birthday was hard and emotional in a lot of ways.....the first time April 30 came around again and reliving all that happened that day. At the same time, it was such a celebration because of how much we love Ashlyn and for all the countless ways God led us through that first year.

There has been emotions leading up to this second birthday. I have had my moments and I have had tears. The mixture of Ashlyn not walking yet and also remembering all that Kyla was doing when she turned two have caused those emotions to come to the surface. But that is what they have been....just moments.

Still just saying the words, April 30th causes so many emotions in me. I will forever remember the smell of the hospital, the doctor saying the words Down Syndrome, seeing my baby with tubes everywhere, hearing words and having conversations I never thought I would, crying so much I thought I would run out of tears and a million other things. In the days leading up to her first birthday it was so hard to have that day come around again for the first time. It feels different this year. There is a song by Sara Groves called, "Less Like Scars" and she beautifully describes the ways God takes pain and turns it into beauty. One of the phrases I love from that song says that in God's hands it is, "less like haunted, more like remember."

That is how I feel.....on her first birthday I still felt haunted by all that took place on that day. This year, it is more like I remember. Only God can do that. Take haunted and turn it into remember. So, on April 30 we will remember all the things that happened that day and all the tears we cried and all the ways we thought we couldn't do it. And we will remember those things because they happened and they are real, but they don't haunt us because God isn't the author of haunting, He is the author of healing. And that is exactly what He continues to do in our hearts.

More than anything on April 30, we are going to celebrate the life of a blessing bigger than we could have ever dreamed for ourselves. Because when this is in your life, how can you not celebrate?

Tulips

2011-04-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

Tulips are my favorite kind of flower. Not just because I think they are really pretty, but because they mean a lot to me. I have always loved them. Troy and I had a spring wedding (May 18) and so I chose tulips as the flowers for our wedding. I carried all white tulips and my bridesmaids carried bunches of pink and purple tulips. Here we are on my wedding day.....all of us with our tulips. (As I held them that day, I had no idea how much they would come to mean to me in the future).

Because I love tulips and because they were the flowers for our wedding, I love having them planted at our house. When you walk out our front door right now, you are greeted by tulips....pink and purple, just like at our wedding.

After Ashlyn was born, lots of people began asking me if I had read the poem, "Welcome to Holland." I actually had read it before at some point in my life and was also given a copy of it while Ashlyn was in the NICU. It is really beautiful.....

Welcome to Holland - by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

When we brought Ashlyn home from the hospital it took me many weeks to be able to sit down and read that poem. People were sending it to me in email attachments and I had the copy from the hospital. I remember when I did finally read it, I cried hot tears over the whole thing. Mainly because of how much I wanted to be in Italy. I had already been to Italy once with my first child and I really thought I couldn't be happy anywhere else.

As we are nearing our two year mark in Holland (Ashlyn will be two at the end of this month), I am realizing more everyday all of the very beautiful things about it. Days still come where I long for the life of Italy, but I am also seeing that life with Ashlyn has a lot more of Italy than I ever thought it would.

Almost nine years ago on my wedding day as I carried around a bouquet of tulips, I had no idea that one day Troy and I would be given a child that would take us on a different journey than we expected. A journey more beautiful than we could have dreamed. And maybe the reason we are finding ourselves more and more at a home in a place we never thought we would be is because there is a part of us there that has been with us since the beginning....tulips. I love it because it is like a little piece of Ashlyn was with us on our wedding day. Every spring when I see the tulips blooming, I will always think of my husband and our wedding day and a little girl that took us to Holland and showed us how amazing it is there.....and that they even have tulips.

The family that gets sick together, stays together

2011-04-14T19:12:00.000-07:00

Good grief, it feels like we just got done with sickness at our house. I thought we were in the clear until the other night while at dinner with some of my girlfriends, out of nowhere, my throat felt extremely painful. I came home and told Troy that my throat hurt really bad, thinking that probably by the morning it would be better. Turns out I was up most of the night realizing it wasn't going away. The next morning, my sweet husband came home to take Kyla to preschool and after that off we went to the doctor....me, Troy and Ashlyn all hanging out in the doctors office together.....little did we know at that time that all three of us had strep throat. I got the news first and heard the greatest words a doctor can tell you, "I will call you in some amoxicillin." I love hearing that because I know amoxicillin works and that pretty soon I will feel better.

While driving home from the doctors office, Troy tells me that he isn't sure if it is in his head or not, but that his throat was starting to hurt really bad. We already had an appointment scheduled for Ashlyn because we noticed over the weekend she was fussy, stuffed up and not wanting to eat. While I was at home resting, Troy took Ashlyn to the doctor where they did a strep test and after that the two of them headed over to urgent care where Troy found out he had strep throat......and amoxicillin was called in. On their way home, Ashlyn's doctors office called and said that Ashlyn strep test showed that she did have strep throat.....amoxicillin was called in.

And so our kitchen counter looks like this.....antibiotics all lined up

Out of all of us, Ashlyn has handled it the best. She has had her moments of discomfort, but has still been the happy little girl we know. Troy and I have had some tougher moments. Strep throat just does not feel good....it makes you dread every time you have to swallow. And also makes you realize how often you have to swallow. My beloved amoxicillin is doing its job and I am feeling better. Troy is still dreading the swallows, but is getting there.

And, Kyla......no sickness for her. As of now, she is strep throat fear and I am praying it stays that way. She has been the best little girl while we have all been sick. She told me several times that she was praying for Jesus to help me feel better. She has been so content to entertain herself while the rest of us required more rest than usual. I love her so much. Tonight her and I were able to get away together for a little bit to a fair at her preschool.....here she is showing off her "face painting" that she wanted on her hand instead of her face.

It has not been a fun couple of days. It is never easy when almost the whole family is sick at once....at least you can just get it over with. The thing is, in sick days or healthy days, I could not love them more. These days I am thankful for amoxicillin, but more than that I am thankful for my family. We get through it together. Hoping for healthy days ahead.

Family visits and car trips

2011-04-10T13:07:00.000-07:00

We just got back from a great weekend at my parents house. It was a special time because we were celebrating my dad's 60th birthday. We had such a great time....I love being with my family.

My wonderful parents....getting ready to celebrate

Being silly for his granddaughters

Enjoying some birthday cake

Along with a birthday party, we loved being together and spending a lot of time outside in the beautiful weather.....

Troy playing a little corn hole

And Kyla playing some ladder golf....she did great!

Blowing bubbles....always a favorite

Ashlyn was showing off her skills, like standing

and taking some steps with her Great Grandma

Snuggling with Aunt Kara, who Ashlyn happens to think is the best at singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider"....she signed for Kara to sing it to her over and over.

Lots of playing

Me and my love

We loved our time together with family and being able to celebrate with my Dad....I love him! But, all good things have to come to an end, which for us means, packing everything up and loading two girls back into the car. Car trips with a 4 year old and almost 2 year old can be rough....this particular trip proved to be just that.

Things started off so well....right after this picture Ashlyn went right to sleep and Kyla entertained herself with books and a snack

Well, then Ashlyn woke up and things went down hill from there. Ashlyn hates being in her car seat for long periods of time. Once you see her pushing her chest out to try to get out of her buckles you know it is going to get ugly. As the ugliness started to intensify, we decided to make a stop for supper.....we picked Panera in Champaign, IL. We knew we needed to be out of the car for awhile. We made quite the entrance.....we walked into Panera with a screaming Ashlyn followed by a screaming Kyla who fell out of a chair while I was trying to calm down Ashlyn. It is the moments where you feel the frustration rising but also kind of want to laugh. What I love about my husband is.....he laughs. As all of this was happening we looked at each other and started laughing....what else can you do? Well, lots of other things, but this particular time we chose to laugh.

Here are the two road warriors loving a break from the car

Unfortunately, once that break was over, things got even worse in the car. Ashlyn wanted out of her seat more than life itself

I moved to the back seat to try to calm things down....here is me singing to my screaming girl. And, I love my husband for taking this picture. Just capturing the moments from this season of our life.

I decided to capture a moment too....Ashlyn was crying so hard we had to pull over and give her a little break. Here she is being comforted by her daddy on the side of a country road about 25 minutes from home

For the record, tough car trips are always worth time spent with family. A lot of little moments that add up to a really great life.

Family Fridays.....I love them

2011-04-01T18:53:00.000-07:00

Every Friday we spend the whole day together as a family. To say I love Friday's would be a huge understatement. To get to spend the whole day with my husband and our two girls is heaven on earth to me. And the thing is that it doesn't matter what we are doing. Almost every Friday, no matter what we are doing, I am always thinking that really it couldn't get any better than this.

Today for family Friday we decided to spend the day in Indy at the children's museum. We had a blast and the girls loved it. It was really, really crowded today, probably because of Spring Break. I was curious to see what the girls would like best. They both really liked the "play scape" area, which is a preschool play area. Lots of room for Ashlyn to crawl around and lots to touch. Kyla loved trying everything there. There is a Dora the Explorer exhibit at the museum right now, which I thought would be Kyla's favorite. But, her favorite thing was the dinosaur area....she loved it. She thought it was all so cool. At one point it starts making rain and thunder noises in the dinosaur area....this was not a problem. But, after that the dinosaurs started making roaring noises. I saw Kyla freeze for a minute and I thought she would move on. But, she looked at me as serious as could be and said, "Mommy, I know those dinosaurs aren't real, but they scare me. I don't like when they make those noises." Then there were a few tears but after we talked about it for a minute, she was okay. She told us on the way home that the dinosaurs were her favorite.

Ashlyn loved every minute of all of it. She was in her element....lots of action, lots of people around and lots to see. It was packed there today, which was fine with her because that meant more people to wave at. Lots of waving and smiling for Ashlyn today! And, Troy and I had a blast because we were together and loved seeing the girls reactions to everything. We had such a great day together and these are some of the reasons why......

Ashlyn at the water table in the play scape area....this is the calm before the storm

And here comes the storm......big splashing and loving every minute of it.

Kyla having some fun at the water table too

Focusing at the sand table

Ashlyn loved this rocking horse

Laughing.....

And moving all around

Some tractor fun

Planting flowers in the garden

Dora!

Measuring dinosaur bones

Talking on a Barbie phone in the Barbie exhibit

Getting Barbie all dressed

Taking a snooze

Eating some ice cream

Two sisters after a day of lots of fun....I love these girls

So thankful for my family.

Thanks in all things

2011-03-30T20:38:00.000-07:00

I recently finished reading a book called, "One Thousand Gifts," by Ann Voskamp. It is an incredible book. I had not known of Ann Voskamp until I was given this book. She is an unbelievable writer. This book has challenged me immensely. If I were to sum up the book in just a few words it would be.....give thanks in all things.

Throughout the book, the author shares her journey in a really honest way. Her journey toward a life of gratitude towards God for all things. Through her journey she began a gratitude journal where everyday, all through the day she would write down every single thing she was grateful for....from very small to big. She shares some of her entries throughout the book and I loved reading them because it opened my eyes. It opened my eyes to all of the hundreds of things everyday....blessings straight from God's hand that there are to be grateful for, that I know I overlook. Either because I am too busy, or because I am worried, or because I am complaining about something. The best thing about this book is that it has caused me to really intentionally think about how much there is to be grateful for everyday. For example, here are what some of my entries would be from today....

1. Ashlyn's huge smile as soon as I walk into her room in the morning
2. Kyla praying at breakfast
3. Sunshine
4. My mom comforting me over the phone this morning
5. Hearing Kyla and Ashlyn giggle together
6. My husband sending me a text to tell me he loves me
7. Clean, folded laundry
8. A great conversation with my friend, Tracy
9. Kyla whispering in my ear, "I love Ash"
10. Seeing Troy do what he has been called by God to do
11. Kyla waving to the cows on McCarty Lane
12. The cows on McCarty Lane
13. Blooming flowers
14. God's providence
15. Ashlyn blowing kisses
16. Lafayette First Church of the Nazarene
17. Kara is feeling better today
18. Ashlyn working on taking steps
19. Arms to carry Ashlyn until she can walk on her own
20. Kneeling beside Kyla's bed with Troy....four year old prayers

The list could go on. Try it. I am finding the more I am praising and thanking, the less I am worrying. And the thing I love about this book is that it is not a cheesy, try this and your life will be great sort of thing. It is a real, honest look at the daily fight we are in between ingratitude and joy. Between fear and trust. Between living our lives demanding all of our rights and opening our hands to receive what God gives. To see everything God gives as grace....everything. Even the hard things.

This is where this book became even more challenging for me.....gratitude in pain and suffering. As it says in the book..."How to lay open the hand for this moment's bread....when it will hurt." How to see even the pain as God's grace. How to hear the words, "Down Syndrome" and think grace. How to say "yes" with open hands to anything that God gives.

I feel like I practically have the whole book underlined because there was so much I wanted to go back and look at. Here are some parts that really spoke to me....

"I see what I am. I'm amputated. I have hacked my life up into grace moments and curse moments. The chopping that has cut myself off from the embracing love of a God who does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow (Lamentations 3:33), but labors to birth grief into greater grace. Isn't this the crux of the gospel? The good news that suffering nourishes grace and pain and joy are arteries of the same heart - and mourning and dancing are but movements in His unfinished symphony of beauty.

Jesus showed us at the Last Supper how to transfigure all things....take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. This is the hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty. The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is all good. The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace.

I am learning to open my hands and receive what God gives. It is a daily decision....the daily decision to say "thank you" to God for everything....from the easy to the hard. I am learning there is a reason that God's Word tells us to "give thanks in all things." It is for our good. God knows what is best for us. Giving thanks in all things protects us from bitterness, pride and discontentment. Giving thanks brings joy....in all things. Even the things we never, ever thought could bring us joy.

"Life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change." Ann Voskamp

Spain comes to Indiana and some thoughts from Ashlyn

2011-03-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

We are still on cloud nine around here that Troy is home from his two week trip. We missed him so much. It was so great to see the girls reunited with him on Friday morning right after they woke up. Kyla ran into his arms and Ashlyn's eyes lit up with pure joy and her arms instantly shot up for daddy to hold her. And they were both happy to get some gifts that daddy got for them in Europe. Troy got Kyla and Ashlyn flamenco dresses from Spain...they are the cutest things and the girls look so cute in them. Kyla wore hers all day long....a little bit of Europe right here in Indiana......

In other news, we are getting quite the little chatter box on our hands. One of the first things we were told after Ashlyn was born was that she would most likely be delayed in speech. She does have a speech delay, but is very expressive and quite the communicator. She is always learning new sign language and can say several words. The best thing is that lately it is like she is really, really trying to have a conversation with us.....she wants us to know something. There are words in there and I know one of these days they will be coming out. One day last week my friend Tracy was over and while our kids were playing we noticed that Ashlyn was jabbering up a storm.....she was making us laugh so much. Here is the little chatter box letting you know her thoughts.....